Old Dog Needing New Tricks

[Jaycbee]

I have suffered social anxiety most of my life but have only just been able identify what is wrong with me. Coming up to 60 its amazing I have finally found a group that I fit into and have some hope for the future. I have two great girls who have grown into wonderful balanced young women.

Throughout childhood I was shy, a home body, sensitive. I have been perceived to be independent, capable and focused.

Inside I feel I am a failure even though I have achieved so much in my lifetime. I have relocated to Qld from NSW to try to again. No friends, no family, a job I am struggling with and a realisation that I can't keep doing this alone even though I have repeated this behaviour on numerous occasions. I have hobbies which seem to keep me isolated because of my fear of rejection. Basically I know whats wrong but am struggling to break the cliche cycle. Even writing this I know the tone is defensive.

I need to learn some new tricks to overcome my anxiety - reading through some of the forum posts has helped so thank you all.

[Marie_W]

Hi Jaycbee,

Welcome to the forum! It’s great to hear that you have been able to get some support through the posts here.
It sounds to me like you’re going through a period of transition at the moment, in that you have finally identified your anxiety after many years and are wanting to do something about it. Have I got that right?

I think everyone has different ways of managing their anxiety – what works for one person may not work for another. I’m wondering if there is anything that normally calms you when you’re feeling anxious? Some other suggestions could be breathing exercises or muscle relaxation techniques when you notice yourself getting anxious in a social situation. I think it’s important to remember as well that you are not your anxiety and it does not define you as a person. This webpage also has a few handy tips on how to manage anxiety: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety/treatments-for-anxiety/anxiety-management-strategies.
I just wanted to highlight some of your strengths that I noticed from your post as well – you made a move interstate to make a fresh start, you raised two balanced daughters, other people believe you are capable and focused, and finally, you’re reaching out for help to manage your anxiety.

It is great to hear that despite your anxiety, that you are remaining positive about your future and enjoy some hobbies. Is it okay ask what these hobbies are?

Looking forward to hearing from you soon if you would like to respond.

Marie (:

[Jaycbee]

Hi Marie

The words are there and I have been struggling now more so than when I first moved - maybe because of the newness of everything earlier on. I enjoy to listening to music, reading, walking, swimming, gardening (although in rental apartment its difficult to do) Have gotten back into these things but they no longer calm me down - my big problem is that I am lonely but too scared to put myself out there due to insecurities within myself. I have tried a social meet up group but struggling to commit mainly because I am scared of being judged

When my marriage failed I lost my place in the world, granted I am still a mother and always will be. Family has always been important to me and I couldn't hold even that together. Its been ten years since that happened but I still feel guilty. The girls were relieved for both my ex and myself as we were both making each other unhappy which also impacted upon them at a vulnerable time in their lives.

How can I trust myself again to make the right decisions - was my move just a flight reaction to my job being made redundant if I chose not to relocate with the business. It was an opportunity for a new start but who just packs up and leaves without knowing anything about the place. It is becoming one of my "habits" although admittedly the previous move was with my then husband.

I have reached this age and am still unsure about my life and future as when I was a teen. I try to do all the right things eat well, exercise, don't smoke or drink, try to treat people with the same respect that I would expect from them and yet here I am - anxious.

[Marie_W]

Hi Jaycbee,

It's great to hear from you and thank you for sharing more of your story.

Reading through your post, I can really hear that you're feeling uncertain and confused about life at the moment. Like maybe you've reached a crossroads in life and you're not sure which way to go? I understand you are feeling pretty isolated and alone too, and that your self-doubt is making it hard for you to reach out to others. You said that you are finding it difficult to commit to a social meetup group due to the fear of being judged - is it okay to ask what you th you will be judged on?

With all of these things on your mind, I'm sure it could difficult to imagine what your future could look like. But I'm wondering, if you woke up tomorrow and, miraculously, all the concerns you have mentioned in your post had disappeared, what would this look like for you? What are some of the things that would change?

Despite all that's going on for you at the moment, it sounds like you're still eating well, exercising, taking up hobbies and refraining from smoking and drinking. It's great that you're making the time to look after yourself.

I hope you are having a good start to the week and look forward to hearing from you if you would like to reply

- Marie (: