Am i the only one

[Skippydundee]

Hi all this is my first time one something like this and part of me feels stupid for even doing it because 70% of the time i dont feel i have any issues. Other than me being my own issue.

but the other 30% of the time and that number is increasing i feel like im in a forever deeping hole that the walls are caving in.

Im 26 years old. Originally from the uk been im oz 4 years. Moved from nsw to qld.3 months ago. Partially because i think running from myself will work stupidly.

But i am driving myself insain. And yet im sure many peoples view would be geezzz whats your problem. Which is why i havnt been to see anyone because they will probably tell me there is nothing wrong and im wasting everyone's time.

I do not know how to be happy or content. I live in a great country. In a nice.area.on the sunshine coast. Some peoples dream.

I dont like what i do for work. Im a sales manager for motor company. Which runs veru different to my old employer. But its all i know how to do. And i dont know what else i would want to do. I sit at my desk driving myself insain looking for an answer i dont have. Thinking to myself it would all just be easier to end it and no longer have hate my own existence. The responsibilities of life all just mount up. Bills rent costs of living. I just want to run away from reality but know it solves nothing. I dont know how to change it. How to be happy. Im angry frustrated and driving myself crazy. What do i do. How do i get outof my way and find happiness in life which isny just fake or a bandage trying to cover-up. I know i have problems but will everyone just think im stupid and brush it off like nothing. But for me i feel everyday i am drowing and see no reason to continue for another day of mental hell and my thoughts driving me mad.

am i the only one to feel like this

Sorry for wasting everyones time

[Quercus]

Hi Skippydundee,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out for support.

First of all... You're not a waste of time. Your problems are in no way a waste of time. In fact you've probably posted something that so many of us struggle silently with.

I know that feeling very well. Of feeling unfulfilled and unhappy but with no set reasons why I should feel miserable. Working jobs and feeling bored and disinterested. Cleaning the house on autopilot not really wanting to be here.

For me part of it was a symptom of my depression but once I had medication and therapy I realised a lot of the feelings had more to do with me living a life that just does not suit my values and needs and interests.

What do I mean?

I worked in non compliance. Enforcing rules. And this kind of work made me anxious as hell. I would dread going to work. I worked in crowds which terrify me.

Studied a degree I couldn't care less about and didn't want to work in. So feel guilty for my debt for nothing.

Am isolated from my family when family is something I value dearly.

Live in a city. Am a country girl. I feel penned it and I hate it here.

My point... Of course I am miserable. I have a loving husband and two little kids and good friends. But the rest of it... Just not for me.

So my questions for you (no need to answer just think on them)...

What kind of worker are you? Self motivated? Team work or alone?

What would you study if money was no object?

Does your environment make you feel good? Is rural more your style? Do you miss community feel?

Do you have hobbies? If not what would you like to try?

They don't have to be big changes. Sometimes it can be as small as recognising you need more challenge and responsibility at work.

Or you can try more radical like I did. Sit down and think about a job you would enjoy regardless of what others think about it. I chose to clean at a school and you know what... I love it. I am left alone. Responsible for myself. I work hard and it is very physical. It is peaceful and quiet and is short shifts. But I feel good when I finish work. And it works for me.

Would love to hear more of your story. You might think it is a waste but I don't... I think you've started a discussion that will help a lot of people to read.

Nat

[Skippydundee]

Hi Nat.

Thank you for taking the time to ready and reply to my message.

it is very hard to explain how i feel without feeling petty or stuid.

As from the out side looking in its a pretty good life. Moved out of the city of sydney which was not me at all im a country boy from england relocated to sunshine coast qld with my amazing partner. How she puts up with me ill never know.

We get time off together so.we go away for weekends. Even just walks on the beach afterwork out to dinner. I scuba dive wjen have chance. And snowbord when the.snow is down

yet i stuggle to feel happy and content. I used to love what i did for work but now i could happily just resign and not have a care in the worldn worry about how to pay the bills some other time. But i know that's not practical.

i dont know what else i would do work wise. Whicg makes ot worse as how can i change my life for the better and what will make me happier. When i dont know what will.

And im the kind of person who is methodical nd thinks logically geting the answers. And i dont have the answer yo my own happiness its a vicious circle.

i sit at work just wantingto scream as i feel like I'mgoing mad. No one should have to feel that way. N its stupid because.its.minor problems where other people have real severe problems. And yet im the one saying lifes hard.

if i could just disappear and not have to adult anymore that would be great.

my partner really wants me to see someone because she is worried about me. But i just think the doctors will say theres nothing wrong and to stop being silly.

I feel i am going insain

[Quercus]

Hi Skippydundee,

Thanks for replying, it really does feel great when people decide to keep talking.

This is important...

my partner really wants me to see someone because she is worried about me. But i just think the doctors will say theres nothing wrong and to stop being silly.

Your partner knows and loves you. So trust in her opinion. My other half was the same "I don't care what the doctor says something is wrong"... He was right. Just give it a chance. She knows YOU.

Keep in mind we do tend to perform for doctors so sometimes it helps to write out some hard facts in advance (print this thread maybe) or take your partner with you.

It also can take a few tries to find the right medical help for you. I saw a female psychologist for ages who said I was fine and didn't need help anymore. I was suicidal. Then saw a male psychiatrist who diagnosed me with major depression.

My point is I didn't feel comfortable with the psychologist so I told her what she wanted to hear. They can't help you if you aren't honest about the truly crap feelings. It can take time to find someone you feel comfortable to talk to and that's ok. Just keep trying.

You can also try some of the questionnaires on the BB website (the K10 test for depression for example) and take the results to the doctor for discussion.

As to your comment about feeling stupid or petty or wasting time I understand this completely. I told my psychiatrist recently I feel like I'm wasting his time making him listen to my waffle. He stopped me and said what makes it waffle? Why do you feel that you aren't important?

It is ok to not be sure about why you don't feel ok. The important thing is you've recognised something has changed and is not normal for YOU. If a doctor disregards your feelings they're a dud and try again with a different one until you find one who listens. There's no guilt. They get paid to listen and help. And what you are saying they will have heard before.

What do you think?