Traumatised and low energy after ghosting in breakup

[Miraa]

Hi all,

Last year I reconnected with someone I had an undefined relationship with. I ended it and did not speak to him for a year, because he lied to me. After a year, I chose to reconnect. Because for the first time in my life, I was not able to forget about it and move on. What followed was a terribly tumultuous time of me trying to "fix it'. By the end of the year, I was extremely vulnerable, weak, broken, hurt. I finally tried to put an end to it and sent him a message beginning the "end" of it. The following day, he ignored my message and was completely silent. I was so riddled with anxiety that I did not eat at all. He sent me single words when I called him. We had a short phone call, and he was adamant that we speak the next day. He has a habit of making me wait so I asked him when. He did not tell me a fixed time and after a few words hung up. I texted him three times and all were ignored. There was still no response at the end of the night and I still had not slept at 1am, feeling distressed. At 1:40am, he texted me that we should not talk anymore. I calmly responded agreeing, and that was ignored. I called and that was ignored. I texted again, if he did not want to call could he at least text me back, that was ignored. He has a history of ignoring me face to face, and over technology that I began to panic. I immediately couldn't breathe. At 2am, I sent a final message. I had a bath and threw up a little afterwards and went to bed, I never slept and arose at 10am. Still no response, and I blocked him.

I feel incredibly traumatised that he sent me a text message and "ghosted" (he practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication) me. He just disappeared and refused to respond. I am in disbelief that I wanted to end the connection, he prevented it and was adamant to speak more about it, then a few hours later can completely change his mind and disappear from my life.

Ever since then, I have been a shell of the happy girl I was. I am always low energy these days, have trust issues, have random anxiety attacks remembering, cannot enjoy activities or with friends. I feel so endlessly heartbroken. I want to move past it, but it has been 6 months and I still feel very sick.

I just wanted to put this out there, hoping it will make a difference in myself to express it. Any words would be appreciated. Let me know if you relate, or how you moved forward.

With love,

Miraa

[That Other Guy]

Sounds to me like he knew your vulnerabilities and used them to hurt you. I'm sorry this has upset you so much. Our romantic selves are something very close to us, any disruption here can take a long time to heal. You are worth so much more than what this man did to you. Whether you decide to look for love again or not, I am sure you can heal with time and move forward. Your happiness is the best revenge. You will move past this.

[Miraa]

Hi TheOtherGuy, sometimes I think so too. I feel embarrassed I still have feelings for him when he was able to behave in ways that were sure to hurt anyone. I will try to remember that when I feel low. Thanking you for your kind words, insight and reassurance. It means a lot.

Love,

Miraa

[Petal22]

Hi Miraa,

Well come to our forums.

I'm so sorry this happened to you, I understand that it would be difficult for you.

As hard as it is though this wasn't the man for you, he didn't deserve you.

Once you meet the right person they will never treat you this way, they will love and care for you.

Believe me he is out there and you will meet him when the time is right.

If you feel that it will help you to talk to someone so you can learn how to move forward from what you are going through please make an appointment with your gp you can do a mental health plan together this will enable you to see a pychologist.

You really wont feel like this for ever its just a stepping stone to know your worth and to know the love that you truly deserve.

Please chat to us any time

[Mark Z.]

Hi Miraa,

Thanks for sharing. I can tell that you really suffered a lot.

I do understand that the way how this toxic relationship ended has deeply traumatised you. However, the most important fact is that it has ended, and you are free. That cold-blooded man doesn't exist anymore in your life, and he's not worth a second to miss.

You are the master of yourself, not anyone else. Now it's time to focus on your own mental and physical health, and your loved ones. You're entering a new phase of a better life.

Mark

[Miraa]

Hi Petal,

Thank you for your kind words. I agree with you, he is not the man for me.This was a life lesson that I often wish I did not have to experience because of the sheer pain involved. But you are right, from now on I will know my worth and not accept any less. Thank you for instilling hope in me, I'm not ready now but I am sure excited for when the day comes to meet that special person.

With love,

Miraa

[Miraa]

Hi Mark,

Thank you for understanding my feelings.

It has intensely affected me, I think the pain of breaking up was definitely magnified because of his cruel final behaviours. You make a good point, now our toxic connection is over for good. Even though I can recognise that, I still think of him and miss him most days. My feelings were genuine and meaningful, really based on the person that he was. I can't seem to console myself on how much effort I put in, how well I know him, etc. and he does not know basic informations about me or pay basic consideration it seems.

Thank you for your reassurance. I trust what you're saying.

With love,

Miraa

[Mark Z.]

Hi Mirra,

When you say you still think of him and miss him most days, it's natural, and it's absolutely ok. Don't think there's something wrong with you, we are all human, this is the normal human response. You are very kind, know how to respect and cherish others, you will meet someone who also knows how to cherish you.

Don't try to shut down your mind when you miss him, it's not the way how our mind works. I think the right way is to make yourself busy, spend your time on things you love to do. Put yourself in nature, not at home. Time will heal. You may also try meditation. When you pay attention to the flow of your emotions, maybe you will gradually become relieved.

Mark

[Miraa]

Dear Mark,

Sorry for the late response. I logged in a few times for two days, and there were no more comments. I assumed everyone was finished, but it probably was a delay in post approval. So sorry.

Thank you for sending me this, I really needed it today. Yeah I try to remind myself that, feelings do not turn off automatically after a breakup. In a time where everyone's feelings seem so fickle, I funnily feel amazed I have been able to maintain these beautiful feelings of love for the same person. But currently, I just feel frustrated I still feel IN love and simultaneously traumatised to the point of daily nausea. It's exhausting to alternate between, and affecting my performance in other facets of my life. It hurts me even more that I don't think he is experiencing what I am, and definitely not to my extent. I feel he is probably entertaining other people per his usual habit, and that feels awful and unfair.

Thank you for your kind words and well wishes.

Those are some helpful and wise suggestions. Thank you for sharing them with me. I try my best to occupy myself and it sure does work when I am physically engaged with something. I'm struggling though with what to do with the thought in still moments, like when I have to study.

I suppose you're right, It must just be a matter of time. Thank you for this communication again, Mark. I really appreciate it.

With love,

Miraa

[Mark Z.]

Hi Mirra,

You don't need to be sorry at all.

There's no doubt that it's unfair for you. But unfortunately it happens until we find our soul mates.

Thinking from another angle, you have at least one gain, that is, you have a better understanding of yourself, you realise how good you are, you care more about your own feelings and you cherish yourself more. You accept that you don't always get what you pay for in a relationship, but you still look forward and feel hopeful about the future.

Like in that song, "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger".

Mark