What am I going to do?

[Sonny65]

Hi I am new to this...I lost my husband last year to a very rare and aggressive form of cancer. I was able to support him and my children but in September of last year when I lost my grandma who I was extremely close to and I fell in a heap. Since then the grief has developed into Depression and my anxiety is through the roof. I have lost my self confidence and am pushing away those who are closest to me as I find it hard to socialize..work..do anything like I used to. I just don't know what I am going to do anymore. Would welcome advice from anyone that understands the struggle. Thanks

[PamelaR]

Hello Sonny

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thank you for sharing your story. My heart goes out to you. I can't even begin to imagine life after my hubby passes away. It's far too frightening for me.

You're life has been full of sadness Sonny. The grieving process takes it's time. There is no set timeframe and no order to the phases - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

Having anxiety and depression after all you've been through over the past years is not at all surprising. It's okay to be kind and gentle to yourself. I know it's hard when you think you have to be strong for your family. I think it's time to look after yourself now. From what you've written it certainly sounds like you need some comfort and caring of you.

You've come to a really good place, our community is very caring, supportive, friendly and non judgemental.

The loss of your grandma sounds like it's had the most impact. I can relate to that. The hurt stays for some time. I'd love to be able to heal you from all your pain. All I have to offer is my kind words and caring for you.

Some of the things I've learnt when I've grieved, especially for my lost babies is, I've:

• asked for help.
• talked to friends and family about how you are feeling, and joined a support group.
  taken care of my physical health. I found grieving is exhausting, so I know it's important to eat a healthy diet, exercise and sleep.
• managed my stress – by asking friends, family members or work colleagues to help me with some chores or commitments.
• relaxation and gentle exercise
• did things I enjoyed, even if I don’t really feel like doing them.

Many people do not know what to say or do when trying to comfort someone who is grieving. However, often it is the simple offer of love and support that is the most important.

So we are hear for you. You're not alone. Let us know how you're feeling. Each day can be different for someone who is grieving; we take the time to listen and understand what you're going through.

• What else is happening in your life. For example - are you working?
• Are you getting professional support. For example a doctor or health professional at the moment?

Keep reachng out to us when you want to Sonny. No pressure to write to us if you're not feeling like it.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[bubbly_]

Hi Sonny,

I was just scrolling through a couple of new posts and came across yours and decided i'd like to reply to you and see how you're doing. I"m sorry to read about the loss of your husband and what's you're going through lately. My dad just got diagnosed with bladder cancer last weekend, we're waiting to hear on the results on how bad it is this week, so fingers crossed.

I just wanted to share with you that it was a great step in reaching out on this forum and and putting it out there what you've been through, cause sometimes that's a hard step in itself. So good on you! You've reached out! Hopefully one day, if you're ready, you may even want to chat. I'd be happy to share our life experiences if you'd like, and listen to anything you may have to give. Dont give up hope, help is there if you need it.

Regards,

Tam74

[geoff]

Hello Sonny65, and a warm welcome.

It's definitely a sad post by you as well as for Tam74.

PamelaR has given you some great information which I want to thank her for.

What seems to have happened is that you were so strong, hiding how you felt until your grandma passed away, then that opened the door to depression and anxiety.

It was with you under the circumstances but it was hidden, you were pretending to be OK but finally, you couldn't hold it in anymore, I'm so sorry.

Can I please suggest that you book a double appointment with your doctor, who may want to prescribe medication and refer you onto a psychologist.

Please ask them about the 'mental health plan', this entitles you to 10 free sessioins per year.

Someone is always here, including ourselves when you want to talk and can