Really Battling.

[Beaser]

Hi this is my first post . I find myself really in a bad way . I have had a relationship breakdown because of my anxiety and depression and that makes me so sad and lost.Im struggling at work and have had so much time off and worry ill lose my job.I find myself just scraping trough each day and collapsing at night into bed to give my brain a break.Im 55 and have lived with my condition for so .Im exhausted by it all.Depression gives me such bad feelings of guilt that i shouldnt carry. Ruminating about everything is constant. I wonder if anyone has similar experiences and how they get through. I wish every one a healthy and happy day. Brett

[geoff]

Hello Brett, I'm pleased you have had great support, pand it's understandable that if your girlfriend has been talking about previous partners certainly doesn't make your love or connection feel very solid, I would be exactly the same as you, I'm very sorry.

When you collapse into bed at night, it's not easy to give your brain time to relax, simply because your mind goes over all the details you don't want to think about, making you feel trapped, that's what depression of any type does to us and makes us feel blocked in.

How about you write down on some paper all the issues that are constantly troubling you, then when you se your doctor and psychologist give them this list, there will be important issues that may not have been discussed, this will prevent talking about the same problem again.

Two dogs is wonderful but at times they don't fill that hole you're trying to fill, and the same with your football mates where it might be difficult to express how you actually feel.

Ask your doctor about a certificate which will you a reason to take time off work because you can't have this concern to worry about, it only complicates your situation.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Beaser]

Hi again Croix.

And thanks for reaching out again. My dogs are a couple of maltese shitzus i love them but they are starting to mess up inside which is causing me more grief and distress. Im really battling today and been back t o my doctor. I have taken more time off and that stresses me; My depression and anxiety are jusT so debilitating at times . Im 55 but sometimes i feel like im 15 and just need someone to tell me it will be alright. You know im so sick of this i just feel so alone in the battle. Thanks again i will stay safe. Hopefully chat soon. Brett.

[Croix]

Dear Brett~

It sounds like you have another job in front of you , but not unpleasant a one. If your furry companions are learning that making a mess inside is OK then I guess you need to coax them into other habits. When I'm still half asleep of a morning Sumo Cat comes and reminds me it is time to open the door so he can go out. If I ignored him I suspect I'd be cleaning up a mess after a while.

I was luck with him, he learned his habits from the previous cat (Nasty Cat by name).

Foxy Dog on the other hand needed training and would have to be taken out after a meal until she had done her business. Then praise and a dog-treat as a reward. Now I don't have to worry. I think it took about 6 weeks from memory before there were no more "accidents" inside.

Standing waiting by a dog can be boring, though I'm lucky to live where there a lot of birds to watch, also I mostly use my phone to listen to podcasts while I wait.

It is one thing you can control.

Not everything in your life will be so easily overcome but you will get there. I only have myself to go by, but if I can turn from a suicidal mess with PTSD, depression and anxiety and no prospects of ever working again into someone who is reliable and happy with his life I'd think you can too.

Croix

[Beaser]

Thanks Croix.

Just a bit of good news on the dogs. I just realised i had locked the dog door from the outside ,so the dogs couldnt get out that should help a bit with my problem. LOL hope your well and thanks. Brett

[Croix]

Dear Brett~

I would expect you thought the dogs were going to be fair bit of trouble when their behavior and 'accidents' inside seemed to have no reason. Well, that is how I would have felt anyway. It would have been a cause of worry, you love the dogs, but they can't really be allowed to keep on as they were.

The answer was simple, and with luck things are back on an even keel now.

The answers to your depression and anxiety are not as simple, and I'd not pretend otherwise, however I reached a state where I cope, and manage to want my life and those in it. It is easy over time to build up an expectation that nothing will work, and that itself hampers everything. I had that, and like you over the years have had many different medications, all problematic.

I seemed to be a sort of guinea pig for every new drug the companies put out, and it was highly discouraging, plus often a lengthy process to switch over. Some did nothing, some made things a lot worse to the extent of being dangerous, and some worked a bit, but with side-effects that were too difficult to live with.

Eventually however I was out on the right one and life changed quickly. surprisingly it even helped with the hypnotherapy I'd tried for a long time in the distant past, the self-exercises started to work - at least a bit.

I've been on hte medication for many years now and have not developed a tolerance.

I'd imagine a better therapy/drug combination is still waiting for you to find it. You are not alone in this battle you know, there is always us here on the Forum

So please keep letting us know how you are getting on

Croix

[Beaser]

Thanks Croix. I appreciate your time and effort to write to me. Probably the big thing is motivation at the moment i might try the half an hour at a time thing.Ive been on so many different meds too and frequently query the current ones but am told they are my best option. My phycologist hates me taking any anti depressants and this causes me anxiety itself.Its hard when you get different professsional opinions.. I am not sure if its the medication but guilt and indecisiveness seem to be my biggest weights to carry.

Im glad i got the dog thing sorted so that's a tick i guess.

Thanks again Brett,

[Croix]

Dear Brett~

You're welcome, trying to talk to others can be beneficial for me to in lots of ways too.

I guess motivation is something that an awful lot of us find tries to rule our lives. I have to admit same days, fortunately not all that often, I simply waste the day, reading or watching movies or nothing much in particular.

Actually I have sneaking feeling those days are therapeutic, a bit of self reward by doing things I like - implying I deserve to be rewarded. Maybe a boost to self esteem if one can avoid the guilts, and refrain from thinking "I should have been doing ....". Actually if it was something absolutely urgent (like feed the menagerie) I'd have to do it anyway.

I also find I'm more motivated after exercise. For various reasons I'm not able to do that much, but getting out and doing something makes me feel more like doing something else when I come back inside.

Your idea of trying for half an hours worth is good too.

That business of the meds, yes it is frustrating and leaves one feeling at a loss when medical professionals say opposite things about a course of treatment. I tend to find my psychiatrist is the most knowledgeable, and he actually has sent me to psychologists in the past for particular non medication based therapies.

For me it works this way: My GP is not there to debate the desirability of psychiatric drugs, but is reserved for purely physical ailments. That being said if there is a conflict between psychiatrist and psychologist a GP can probably make inquires with the two and see if they are actually at loggerheads or simply need to talk to each other more.

I'd suggest if your disagreement is between your GP and your psychologist get them to discuss the matter together, putting in your views too as part of their agenda.

Give the dogs a pat for me

Croix

[Beaser]

Hi and thanks again Croix.

Just regarding the psychologist i have began seeing a new guy. One who i feel a lot more comfortable with i have had two appts with him. The only problem being that he is so heavily booked and my next appt is in July. I have cancelled my previous phycologist it scares me a bit as he was easier to get in to see but i have my doubts about him helping me. I guess its a price i have to pay to see the right person. I feel its no point seeing someone who i have doubts about.

It seems my problems make these decisions so hard to make.

I wonder have yourself or others on this forum been in a similar situation.

Thanks again.

[Croix]

Dear Brett~

I think you have made the right decision. I've stopped going to GPs in the past where I had no confidence in their abilities, and they did not seem to be paying attention. A bit like ground-hog day, I'd go in and be asked the same things over, things dealt with in the previos sessions.

Now I'm seeing one who I have faith in, and am paying the same price as you are, not being able to get in easily. I guess word gets around for any that are good and they get booked up. Nevertheless faith is a basic part of the therapeutic relationship, without it I doubt things would work well.

As you have a long wait between sessions have you taken any steps to assist yourself whilst waiting? There may be a Mindspot course for example

https://mindspot.org.au/

that could be helpful. They do work in conjunction wiht your GP and are reputable (and free).

Croix