Sea change,left adrift

[MTildaWrmWd]

Hi All ❤️

I've just made a huge, belated change in my life. After 10+ years fighting depression, anxiety and resulting substance abuse, all on my own, I finally did what was ultimately the bravest thing possible...

I moved back home.

I'm lucky enough to have an incredibly supportive Mum who has always made it clear to me that I have a place to seek shelter. However, I firmly believe the pervasive "loser" stigma associated with living at home forced me to flounder in a life I just couldn't handle, for a ridiculously long time..I avoided it for as long as possible, for whatever reasons.. and I grappled for support anywhere else but the dreaded home with family. For whatever reason, this has ended up being the right time for me to seek that refuge. Living out of home since the age of 21 I only just, at 31, kind of "gave up".

However, my family is not exactly a haven of stability , they have a myriad of issues themselves. Both my siblings suffer with quite severe mental health issues. My Mum is on her own and a stoically "strong" woman. She finds the depression hard to cope with so I don't talk to her about it.. but we both know why I'm home...

Anyways, I joined Beyond Blue so I could have a chat on the forums as , although I finally find myself relatively safe, and at home, I have none of the structures I once relied on when I felt sad. I have made a literal 180° turn to move here... leaving behind toxic relationships, focusing on my health (physical and mental) , setting new boundaries etc. Although I'm fairly positive I am doing the right thing, it has been a lonely and confusing scramble towards wellness.

I'm yet to find myself a professional support system here.. and it has me feeling pretty overwhelmed so hoping to have a chat here when the "bad thoughts" do, inevitably, surface.

Thanks to you guys for providing a service to all of us "seekers".

- x

[RandR]

Hi there MtildaWrmWd,

What courage and thanks for reaching out on the BB forums.

My name is Raman, and like you, I too have suffered depression. IN fact I had it for 12 years and alcohol and substance abuse was my go to and triggered the worst states.

Fantastic to hear your mum is supportive and she sounds like a great and hero of a mum!! Having the support of your mum and shelter in a more controlled environment is fantastic however I can understand that their is more than just you under the same roof. It's very hard to tell or in fact, read what is on peoples minds.

It's very thoughtful for you to acknowledge that your mum might not be the best person to speak with regarding how your are feeling, however, you've come to the right place and can create a network and structure here whilst mainintening strong and positive at home. I know that feeling of flipping 180 and leaving toxic behaviour, relationships and substances behind you. That's the strongest first step. The next I found Wass someone isolating me and slowly working on my journey to wellness again. There is set tie limit on this. Understand it is a journey. But know that you will not be alone on this journey 🙂

What are some of your hobbies/interests?

I'm now 33 years old and are happy to chat and be an ear for you to talk to and share my experiences with if you like 🙂

It's a great feeling to know that you are not alone and that there is help and I'm glad you've found your way here.

Kind Regards,

Raman.