Really Battling.

[Beaser]

Hi this is my first post . I find myself really in a bad way . I have had a relationship breakdown because of my anxiety and depression and that makes me so sad and lost.Im struggling at work and have had so much time off and worry ill lose my job.I find myself just scraping trough each day and collapsing at night into bed to give my brain a break.Im 55 and have lived with my condition for so .Im exhausted by it all.Depression gives me such bad feelings of guilt that i shouldnt carry. Ruminating about everything is constant. I wonder if anyone has similar experiences and how they get through. I wish every one a healthy and happy day. Brett

[Sophie_M]

Hi Beaser, 

Welcome to the forums, it is an amazing and brave thing to share your story and how you are feeling - thank you. I can hear that you are feeling exhausted and that you are struggling and I am sorry that you are feeling that way. Speaking up about how you feel is always a great first step. 

I would highly reccomend having a look through the forums as I think you will find some other experiences like yours. Your experience is unique and your own, however the effects of depression and anxiety occur across the commnuity. You are not alone.

It might be worthwhile having a chat to one of our counsellors on 1300 22 4636 or you could check out the online chat service if you would prefer, just remember the online chat is availble from 11am - 
https://online.beyondblue.org.au

Thank you again for sharing your story and how you are feeling. Welcome to the forums 🙂 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[Croix]

Dear Beaser~

I'd like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you here, it's a good move to get other people's experiences, even though I'd imagine it is a hard thing for you to do, I found saying how I was to a bunch of strangers was surprisingly difficult and it took me three years of reading here to do so.

Sophie has given some good advice with those links, and talking to professionals can make a big difference.

I suppose I could give you general advice about depression and anxiety (plus personal experience which sounds very like yours) however your post describes how you feel,but says little about you and your life. I'd sooner be able to talk more about your circumstances if you were willing, you deserve the best one has to offer.

I understand your relationship ended, and wonder if you have anyone in your life now to give you support, family or a friend perhaps? Someone to speak frankly with and not be given silly reactions, but just care and an ear. When I eventually opened up I found just the sharing was a help.

Relationships do end when one partner becomes ill, it is a sad thing. If you were to improve would there be any chance of a reconciliation?

Talking of support may I ask if you have a doctor or therapist to help wiht your anxiety and depression. I found both made it more difficult for me to seek medical help but just kept on going - and getting worse.

When I finally did get the right doctor and then a psych I started to improve, and now I'm not recognizable. I was not that much younger than you when I started to get treatment

If you do have a doctor or psych, I guess the thing to do would be to tell them your treatment needs a lot of revision - you are leading no sort of life at all, just like I was.

Of course if you don't have a doctor now would be an excellent time to start. Just make sure you book enough time and can list the things in your life and how you feel like you did above.

I'd like it if you came back and talked some more, you will always be welcome

Croix

[Guest_206]

Hi there Beaser,
I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I'm also struggling to make it through each day at the moment and feel completely over it that I've had this depression for over 20 years and nothing really seems to change. I've had a couple of periods of time where medication has worked for a few months but then it dissipates. I just keep trying new meds in the hope that I will find something that works. I tell myself to just take baby steps every day so I don't get overwhelmed. But yes, it's a huge struggle.

[quirkywords]

Beaser

i too welcome you. Sophie and Croix have given you supportive suggestions.

Ruminating and guilt over my decisions are 2 things I tend to do. Relstionship breakdown at any age is so hard.
I think seeing a doctor as Croix mentioned would be helpful,.

guest206

I am so sorry you are struggling pleased you reached out to someone else despite your own problems.

Yes small steps and an hour at a time can help . When look at the big picture I too get overwhelmed.

I am glad you reached out here as you can see you are not alone.

[Beaser]

Hi Croix. Im grateful that you took time to read my post and reply in such a thoughtful way.

A bit more about myself. I Live by myself and a couple of little dogs,i do have a lot of friends mainly through my lifelong involvement with my local football club.I also found it hard to balance that with a new relationship as the club is more like my family as i have little contact with them i feel i cant drop that. My partner said she was ok with it but i just couldnt see it working.

I understand that my health has ruined my relationship,it was a relatively new one and i guess i got too clingy early.Shes a lovely girl but has mental health issues herself and has been treated poorly by previous guys.I found her talking about ex partners pretty hard and it played on my mind and even some jealousy crept in.I think the relationship has taken its toll on me.I do miss her and wish things were different,weve had a couple of tries again but my health gets in the way always.Iand i know ive upset her.Im really gutted to heve lost her i wanted to help her and be there for her i also know ive upset her and that hurts.

I do have a regular Doctor and i see him today,some people tell me to see someone different but he knows my history and does help me . I guess my only issue is maybe its become a bit easy and repetitive with him.I also see a phsycologist regularly again sometimes i feel good about him but others not so good. Its not easy to change to another as Covid has made them all so busy.

Thanks again Croix i hope my reply has described my situation a bit better.I would love to hear back from you and be more than happy to open up about anything else ive missed. Or hear more about yourself.

Brett

[Croix]

Dear Brett

I can't talk tonight, but I will.

Croix

[Beaser]

Thanks Croix be nice to hear from you again. Brett

[Croix]

Dear Brett~

Thanks for coming back and talking more. I guess there are things that have to to change for you to be confident and not just blame yourself, or think things won't work.

If I look at myself I can see that anxiety can skew my thoughts to feeling things are much worse than they are, things are my fault, and I can relive scenarios a lot. That has lessened remarkably with good treatment. It has also helped to have someone who can see when my thoughts are getting carried away and tell me that I'm going overboard.

I can understand your being clingy, again an aspect or anxiety, though some peole do like to feel needed a lot, maybe it was unfortunate your girl reacted the wrong way. The fact you have both wanted to try again more than once leads me to believe there is or was something there. A change in your thinking can make a lot of difference, if not with her then another.

An example would be your thinking your association with the football club could preclude a successful relationship. This sounds like the sort of pessimism anxiety brings. The is no real reason why each of a couple cannot have their own interests and friends. My partner and I certainly do.

I know you have a comfortable relationship with your GP and also your attending the psychologist sometimes seems helpful, however it seem to me their combined efforts are ineffective, your life is not good at all.

Do you think setting out in a friendly manner that their treatment is not working could bear fruit? Comfort in the consultation room is no substitute for a better life. Any reasonable medical professional would be prepared to hear their efforts were not working and cooperate in trying to find better alternatives.

Amongst your friends from the club is there anyone you can talk things over with who will give you friendship and also serve as a sounding board for your fears and worries? This is one of the really great things my partner does for me, and I've come to trust her judgment when I'm over anxious. It does make a huge difference.

I'm glad you have a couple of dogs -what sort are they? Pets turn a building into a home and are a constant distraction and source of love. We have one dog (Foxy Dog) and one cat (Sumo Cat) at the moment and they pretty well rule the roost.

Do you take them out for walks? I find that activity allows one to meet fresh faces with something in common.

You asked about me, as usual I'm out of space, so will mention that next time

Croix

[Guest_4643]

Hey there Beaser, welcome.

I'm so sorry, I really hope you don't lose your job, fingers crossed. I'm thinking of you.