writing helps me; a newbies first solo post

[*Eloise*]

Hi everyone, so I'm pretty new here, although not new to anxiety and depression. Have had a few really challenging moments in in the past which required me to go on meditation but I've always managed to get to a point where I could come off the tablets. And for a few years now I've managed to be able to get through the tough times but the last few weeks I just can't seem to get a hold of it. My anxiety has a grip on me that I just can't shake so today I'm off to see my gp. I know that everyone worries but I am at an extreme level where I have rituals to combat getting anxious over doing stuff. I've always been fairly open about having anxiety/depression but this is the first time I've ever spoken about how obsessive I can get. I don't particularly want to go back onto medication but need help quietening my mind and gaining control back over my day to say life, and in the past it has helped me. I'm going to ask for the names of a few professionals that I could go and see as well cos I do want to get to the bottom of why I feel the way I do and ways I could help myself without being so obsessive. Reading this back I seem so 'rational' about it all but I'm so scared about talking to my gp about it face to face and actually hearing the words come out of my mouth. I find writing about it helps me, hence my first solo post here. Thanks for reading.

[White_Rose]

Hello Eloise

Welcome to Beyond Blue. So pleased you have found us. Sadly so many people here are well acquainted with depression and anxiety. The up side of this is we know how you feel, know your fears, and will walk with you while you learn the answers to your questions.

I gather you have relied on medication and your GP in the past to get through the tough times. None of us want to admit we need help from others but it is a fact of life. We need each other.

I wonder if you would consider transferring your thread to one of the other forums such as depression or anxiety. The Welcome and Orientation forum has many threads posted in there so your thread could get overlooked as more people post there. If you move to another forum your post will be in an area where you will receive more responses without others needing to search for you.

I have found I cannot manage my various problems without help. Making a plan with your GP to manage your mental health is a great start. I find my GP is well aware of the skills of local psychologists and psychiatrists and only refers people to those she knows. So it's a good idea to chat about this with your GP. Book a long appointment.

You wrote I do want to get to the bottom of why I feel the way I do and ways I could help myself without being so obsessive. That's a great start. I have my GP, a psychiatrist and a counsellor. They all focus on different aspects but all have my well-being at heart. I feel very blessed to have the folk and various other friends. My GP and psych were on holiday at the same time recently and I found that difficult, but still had my counsellor.

Anxiety is so debilitating and when it has a grip on you if feels unshakeable. You can get through this and you have taken the first most important step, asking for help. I hope all goes well with your GP. I would like to hear how it all went, but only if you are comfortable telling us.

Mary

[geoff]

hello Eloise, when we feel as though we are back on track and don't need to take any more medication is certainly a positive move, however many people do stop their med's, even with their doctor's approvement, but within a short time they are back to where they once were.
The medication is what is keeping you feel much better, so there can be a misconception here, not that you would know and certainly not your fault, but with anxiety and depression they can have the chance of returning when you least expect them to.
You have mentioned two words here 'rituals and obsession' and these two words are what happens when someone has OCD, so can I say that this is one part of depression you are suffering from, and as I've said many times on this site, is that I've had this for 57 years and would never consider stopping any medication prescribed to me, and the med's I take are also for my depression/anxiety.
Please Eloise there is no harm in believing that you may need to take them, we want you to keep well and please hope you get back to us. Geoff.

[*Eloise*]

Hi Mary,

I was a bit of a nervous wreck the whole way back to the city for my appointment, but once I got in there and started talking I felt an immediate sense of relief. My doctor was unaware that I had taken myself off my medication- a big no no to just stop I know, but I had been doing well and I thought I could stop and manage without. And for almost 2 years I did manage, but I'm aware now I need a bit of extra help. So I'm back on my medication and I have a referral to go see a psychologist.

Thankyou for your your response 🙂

[*Eloise*]

Hi Geoff,

You're right that when we are on medication we feel better and then feel like we don't need it anymore, forgetting that it is the medication that is helping us feel that way. I've always been of the belief that there is nothing wrong with needing medication for mental illness. I will admit when I had my last 'break' I refused to go to the doctor because I didn't want tablets again, only because I wanted to try and find an alternative way to get through. And whilst that worked short term, it honestly hasn't worked long term, and I'm ok with the fact that I need a bit of extra help in the form of medication. The tablets that I was on before did help me, and so my doctor has put me back on them, but also given me a referral for a psychologist.

Thankyou for your response:)

[geoff]

dear Eloise, thanks for replying, but when people stop taking their medication then psychosomatically they talk themselves into believing that everything will be OK, that's a thought process that they are certain they will be OK and don't need medication, unfortunately our mind is not strong enough to believe in this so we fall back to where we never wanted to be and have to start our medication oncwe again.
Please never feel that you are weak because you need this medication, because we need to take any medication our doctor has recommended, our health must come first. Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Dear Eloise

Brief comment. Taking medication on the recommendation of your doctor or psychiatrist is more than helping to get well and keep well. It shows your attitude to your MH has changed and you are now taking this seriously. Depression is a serious illness and people become incapacitated from this. Having the "I feel better now" thought and no longer taking meds to me means you thought it was something you can get over fairly quickly and return to your preferred life, without taking into consideration the problems associated with this.

You can get back to your life and stay there being well and happy. But illness doesn't go away quickly and you need to learn how to manage the backward steps which happen from time to time. You may need to take an AD for the rest of your life. (I can hear you saying no. no. no) It is a very small part of your life taking one tablet a day. Stay with it please.

Looks like my small comment has grown. Never did know when to stop talking. Please don't be offended if I sound like your grandma. I am a grandma if that helps. Write in again please.

Mary

[*Eloise*]

Update

Morning everyone, so I have been on my medication for 4 days now and I had forgotten how rough it was. To say it has been a struggle is an understatement and I just keep reminding myself that it is just my body getting used to it and once I adjust I will feel better.

If I do need them for the rest of my life, I'm ok with that - if it helps me then it is worth it.

Thankyou for the replies and support, it definitely helps 🙂

[geoff]

hello Eloise, I think you are terrific, because sometimes that's what people need to understand that they need to take their medicication for life, it doesn't matter whether it's medication for some other medical problem they need to keep under control, depression is no different, it's an illness that keeps making you feel sick, so that's why you need to take your AD's, there is nothing wrong in doing this.
If you had some other problem, wouldn't your doctor get cross if you didn't take what they have prescribed to keep it under control, I bet they would, there is no diffence between one illness to another, OK probably you may think that there is, and maybe it might be so, but the principle is still the same.
I want to thank you so much for understanding this, because I'm no different, I have to take not only AD's for the rest of my life but several other serious med's to help keep me stable.
Thank you Eloise, we are all behind you and will give you all the support you need 24/7. Geoff.

[*Eloise*]

Afternoon everyone, feeling so sluggish, tired and anxious today 😞 Really trying to push through but struggling at the moment, just want to curl up in bed and sleep. I'm really hoping I will start to feel better soon ... I'm just having a really hard day today and it's hard to see the light right now. Silver lining is I have a very supportive husband who is doing everything he can to help me through the adjustment period, and I feel like I can talk to people here as they understand what I'm going through, so Thanks again everyone.