Struggling again

[Patches63]

New to the forums and Beyond Blue but not to mental health issues.  About 15 years ago I learnt that I have struggled on and off with mental health issues since I was 9yo, I was mid 40’s at that stage.  I had been my mums carer for approx 6months.  Couple days prior to Christmas my mum had heart attack in my arms and was rushed to local hospital.  She passed away before I got to say Goodbye.  Not long after I had suicidal thoughts, was referred to psychologist who diagnosed depression and separation anxiety.  About 11 years ago met the man who I married few years later.  Just over 3 years ago he passed away following 6mth battle with cancer.  Since then been various ‘unpleasant’ or distressing things that happened that have been gradually wearing me down mentally.  I’m now having unwanted daytime flashbacks, panic attacks and wanting to withdraw from everyone.  

[Ggrand]

Hello Sweet Patches,

I’m really sorry that your not feeling so well mentally and having trouble sleeping through the night due to your anxiety….Same happens to me at times of high anxiety….Not sure if a gently spoken sleep story will help you at all or if you’ve tried them…I use them every night and most nights I get a good sleep but there are times I don’t…When I wake I again listen to one…

I’m sorry about your horse therapy not going as you hoped it would…Is their a farm around you that has horses for pets that you could maybe befriend the owners and visit horse sometimes?…or maybe a local rspca that has abandoned or neglected horses hat you could help nurture in some way…Im sorry Patches if I’m right of track, but just wanted to put a few ideas to you….

I agree with you about animals, they have such pure souls and somehow know when someone isn’t feeling the best…and are always ready to snuggle up with us…

Hugs sweet Patches with my kind thoughts and care..

Grandy..

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Patches,

I can understand why you feel disheartened as from what I understand you were looking for ongoing therapy and being able to work more with the horses.

More than a year ago I saw a counsellor twice in a nearby town. I was looking to do ongoing therapy but in a similar way she said to me I didn’t need to come back for a while after two sessions. I felt lost after that as I was trying to process complex grief and needed more help. I’d also tried some practitioners in the city (some who did SE) who hadn’t been the right fit either. It was then I went online and eventually found an SE practitioner who was the right fit and work with her via Telehealth.

So I just wanted to say please don’t give up and that I know it’s disheartening when initial attempts to get the help you are looking for is not working out. The reason I ended up coming onto the BB forum was at that time where I felt lost and wondered if I would ever find a therapist who was the right person for me to work with. But only about a month later I did. I just persevered. Obviously it’s not doing equine therapy, but it has been very beneficial to me and the person I’m working with is sensitive, intuitive and compassionate.

Perhaps you could look through the online SE directory and see if you feel like you connect with anyone there if they have a link to their website. You could even try calling some to see if they might be a good fit. Also, there may be someone doing something similar to SE who could be really good.

 I felt quite demoralised too because I had made such efforts to find the right practitioner, but in the end I did. So hold out for what you feel will work for you. I think it helps to keep following your intuition while nurturing yourself in the meantime. And as others mentioned, there may be other ways to connect with horses too while you are still looking for the right therapeutic support.

Take care and stay in touch with supports whenever you feel the need, such as here on the forum or calling the BB helpline if you feel like you need a chat. Sending you a supportive hug (if you would like one). I hope you can feel better soon and get some restful sleep.

[Patches63]

Thanks everyone for listening and for your suggestions.

I don’t know of anyone who has horses.  What I have got though is link to website for different se equine assisted therapy which is about 45 min drive for me in opposite direction to where this other one is.  This second provider was listed amidst list of providers for different types of assistance that BB counsellor sent me.  Info of this website says people sit in same paddock as the horses and that it is 100% up to the horses what they do and which one or ones go to the person during each session.  Place I tried the woman running it decided which horse or horses at the end of each session I could pat.  Info on website from link supplied by BB counsellor lists 3 specific stages people need help to work through with number of sessions possibly being as many as 11.  I did send her an email few weeks ago to which she took about week to reply in which she has said pace and number of sessions depends on each person but has found over many years of doing SE equine therapy everyone needs at least 5 sessions.

at the moment my head is in a spin.  I’ve got things to sell or get rid of as part of moving to new home in 7 weeks, last couple weeks been struggling with energy levels due to insomnia, trying to get things ready for the new house including the normal moving arrangements.  End of next week I have my next session with my psychologist and planning on having chat with her about ideas/things I can try to do with working through things where don’t feel overwhelmed.  For decades if lived with situation where I can have multiple things on my mind to do, might be as small as 2 or 3, and I can’t work through getting one done completely before doing another. I have them all started at same time

[indigo22]

Hi Patches,

The Equine Therapist at the new location seems to be more experienced than the one you tried, it's a pity it is further away, but if it is a better fit for you it will be worth the extra travelling.

