Overwhelmed

[snowed-under]

First time poster, what can I say, I see the looks and attitudes that I should be ok by now by those in my life….but I’m not.

I am a widow, what an ugly word. I have flashbacks every other day of being told my husband died, I don’t want to see/do anything, I dont want to have to explain my situation and past to people over and over again , which keeps happening in the workplace as I get a new boss every 6 months or so HR is hopeless. I barely leave the house and have had so much time off I am lucky to still have a job. 
I just want to spend my days sleeping, crying, I want a break and don’t see getting one in my future. Some days I only get up to feed my animals….  I miss my other half. I miss hugs, I miss crazy dancing in the kitchen after a late shift, I miss his smell, I miss his everything and it is all so overwhelming at times, most days still……

Just sitting here needing some peace in my life.

[Sophie_M]

Dear snowed-under,

Thank you so much for finding the strength to bring your grief to us. We are a very supportive community, and we wish to welcome you.

We understand that grief can be quite overwhelming; especially when the partner we knew we would spend the rest of our life with suddenly isn't there any more. How can we possibly go on?

And yet, life continues to move forward, its demands insistently intruding on our mourning, constantly interrupting our desire to hold on to those treasured memories for as long as possible. It could even feel like we are betraying our lost love by needing to say goodbye.

We know that grief is often difficult and overwhelming. We also know that each person experiences grief a little bit differently, and in their own time. And, we know that the process of grief must be gone through, not skipped over.

We would like to encourage you to talk with your GP about setting up a mental health plan so you can work through your grief with a mental health specialist. You may also call our counsellors on 1300 22 4636. They should be able to help you locate a grief program in your area which should be able to help guide you through the process of working through your grief.

Finally, many of our wonderful community have been through the grief process that you are currently experiencing. As they find this thread, we expect they will have lots of caring and support to share with you.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.
 

[geoff]

Hello snowed-under, it is so sad to lose a spouse you so dearly love, many times which is unexplainable and unfortunately happens at the most unexpected time is devastating and I'm truly sorry for what you have to try and cope with.

There is so much you have lost, the times where you both enjoyed what you were doing and certainly the closeness you had together, plus all the other little idiosyncrasies that no one else knew about that makes you suffer, it must be so terrible for you.

Sometimes the same happens when you become divorced and when the two of you are able to communicate, but that's another story.

When you find someone you can talk to, it's not so that they can become another soul-mate, it's person you can communicate your day's activity with, a person you feel comfortable with, but with no intention of forming a relationship, because this may be something you fear and that's understandable.

Can I please continue as I've had to delete many lines as it said I can't post this, but now I can, I am so very sorry, but I'll get back to you.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Sophie_M]

Dear snowed-under,

Thank you so much for finding the strength to bring your grief to us. We are a very supportive community, and we wish to welcome you.

We understand that grief can be quite overwhelming; especially when the partner we knew we would spend the rest of our life with suddenly isn't there any more. How can we possibly go on?

And yet, life continues to move forward, its demands insistently intruding on our mourning, constantly interrupting our desire to hold on to those treasured memories for as long as possible. It could even feel like we are betraying our lost love by needing to say goodbye.

We know that grief is often difficult and overwhelming. We also know that each person experiences grief a little bit differently, and in their own time. And, we know that the process of grief must be gone through, not skipped over.

We would like to encourage you to talk with your GP about setting up a mental health plan so you can work through your grief with a mental health specialist. You may also call our counsellors on 1300 22 4636. They should be able to help you locate a grief program in your area which should be able to help guide you through the process of working through your grief.

Finally, many of our wonderful community have been through the grief process that you are currently experiencing. As they find this thread, we expect they will have lots of caring and support to share with you.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.
 

[geoff]

Hello snowed-under, (continued), how your husband passed away is no business of anybody and if you don't want to keep repeating yourself to those who ask then just tell them 'it's very personal', and keep those precious moments all to yourself, they are memories you only you want to keep to yourself, because if you have to keep telling people, the love of these past memories won't be as strong as you want them to be.

If I could suggest to you and I know that it won't be easy to do this, and apologise if what I say does upset you, but I have absolutely no intention of doing this, but living in the house that you and your husband enjoyed so much together can be very difficult when you are by yourself, too many memories, so what I'm suggesting is if you could move to another residence by selling this home.

This could enable you to carry your thoughts but not to be reminded of those specific occasions by seeing familiar rooms etc.

Please take care.

Geoff.

Life Member. 

[ecomama]

Dear snowed-under, I'm so glad you joined the forums. A warm welcome. 

Please accept my deepest sympathies for the loss of your husband. 

Thankyou for sharing your thoughts and feelings about how things are after losing him suddenly. 
I cannot imagine the horrendous loss nor the deep grief you feel. Hugs. 

From your first post alone it appears like you're suffering from trauma responses. The intrusive thoughts coming so regularly are a sign of this. Being triggered by so many things are another sign.
It's no wonder, and through no fault of your own, that you have these experiences! 

I'm expressing myself with deep kindness when I ask, have you have support from a grief Counsellor or Psychologist? 
You are ALWAYS welcome to share whatever you want to here on the forums. 
A MH professional will be able to help you cope and allow you to talk things out. 

I have some strategies for you to try, about wanting to cry all the time.

My Counsellor said CRY! Cry it all out.
After a few years I didn't want to cry from the headaches I got, so she said cry for half an hour (I thought this strange but it helped). Choose a special place to cry before work and after work. It could be a serene place to be like a beach or nature trail. Somewhere away from your home. 

I'm so glad you have your animals. They make us live through this time by needing us so much. I used to cry to them, with them on my lap or on my bed at night. They seem to know and respond to our sadness. 

If anyone asks you can simply say: 'I'm grieving from the sudden passing of my husband and I'd rather not go into details'. 

I hope you come back and let us know how things are going? 
There are other threads that focus on healing after trauma which you are welcome to join in on also. 

Love EM

[Petal22]

Hi snowed under,

Wellcome to our forums.

Im so sorry for the loss of your husband and that you are feeling this way.

I’m sorry you are feeling judged by some people in your life.

Do you know what? Let them…. You are never responsible for what other people think about you.

Thats their responsibility and a reflection of themselves.

I understand you miss your husband and that’s totally understandable.

You are allowed to grieve for as long as you need and feel all of the things you need to feel.

Have you thought talking to your gp about the way you are feeling.

Sometimes a psychologist who specialises in grief could be helpful to help you to work through things.

You will get through this and find peace within yourself once again.