So many issues, grief and confusion

[Wrinklz]

I recently witnessed my 5 year old fur baby get run over by a car. She had been my support and saviour as I have obstructive sleep apnea and she would wake me when I was choking. She was my shadow my friend. I also haven’t spoken to my 27 year old daughter for two years because I didn’t vote yes to gay marriage, but i am not against gay couples being in love, it was just my opinion. Also we looked after my husbands 37year old son this year as he got off drugs, he was paying his way and we got him access to his beautiful 3 little kids, he kept doing really well for four months then stopped paying for food and rent and we could see he was going back downhill. So I couldn’t deal with it and had to throw him out. His children were safe as they reside with their grandmother. We lost our home in a fire 3 years ago, and it is something I still deal with, the sadness and loss of gifts from my children, photos and silly materialistic things. I lost my father 4 years ago, but couldn’t go to the funeral as I haven’t spoken to any of my family for over 20 years as they are jehovah witnesses, and I am not. I have developed high blood pressure over the last two years, and my doctor puts it down to stress. I am on so many medications but still feel sad, and the grief of witnessing my pup get run over has bought it all to a head. There are so many more things going on, that I find it safer to keep my mouth shut, avoid going out and just trying to figure out in my head why all these things have come to a head. My husband is a great support and when I suggested seeing someone he agreed, but at the same time I feel I would get so off track with all the emotional things I have dealt with the last 20 years, I would start crying again, send my blood pressure up and don’t know what would happen. I am so sorry to be a burden by telling you this, but if I am not face to face with someone I feel this is easier to write down. Thank you for hearing me out. Kind regards Kerry ( Wrinklz)

[White_Rose]

Dear Kerry

Hello and welcome. Glad you found us. Please remember no one who posts here is a burden. We are happy to give you our support.

What a lot of problems and worries you have in your life. I am sorry to learn life is so difficult at the moment. Our pets give us such joy and leave a huge hole when they go. It must have been devastating to witness the accident. It sounds as though she was in a way a service dog, trained to alert you when you got into difficulties. May I ask, do you use a CPAP machine? Have you ever talked to someone about this? I ask because continually waking during the night can have a huge negative effect on someone with sleep apnoea by not allowing them to get the deep sleep we all need. It will certainly not help you to cope with all that is going on in your life.

So sad your daughter and you are not speaking. As you say, your opinion is as valid as others. I think this is why it's good to keep our voting preferences private.

It's always hard to see our children not coping with life. Once someone has started on the way back to health it is a wonderful feeling but there is always the possibility of relapse. So disappointing.

And losing your home in a fire. That is such a enormous loss. As you say, all those personal items that mean so much to us. I know I would be upset to lose my memorabilia.

My parents lived in the UK and when dad died I could not go to his funeral as we did not have much money and I had a new baby. When mom died I was sad that I could not speak to her for one last time but I went to the funeral and was pleased I did. It was a farewell. These things may not seem much to others but they affect us in a big way. Can you hold your own remembrance service for your dad? It doesn't need to be huge and you can hold it in a church if you wish. Otherwise use your own home and garden and invite those who knew him to attend and to talk about about him. This can help with the loss.

It's hardly surprising you have developed high blood pressure with all these events piling up. It is important that you care for yourself. Having a supportive husband is great but I think he is in as much need for support as you much the same reasons. Seeing a psychologist is probably a good thing. Do not worry about crying. I think I cried for the first six months I went to a psychiatrist. It's their job to manage your emotions and help you to get to a more stable point before you leave. It is after all the reason you go there.

Mary

[Donnabalnor]

Hi sorry to hear about your dog I also get very low and some days the only thing I can do is walk my 2 dogs also scared that I must see a new counsellor at 1pm today I have problems opening up to people learned never say anything you do not want spread across the front page of the local paper

[Wrinklz]

I can relate to how you feel having to speak to a counsellor. I have enough trouble staying focused on one thing at a time and feel I go off all over the place. I went and saw my doctor yesterday and he is setting up a mental health appointment for me, but he told me to write all my problems down, and I said I would get all confused and upset as they occurred at different times in my life. He calmed me by telling me, this is why I have got to where I am at, as I bottled things up for so long. They don’t have to be in any order, but for them to help me, they simply need to know what is going on in my head, that has broken me and my heart. I wish you all the best with your new counsellor today. I agree with why you don’t open up with others though, because stories change so much when you think you are sharing with someone you thought you could trust. Good luck and thank you.