Work anxiety

[Athenry]

I have a pretty stressful full time job, and a busy life with two little kids. I enjoy my job, it’s one that a lot of people would love to have.

I feel like I’ve become a bit bitter towards some people I work with because my journey to get this role has been much harder than theirs, my experience is above theirs, and they’ve just been able to waltz in and have been given the same role as me, after I was kind of in charge of operations unofficially for six months.

I get that I was overworked and had too much on my plate, so now my tasks can be shared out, but it feels to me that there’s no acknowledgement that I decided XYZ needed doing and did it.

Now there are so many opinions on everything, all we seem to do is waste time in meetings and it feels like my opinions aren’t ,being listened to as much. This has made me so frustrated because there’s actual work to be done and it gets confusing when everyone weighs in on everything.

I think I made a mistake in confiding in a colleague about how I’m feeling and yesterday in my end of year conversation with my boss she said a couple of things that made me suspect this colleague has told her what I’ve said. I mean, I got a glowing report but I can’t shake this feeling that she knows I’m miserable and angry about a few things and it’s bringing out the worst in me.

I didn’t say anything really nasty to this colleague that would get me in trouble, just a lot of venting that would make me seem like a total princess who doesn’t play nicely with others. Heck, this post probably makes me sound like a princess. This behaviour isn’t like me and I constantly feel now that everyone is rolling their eyes in my direction.

anyway… so today is my day off and I’ve been unable to stop fretting about it since yesterday. Feel so crappy. Worst bit is there’s a chance I’m being completely paranoid and none of this is even happening but I can’t shake this feeling and I’m hating myself for venting to that colleague and now I don’t know if I can trust her or not.

[HappyHelper88]

Hello Athenry Thankyou for your post and welcome to the forum

Thats great that you have a good job and two little kids. I understand the bitterness we often tend to display some bitterness towards people who we think have had an easier journey and it sounds unfair whats happened. Could you speak to your boss about this? Im sure you are a valued worker and your concerns are valid.

In a job with many employees being only one voice can make you feel unseen and unheard. I have always been careful making friends at work because these things can happen as some people are trying to get ahead in their career, they are not there to make friends.
Great that you got a glowing report but if you cant shake the feeling and you are unhappy at work it may be beneficial to get them off your chest.
You are not the only one experiencing this at work thats for sure

Having so many thoughts about work on your day off could mean that you are worrying about it instead of enjoying your day off and i definitely think you would benefit from talking to someone about how your feeling.

If you want to talk this through with a Beyond Blue counsellor, we’re on 1300 22 4636 or you can reach us on webchat . It can really help to talk things like this through. Please remember to reach out whenever you need to.

All the best and I hope you find the support you are looking for. We are all here to help.

[Isabella_]

Hi Athenry,

What you are feeling is completely understandable.

From my perspective, I think being honest with your workers and colleagues about how you're feeling in your role should be normalised. I think you're demonstrating that you're a hard worker who is unfulfilled because your motivation isn't being shared. You should never feel that your opinions are undervalued in your workplace, and you're deserving of a supportive team. More importantly, good management in a workplace from my view means making sure that employees feel valued and acknowledged for their efforts.

It's completely understandable to feel frustration when your effort to get to where you are wasn't shared by your other co workers.

I understand that perhaps the way you communicated this to your colleague is something you regret, even if you didn't said anything nasty. But I think there's a lot of value in honesty, and I think even if they did tell your boss (which may or may not of happened), it may be more of a blessing than a curse, and you may see the change that you want to see.

If you feel that even after venting that you still believe your point of view, then I think it was worth doing.

[jaz28]

Hi Athenry,

There's nothing worse than feeling anxious at work. It also 100% sucks to be underappreciated for your efforts as well. Totally not cool.

It's done now with you, but I'm always cautious about confiding with colleagues at work because shiz gets around like anything at my workplace. I would not trust most of my co-workers, even though they are great people to work with, you never know who's going up to the boss and telling them things to try and get ahead/on their good side, you know? This is probably a lesson to not trust that person again. Overall though, that was rude of them.

I think honesty is great and now that your boss may understand your views, they might be able to work with you. Maybe you could use this as an opportunity to further discuss your worries with your boss?

Workplace drama sucks, but it won't last -by nextn week there will be something else for them all the chat about.

Jaz.

[Athenry]

Thanks so much everyone… I did have a crappy day and couldn’t stop thinking about it. Hubby was so supportive when he got home, he did everything right, sent me to have a relaxing bath and dealt with the kids himself.
the colleague and I messaged a little throughout the day, not about work at all. I think I’ll be more careful - I’ll confide in friends who I don’t work with. Work is in a transition period at the moment and I need to cool my emotions when things happen beyond my control… it’s not forever.
your replies were all amazing and I’m so grateful to have had you all offer support and wisdom.
x

[Mark Z.]

Hi Athenry,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story.

With HR background, I may have some advice for you:

1. It is very challenge to have a full-time job and take care of two kids at the same time. Everyone has limited energy everyday, it is easier for you to get exhausted and to have your stress escalated. You need to make your life balanced and sustainable. Are you really able to handle this full time job for long term or it's better to discuss with your manager about reducing your work hours? Are you able to make yourself healthy meal and have good sleep? Do you have a period of time in a day that belongs only to you for reading, exercise, meditation or have a chat with a friend? You need to find time to think about these questions.

