always scared my boyfriend is going to get hurt

[imrllyscaredhaha]

Hi everyone,

i have been with my boyfriend for little over a year. i have always been an incredibly anxious person and i often worry about both myself and my loved ones getting hurt or something bad happening to us. more recently, i have become extremely anxious regarding my boyfriend and his wellbeing. i feel the need to call him every couple of hours despite us still being busy at work or school. if i haven’t spoken to him or kept in contact with him much that day i begin to cry and worry and repeatedly call him in a panic just to make sure he’s okay. he’s the only thing i think about and it’s stopping me from doing simple things like work, homework, etc. he knows i have anxiety and says he will try his best to answer all my calls but when he doesn’t it makes me so much more scared and panicked. i honestly don’t know what to do. if i don’t know where he is or what he’s doing i cry and panic instantly, and i physically can’t stop until he calls back or i can see he’s active online. since “online activity” indications aren’t always accurate, i constantly check up to see if he’s active and i can’t tell if it’s accurate or not which makes me more and more anxious. i just want help on how to manage this anxiety. i love my boyfriend and i know he loves me just as much. i know that the logical way of thinking is that there is a very slim chance that he is ever in danger or hurt, but even the simplicity of him being busy and not answering my calls really upsets me. i just want to stop being so scared and anxious and start living my own life. any suggestions ?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi imrllyscaredhaha,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for being here.

I'm sorry that you're struggling with so much anxiety; I've been there and it's a bit of a nightmare! I can see that you're trying to hard to tackle it even though it often gets the best of you.

You said in your post the logical way of thinking is that there's a very slim chance, and you're absolutely right. The problem is though our emotional brains like to rule the show, and every time you ring or check up on him, you're kind of feeding it (even if you don't mean to). The reality is, 99% of the time, he will be okay.

I'm wondering if you've ever thought about seeing a therapist? I see one and they've been really helpful for me. They can help challenge those thoughts and let go of that need to be constantly checking in. Even though going to therapy can be hard, it's so exhausting feeling so anxious all the time.