Where to begin...

[Phericlis]

Hey all, my names Jonathon, and I'm feeling way more lost then I should...

First off... I think all the time and I feel this is more to my detriment then a benefit as I always find myself speaking excuses and being told that's what they are... despite this... here's my story?

I'm a 31 year old male living in a backpackers and I've been here for 2 years... I'm financially bankrupt and can't find a job though to be fair I can't find myself able to put in more then minimal effort.... Anyways I just got another serving of the above after being offered a few drinks and some drunken girl I asked for help to put her to bed...

I've had a rotten past in relationships... and to be honest hold the bad experiences against myself... Medical ones that directly affect males should be easy enough to decipher... The last being the worst which has caused a phobia of women with reddish hair and blue cars...

I've been in and out of medication filled mental health plans and in and out of psychological freebies... but all in all... I just find myself back here...

See the problem is I can keep calling this a rut... I can tell people I'm happy and at times people notice I'm not till I say I am... when the actual fact is... I'm too comfortable living the way I am despite wanting it to change so badly... I feel helpless and dread each day and keep expecting one day I'll be out on the streets...

And as far as how to prevent this goes... I keep telling myself a job is the answer and yet I do nothing towards it... There's just no motivation and if I truly sit down and think about it... all I end up telling myself is how pointless my existence is and how undeserving I am as a person... Best case scenario I'll even tell myself that more deserving people get what I don't get.. that's me being positive...

You would think after 10 years of in and out help it'd... help... but it hasn't and doesn't feel like it will... This is me in a nutshell as of right now...

Lonely.... bored... plenty of dreams but pathetic and... just no will in life I guess... and wishing I could just be taken out of society since I'm no way able to contribute to it...

And then I'll think about my ex 3 years ago and know she made the right choice of leaving me and my current life only certifies it...

I can't make any long term friends nor have any thanks in part to my decisions made during her reign... her... abusive reign... that ended with me abusing back -.-

I'm just a mess... and I don't know how to cope

[white knight]

Hi P, welcome

I often think if we compare our lives with others we can identify where we have gone astray.

So, it's common for people to have a hobby, social interaction and goals. With goals they need to work but they normally have the endurance to maintain that working routine.

Thats in the "normal" world. Many of us are on the fringe of such a 2 income, 2 kids, 4x4, jetski, mortgage life.

But its normal for many of us that we dont fit into that mould.

What are your options?

1. Continue as you are

2. Try to enter that normal life

3. Do something radical

4. Accept yourself for your limitations

Option 1 wont see advancement. Option 2 has been strived for and for whatever reasons is not achievable

Option 3. Trying radical things. This could be an answer. Eg trying af a job at an outback station...cook, lending hand, the mines...anything to radically alter your course, to stimulate your mind.

Option 4, accepting yourself means accepting your limitations, but added to that is extending yourself, your abilities to their maximum. That involves thinking really positive but remaining realistic. It involves goals and doing personal responsible actions like caring for your mental and physical health.

I hope Im making sense.

You might know the theory but mentally cannot proceed until you are in a good place mind wise.

To assist you further listed below are some threads. Use google. Just read the first posts. You can reply in those posts or here

Topic: be radical- beyondblue

Topic: accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion- beyondblue

Topic: motivation, search and rescue it- beyondblue

Topic: focus and never ever give up- beyondblue

I hope you are ok. Post anytime in those threads or here

Tony WK