2. From your description I feel your team is lack of leadership. What you can do as a member of the team, is to make your leader easier to lead and easier to reach the team target. If you feel hard to impact other team members, it's ok and it's not your duty. At least you can actively match with your leader about your role and your focus. You can also find a good timing to talk to her about your feeling, when both of you have good mood, and be constructive.

3. You expressed your feeling to one of your colleague, don't feel sorry for that because emotionally and psychologically you have such need. You can't just hide this in your heart otherwise it'll get escalated. Try to talk to a close friend out of your organization, or your family, you need a listener, just to choose the right one.

4. Are you a person hard to say No? Sometimes it's necessary, just to express in a right way. Don't put too much on your shoulder, focus on most important tasks of your own, then your position responsibilities. If you can make extra contribution to your team that's good, but again, match with your manager first, and make yourself balanced and sustainable.

Warmly,

Mark

[Athenry]

Hi Mark,

you hit the nail on the head - I work 10 hour days four days a week, look after one child on Wednesdays, and both of them on Saturdays on my own. 6-4:30 work, then it’s a rush to cook before hubby brings kids home at 5. Once they’re in bed at 7:30 I have 1.5 hours of peace.

it is a lot to take on, I do most of the housework and cooking. It’s not normally like this - my youngest kept getting sick so daycare would send her home so I decided to compress a full time job into four days to give her a break in the middle and to save a bit on childcare costs. I also got a $2k payrise which put us over the childcare subsidy cap… which costs us an extra $8k! We bought a new house and have a whopping great mortgage now haha. hubby now works Saturdays and keeps them both home on Fridays. So in a nutshell - nope, I can’t go part time right now.

we’re in lockdown so where we could drop one child off with in laws to have a little break, we can’t do that right now…

I make a point of going for a walk every day at lunch. I’ve been a binge eater, sometimes consuming up to 4,000 calories a day. I was doing a lot of mindless snacking at work. Two weeks ago I stopped doing this, after finding I was really close to 100kg. So now my diet is healthy and full of nutritional food, the weight is dropping and physically I’m improving - it’s certainly helping my self esteem, I just need to work on the other mental challenges life sends.

if it helps, my role is in investigation/risk and takes a lot of brain power, it’s a lot of responsibility and can be confronting.

thanks for your response.

[Mark Z.]

Hi Athenry,

Thanks for sharing your story. Looks like we really have similar life challenge. My wife and I are working hard to maintain the level of income for raising two kids and paying great mortgage. Our life is like walking a tightrope, a little more pressure may lead to collapse.

But I'm really happy to hear that you've started eating healthy food and there's already positive physical impact. It's quite encouraging. Keep moving on and I believe in a period you will feel the positive mental impact as well.

I feel that if there's one more factor being positively improved, you will be moving faster on the right track. It could be harmonious family atmosphere, better relation with your supervisor, more sense of control and concentration in your work. Choose the easiest aspect, try to achieve little improvement and keep moving on step by step.

I'm not sure it'll work for you but it's my experience. Hope things will get better soon.

Warmly,

Mark

[Maria_B]

Hi Athenry,

Sorry to hear about your work situation. I was in the same shoes as you are many years ago. It's really disturbing because a colleague you thought you can trust betrayed you. What I learned from this situation was to be careful to trust anyone. It's a reality. As I would always tell myself "welcome to life". If I can share with you, do not let that colleague steal your joy and peace. At least, you have known the true color of that colleague.

I sensed you are a very passionate worker. It's a reality we cannot change or control our work environment, the attitude and reactions of our co-workers, and even our superiors but we can control ourselves, our reactions to their actions. Easily said than done! But slowly and with deep thoughts to decide not to be affected by their actions, reactions, or attitudes. What is more important at the end of the day is that you have accomplished your work goals. We compete with ourselves, not with anyone else. Success is not measured by our achievements or attributes because there would always be better than ourselves. If I may share, what matters most are our family and loved ones. Work is a livelihood to bridge the needs of our family and ourselves. After all, family is the reason why we exist. We live for them.

I hope, I was able to share some pieces of thought.

Take care!

[Kez7]

I’m so glad I found this thread. My first post on here and I’m nervous. Here goes.

I suffer from generalised anxiety disorder, and turning up for work is very difficult each day. I’ve been at my current job for 12 years now. I’ve worked a range of roles, but find night work is best for me as less interaction with customers. Day work stresses me with customer complaints, etc. Just recently with COVID, my employer has cut the night role so I work afternoon shifts. I’m finding this extremely difficult anxiety wise. We are extremely short staffed as well, again due to COVID. This has been going on for 18 months now, and I’ve reached breaking point. Most people have been telling me to resign and get a new job. But I’m too scared that this will make my anxiety worse. I find change difficult being out of my comfort zone. I feel trapped and stressed constantly, unable to switch off from work.
My anxiety is complicated by physical symptoms with tension and pain in my jaw muscles. Managing my anxiety is crucial to my wellbeing. But I just can’t think clearly on this at the moment…..