New here, not new to the Black Dog

[Weemoo]

Hi. I've been battling depression on and off for about 10 years. I've been ok for quite a while, but recently (the past couple of months) I have felt myself spiralling downwards. I'm feeling really stuck and don't quite know how to pull myself out of this hole.

[james1]

Hey weemoo,

Wow 10 years is quite a long time. I'm sorry to hear things have been getting worse but it is good that you have been able to recognise it. Being able to recognise it earlier means we can start to put in our plans to make sure we are prepared.

While everyone has their own ways of coping, the thing that is pretty universal is you need to tell someone. By coming here, you've already done that (good on you!) but is there anyone else who you can talk to in person?

Have you ever seen your GP or another mental health professional about this? This is probably a good time to get back in touch if you haven't already.

There's a bit of information in the link below titled "recovery and staying well" which you might find useful.

Otherwise, it's good to remember that depression is something that will often come back so this is not your fault at all. In fact, you're doing the best thing you can by coming to us here to have a chat so I hope you feel comfortable replying here, if you'd like. We're all here because we've all been affected by mental illness, so you're definitely among friends.

James

[Weemoo]

Thanks for your reply.

My first bout of depression was after my mum died, which was a week before my 3rd baby was born. I was an emotional wreck then, but eventually got through it.

Next serious episode was after my 5th baby was born (2 years after losing my 4th child at 4 months old).

Now I find myself here. I know how bad I am. I'm not suicidal but I don't want to be here. I don't want to be me. I've made an appointment with my gp, but I can't get in to see her for another 2 weeks. I live rural so choices are limited.

I don't know how to tell my husband. He's picked up that I'm not doing the greatest but not how bad it is.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Weemoo,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out.

I'm sorry that you're having such a tough time but glad that you're trying to reach out to your GP.

As someone who has lived in a rural area, you could try and speak to the GP's receptionist and see if you can be put on a cancellation list as it's important or even ringing straight away in the morning to see if there are any cancellations. This is something that I used to do a lot when trying to get into mine.

Is there anything that we can do to help while you wait? There are certainly many of people that you can talk to on the forums, as well as helplines like the BeyondBlue one and self-help strategies.

Maybe you might want to consider even small things to help you get through while you wait for the appointment; whether it's doing things you enjoy like watching a film, journalling or colouring (any writing or art can be very helpful), exercise and making sure that you're getting a good night's sleep.

I know that you're in this hole and I know that it sucks, but it won't last forever; you can get through this and you're not alone.

[geoff]

hello Weemoo, please accept my sincere condolences for the loss of your dear mum, unfortunately no on knows when our time has come, but it happens when we least expect it to, and that's what's more upsetting.
I am so sorry for your baby that passed away, hell this must have been so terrible for you, I hope the doctors have recognised that you could be suffering from PND, although I'm not allowed to diagnose you, but as someone who has experienced similar or who have been through the same situation, I believe we are allowed to comment on this, although our/my experience was not as bad as what you are struggling with, even so it's very traumatic.
Please excuse me if I have upset you, I certainly didn't want this to happen, I can just feel your pain and how sorry I am for you.
Your husband must know how you are feeling, because he too could be feeling this way as well, just try and open up to him, maybe that's exactly what he wants, for the two of you to console each other.
One of you has to make the move and suggest that you may need some help, maybe do it together.
I hope even though you're under so much sadness that you can keep in touch with us, we want to listen to you. Geoff.