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To post or not to post. We'll see.

Community Member

Is this a thing? I don't know if this is a thing.

What to write...

How to pin down which part of my story is relevant to this intro and decide whether it's something I want to send into the void for strangers to see.

I guess my right-this-very-moment struggle is over whether being a poster here is right for me. I spent a few years rather isolated and gradually built an online "home" for myself at another site (not related to depression or MI) and for the longest time it was my default go-to place for everything. Eventually I found that whilst it got me through some tough times and was providing me with a rehearsal type practice at human interaction and experience in understanding general relationship shenanigans, in some ways it was also feeding and enabling my isolation by keeping me from needing to leave the house or try to connect to face-to-face people.

Since then I have made an epic effort to go in the other direction and make online relationships secondary to face-to-face ones. But I have to admit I'm reaching a point now where I am feeling very burnt out and am finding it difficult to see people as much, if at all. And finding the site I used to use less and less appropriate for me as I have had a massive turn around in core beliefs since then and no longer agree with the basic principles on which that particular category of people operates.

Back when I was notoriously online and knew that it was beyond the point of doing me any good, I used to admit it freely, but still couldn't break the habit at first. I used to say that it's like medicine. If you're sick, you might need some medicine. But if you're sick for a long time and taking medicine consistently over a long period becomes habitual, you could get addicted to your medicine and keep taking it even if it's no longer doing good. And, it can be tricky to know when you are no longer sick because the medicine has been with you for such a long time.

Disclaimer: NO; I'm not talking about mental health prescription medications or suggesting anyone should go off their meds. By "sick" I don't mean MI and by "medicine" I don't mean MI drugs. It's an analogy. For argument's sake let's suppose I'm talking about a cough. Like if you had a cough for a long time but kept taking cough syrup even after the cough cleared up. Which I'm using as an analogy about coping mechanisms which are useful at first but become habitual without reassessment as things change.

I'm out of characters. I'll be around. Maybe.

19 Replies 19

Community Member

Hey Forrest,

YOU are going to fit right in here.

I would like to get to know you more.


Thanks for that Dory

Come what may it's always nice to be welcome somewhere

Hi Forrest,

Welcome to the forums 😊

I'm offline for a while (my reality calls for a bit of TLC) but I found your thread very interesting so wanted to say hi so I can find it again soon.

Dory is right you are very welcome here.


Community Champion
Community Champion


Welcome to the forum.

I find your story very interesting and I am sure you will fit in.

Have a look around at the other threads.


Community Member

Thanks Nat and Quirky. I feel a bit rude to have made a start and then just disappeared. I feel a bit stuck between realities right now. I can tend to go through phases of being very busy and then very house bound and it can be tricky to maintain relationships in either place without always having to begin them with an apology for absence. I'm also a bit torn about trying to justify having anything to say without having taken a lot of time reading other people's threads or replying to any of them as yet.

I'm getting myself out to a dance lesson tonight and I really don't feel like doing it. I'm gonna do it anyway and I usually enjoy it or at least benefit in some capacity once I'm there, but I still feel sooky about making the effort and sometimes it helps to have a place to whine about it. So there's my token whinge for the evening.

Hi Forrest 😊

Token whinges are absolutely welcome here! It is really hard to motivate yourself to get out of the house and do something (oh how I know this feeling). But once you get there does it make you feel good? What kind of dancing do you do?

I loved how you spoke about maintaining relationships and apologising for absences. Thats me. Some friends have gone because I just cannot do high maintenance. I felt like I was forever apologising.

The plus side is making good friends who accept you as you are. When I get in one of my housebound slumps and stop answering texts and calls my friend texts me "are you alive?" it always makes me laugh... And reply "haven't gotten rid of me yet". But she gets it. She will encourage me out rather than let me stagnate and then guilt trip me. I do the same for her.

So try not to worry. The forums are to help you feel well. Not to put pressure on you to come online and reply. Just go at a pace that feels good for you.

Have fun at your lesson 😊


Community Member

Well thanks for receiving me and my whinge. I did feel a bit better just knowing it was out there without even seeing the reply, but it was especially nice hearing back from someone.

Honestly going out doesn't always make me feel good. Sometimes it does, and sometimes all I have is the knowledge of the accomplishment that I did it anyway. But it usually DOES me good, even if it doesn't feel good. Espcially dancing. It helps me to go, knowing that even if all I do is get through it, at least I'm going to get some exercise.

I haven't been sleeping well which really didn't help at my dance lesson. I was a right old zombie by the end of it. But thankfully there was a friend there that knows me and some of my troubles (and whom has some troubles of their own and whom was also a bit out of it by the end) whom I could openly admit it to and we could whine and laugh it off together.

To answer your question, I've been trying to work on a few different styles of dancing but that particular lesson was partner dancing.

I'm taking a new medication tonight to help me sleep. New to me, not to the market. I think I remember reading something about how we're not supposed to name meds, so I won't. But I'm more than a little freaked out. I've had some rather hellish medication changes in the past... it shouldn't too be bad since I'm not changing as such, just adding this new one as a prn. But it's still a big deal. I think I'm most afraid of the vivid dreams that can be a side effect. I've been there and it can be out-of-this-world-cosmically distressing. But at this point I'm starting to walk around acting drunk for a few too many hours of the day in a row after a solid month or two of poor sleep and something's gotta give. Not to mention the stunted weightloss that can come from lack of quality sleep.

I'm also concerned about a physical abnormality which could make this medication problematic in the long term but I'll ask a GP about that when I get around to it. I had hoped to do so before taking my first dose but I just can't put off doing something about sleep any longer.

Not sure how soon it will change but I made my profile pic into a different Forrest tonight to reflect venturing into the unknown. I thought it might be fun and/or theraputic to sometimes change my pic to match my mood or circumstances. Still a Forrest, just in different modes or with different perspectives. To illustrate that I'm still me, just different sides of me.

Hi Forrest,

How did you go with the new meds? Yep feel you about new meds being a bit scary. I always feel nervous about the side effects (have had a few shockers). There are a fair few threads dealing with sleep have you had a chance to do a keyword search?

I like the new forrest. There are quite a few users who change their picture to flow with how they feel. I like that even if I tend to just stick with my old faithful fox 😊.

Dancing sounds really good actually. Especially partner dancing (no excuse not to talk and mingle there). The only dance lessons I ever took were for our wedding. Hubby decided last minute he wanted to dance. Most terrifying thing I've ever done. I have two left feet and no rhythm whatsoever 😊. Still feel sorry for the instructor. I slipped (heels and I do not work) and kneed him hopefully in the thigh but I suspect not.

Which dance style have you enjoyed the most so far?

Hope you have managed some sleep. Take care of yourself 😊


are still walkabout?

whats doing?