Switching Off The Emotions

[Em_J]

The past three years has been some of the most challenging in my life. Giving the shortest synopsis I can..my father fell really ill following a surgery. He then contracted sepsis and was dying. His words and his lack of will to live were so distressing. Through the grace of god he survived but it wasnt without scars. He was bed bound for almost a year and would cry out in tremendous pain everyday. He could hardly walk or doing basic task. It was so unbelievably awful to watch and be strong for him whilst it was happening. He recovered physically after 2 years but mentally the pain is still there. Early this year he tried to take his own life. Once again he pulled through and has been doing alot better which has been so encouraging.
As you can imagine reading this, it was pretty hard as his daughter to watch it all happen.
Mentally it has broken me so much and ive struggled these past years to move on and be happy.
My fiance and I got engaged and that has been amazing but his family cause constant issues and fights between us. We have really been struggling with how awful they have been.
I try in all situations to pick myself up and try harder again but this time I just feel so tired.
My fiance and I have had another upset discussion because of his family and I have had enough.
My brain just simply doesnt want to fight anymore.
I feel like a switch has flipped and I no longer have the energy for any emotion. it almost worries me.
Is this normal? at what point do I need to start chatting to my doctor and looking for medications to take again.
Ive been on and off medication for almost 10years.
Ive had a good run off them but now I have just succumbed to the depression yet again.
any advice is good advice,
Thank so much for reading this

[Este]

I think you should go see your gp and ask for referral to a counsellor to advise you on how to deal with your situation. Depression will just worsen if you feel trapped and don’t know what to do. It wouldn’t hurt if you go see someone as soon as you feel you couldn’t handle it by yourself. Just being able to talk to someone helps a lot.

[Croix]

Dear EM J~

There are a couple of things I'd like to say to you, apart from repeating Estée's common sense:

With a history of depression you need medical support right now, so please go see your GP in a long consultation and explain what you feel like, and the pressures you have had to face. I have needed that sort of support for ages, and it has made my life pretty good.

OK point number one. In any worthwhile balanced relationship you have to feel secure, loved and that you partner puts you first and will go to bat for you. If his family is toxic to you then although hard for him he has to choose you. there is no way you can be second in his affections. Does he realise this?

Point number two -your dad. He has had an incredibly hard time, and he has wanted to kill himself. That may be so, but you have been there -how much worse for him if there had been no daughter to grieve for his suffering and be strong for him? I strongly suspect you underrate yourself.

When a close member of the family felt that way due to grief and rang me onece or more every day I felt absolutely useless and helpless and thought I was doing no good at all. Years later that person told me just my presence, care and just trying was a huge help and got that person though.

Your emotions will return, they did for me. At one stage I did not know if I loved someone, or was even capable of love -I was separated from myself. But it all came back as I improved and my depression lessened

Croix

[Em_J]

Dear Croix,

I wanted to say thank you so much! This post really made me feel that someone had heard what I felt, I hadn't felt like I was able to really open up but on the forum I got the courage and having the response you did really helped me to see that there was someone out there who was not just hearing but listening.

I ended up having several chats with my fiancé and he really began to understand how much the strain his parents we putting on us, after years of our relationship, he finally laid down the law with his parents and its been slowly but surely improving our relationship. I'm hopeful that it will continue to get better.

My dad has always been the cliche hero to me, and in his life he suffered so much, but his strength to get through his pain has given me strength, I still cry when I think of the pain he went through and how it was all so unbelievable. But he has been doing better each day. I was able to visit my GP and began doing intense counselling with him every week for 2 months. It has helped in some aspects but the depression and anxiety don't give up easily, I've gone back on steady medication and feel positive about it now rather than viewing it as defeat. I never gave myself any credit for also pulling through the hard time we as a family went through but finally after months since posting it, I feel like I was and am a strong person. And the support of just a few people really does make all the difference.

Thank you so much!

[Croix]

Dear Em J~

I appreciate the thanks, we all do, it makes the talk with others , not always easy, worthwhile.

I think there are a couple of most hopeful passages in your last post:

"he finally laid down the law with his parents and its been slowly but surely improving our relationship"

That is a truly great thing to do. It is very difficult to go against everything in childhood, however it really does give you an excellent chance at a true partnership, where each puts the other as their first priority. It would have taken him quite some courage. I should know as I had to do the same, and grew up fast as a result (my GF became my wife and we lived out life lovingly together).

"I've gone back on steady medication and feel positive about it now
rather than viewing it as defeat. I never gave myself any credit for
also pulling through the hard time we as a family went through"

Well the fact you see the support of meds in a positive light is great. Resilience includes doing what is necessary, and your attitude can only help.

Also you are a very much a strong person, life has handed you a very hard time and you have coped. Perhaps you should consider that it is not just a question of your dad having been your hero, I'd suspect he realises that is true of his daughter too

Croix