Would like to connect with others suffering severe depression and anxiety and also have broderline personality disorder and post turmeric stress sydom

[Meljlow]

Hi all
Im very new to this all and its very hard for me to be able to reach out about my mental health. I have always bottled everything up inside that was until the bottled shattered and left me in pieces. I was a very strong & independent person who would take on the world in I was needed too. Im a mum to 4 kids and have been very in love and happy in my relationship for 30 years. Unfortunately my whole world was turned upside down 6 months and I hit rock bottom.I have since been diagnose with severe depression and anxiety and borderline personality disorder as well as PTSD due to suicide attempts. With all 4 together I feel like Im on a endless roller coast with millions of ups and downs. Ive found a great GP who is helping me along but I would like to talk with people who are dealing with the same feeling and emotions I am and who fully understands how hard it is to get through the day and nights.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Meljlow,

I feel for you. I feel how exhausted, drained & overwhelmed you are...

I know an emotional roller coaster takes so much out of a person. Zapping your energy...

It sounds as though you’ve kept a lot of pain inside for years. Bottled it up, as you said. Sadly, I think emotions that are ignored or suppressed will eventually find its way out...you know this already though...

Admittedly, my circumstances are probably very different to yours, so I’m not sure if I’m the ideal person to reply...

Nevertheless, I felt for your struggle and pain, and still wanted to lend some small support to let you know that I’m thinking of you...

Kindness & care,

Pepper

[Doolhof]

Hi Meljlow,

Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing your story. I can relate to what you have written. I have been diagnosed with BPD, depression, complex PTSD, anxiety, stress, have panic attacks, suicidal tendencies and have days where I just don't know what to do with myself.

I've not been on the forum for a month or more as I have been fighting/embracing/trying to ignore/make peace with and fight some more with my own demons.

Recently I have been connected to a "Life Coach". This is unfortunately only going to be short term.

Some things she has taught me:

- try to accept the unpleasant moments and work through them safely

- it is okay to not feel okay

- read as much as I can to better understand what I am experiencing

- look for my strengths and work on them ( I am still searching for mine)

- acknowledge what I do well

-consider how our thoughts, emotions, perspective and actions unfold during the day

-consider what meaning I am giving events past, present and future

I am learning there are lots of things I can do to help myself. Some actions and strategies have helped in the past. I need to re-engage those.

Is it easy? Not always! Some days it is really tough as you know.

Last Monday I took off in my car as I felt like I needed to escape my mind. I had wanted to harm myself. I parked the car up a quiet road. I lay on the back seat and I cried for ages.

I had to go to the toilet so I drove home. I felt unsettled.

Eventually I calmed down through doing some deep breathing, trying to see reason and pushed myself to do a couple of little jobs about the house and spent time writing out how I was feeling and drew pictures for a while to help calm myself.

This is a long reply!

Just want to let you know my experiences are no doubt different than yours but I do understand to a point, acknowledge and validate the struggle you are working your way through.

Congratulations for seeking help and wanting to change your life!

Cheers from Doolhof

[Meljlow]

Thank you for sharing your stories with me. The last 2 days I'm hanging by a mere thread and I'm growing tire of the constant war with in. I consider myself lucky because I have 5 reasons to stop the thread from completely snapping and those reasons are my hubby and soul mate and best friend of 30 years and our 4 children. They are the only reason I keep fighting for them.

[Meljlow]

Thank you Pepper for your reply. Just by replying you are helping in your own way by showing you care enough to listen and that those of us who are suffering shows us we are not alone

[Doolhof]

Hi Meljlow,

It is wonderful you have a soul mate in your husband and 4 children to concentrate on. I hope your Dr is continuing to be understanding and helpful.

Please know this is a safe place for you to share as much or as little as you want and need to.

Do you have some ideas on how we may be able to help and assist you? I know when I have been at rock bottom I have not known what would help.

Is there one thing you could do each day to help you feel a little better about your life? Would it be possible for you to start up a gratitude journal and try to think of three things each day to be thankful for? Even if you just consider this at the end of the day and not write anything down.

Can you try to re-engage in activities that used to provide you with pleasure and satisfaction?

Is it possible to get out for a short walk or to just sit outside for a while?

Another thing I am understanding is that I have these diagnosis for my mental health. That does not mean that I These conditions have to dominate my life. I have read about the conditions and have tried to accept them and work out what parts of me I can change to make myself more content.

When we are consumed it is difficult to see the sunshine let alone feel it. I get that! I hope you find ways to open the doors and windows so to speak to let the light in.

Kindest regards from Dools

[Meljlow]

Thank you all for sharing your stories and support. Today is a dark and full of dread. I keep thinking the light at the end of the tunnel is coming but I think this is a endless tunnel and I will never see light again. Im destined to live in total darkness.
Iv been keeping a diary and writing poems and quotes when im at my worsed. I find this stops me from gettingvoilent but the anger and pain always is there. So i going back to self-harming to release what pain is inside.
My drs great and im trying out an online course through web chat with lifeline coach so we will see how that goes x

[Guest_4643]

Hi Meljlow. I'm sorry you're struggling.

I'm only 20 so don't know about marriage/relationships and children, but I do have PTSD, depression, anxiety, etc. so I sort of know how you feel to a certain extent.

I'm willing to chat, if you'd like someone to talk to. Take care.

- Tayla.