I understand about not being able to focus on one thing to completion, I  often have the same problem.

Moving is such a big job and especially when you are trying to downsize the amount of stuff you have accumulated. I wanted to let you know about an organisation called 'GIVIT', they list items that are needed by people who are in financial difficulty due to floods, bushfires, domestic violence, etc., if you have some things you are willing to donate, you can list them on their site. You will need to take a photo and give details of the item etc. Just a thought in case you are interested.

indigo22

[Patches63]

Hi Indigo22,

I was not aware of GIVIT. Thanks for that information.

so far I have managed to sell couple items and have donated quite a lot to couple local op shops

Patches

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Patches,

 I was forgetting you are seeing the psychologist already. I’m so glad you have them to talk to. I hope the new equine therapy place is potentially a good option. It will be good when you are all moved and settled in your new place.

 I know I found my last move hectic and it was after that was over that I was finally able to give more focus to my mental health and general well being. I’m sure it will be a relief when you have moved and you can really focus on taking care of yourself. I understand about starting multiple things at once. I do it too and I look around sometimes and see various tasks in different stages of completion. I’m learning to go gentle on myself and accept it’s like that and just keep working through with what I can each day.

Take care and sending you good wishes and strength for the organising and moving. And hopefully some good sleep soon too 😴

[Patches63]

Thanks Eagle Ray for your wishes.  
I first started boxing in January this year due to placing my place on the market in February with one real estate firm who I did not find very helpful and there was no consistency, 6 open houses and during that time I had 4 different staff members from the real estate office come.  Withdrew everything from them and few weeks later met with very professional, very helpful and knowledgeable lady from different real estate firm.  I understand it’s all about timing but I only had 2 open houses after signing with her and she was in negotiations with 2 different interested parties who both came to first open house.  Less than 3 weeks on the market with the new firm and this lady had negotiated sale substantially higher than minimum asking price and for settlement period bit longer than usual maximum.

I am buying brand new unit in an over 50’s lifestyle village. Streets are bit on the narrow side and units are close together but that is part of the focus of the village that neighbours look out for each other and people don’t feel totally alone.  Start of this week I received phone call to say unit is almost finished.  Couple days ago went and was able to park in driveway on my new home.  I signed purchase contract in May and until couple days ago it didn’t feel real.  I’m expecting might take some time to get used to the downsizing aspect and am prepared for that.  It’s scary and exciting at same time.  I don’t know anyone in the village but every time I’ve gone to one of the events there people currently living there just come up and start talking.  
I move in at start of October after which I will let my relatives know I’ve moved.

[sbella02]

Patches63,

That's great to hear that you're moving in October, how exciting! Making these kinds of big decisions and purchases can be a simultaneously frightening and empowering experience, and thank you for sharing this with us. It's also good to hear that people are already coming up and chatting with you, social support is important.

Sending you good luck for the move!

SB

[Patches63]

Sbella02, one of the reasons I looked into lifestyle villages is due to the social aspect.

I enjoy my own company and happy being on my own.  
at times though I yearn for human company and interactions.

I currently live in small court where there are only 6 other units.

only person I have occasional contact with is my next door neighbour.

apart from that no one talks. Sad situation

Patches

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Patches,

I’m so glad you had the real estate agent who really helped you and managed to arrange things that went in your favour. The whole process can be stressful so having it work out is a great relief.

It’s a good sign that people at the village are friendly. I think I’m similar to you in that I’m fine living on my own but I still need that human contact. I live in a group of units now that surround a courtyard and it is nice because we all know one another. It is also a country town which probably helps in that we all see each other regularly. For example, my next door neighbour works at the local supermarket. My Aunty lives in a village similar to what you describe and she likes it because there are social activities and people give to support to one another, but she has her own space too and can spend time alone when she needs it.

 I hope everything goes smoothly in these final couple of months. It will be exciting to be in your new place. I know what you mean about it feeling unreal at first, but it will be a new chapter.

All the very best and feel free to keep us posted on how you go.