Newbie

[Failsafe]

Hi everyone,

I've suffered with anxiety all my life, but last weekend something broke and I found myself a ugly crying snotty mess over the state of my life and the loss of my coping mechanisms due to COVID-19.

After a really unsatisfactory text conversation that night with a friend, where my ability to still be articulate and self aware may have disguised how terrible things really were, I found myself feeling less supported but also fearful that I was slowly alienating the people I do have left.

Yesterday I rang through to beyond blue and a very kind person put me through to mind Australia to arrange some counselling. Unfortunately I haven't heard anything as a result of that referral at this stage but the action has pushed me to find another local option to see.

I have an appointment next week and if I find it suitable I'll set up a mental health plan. I've even made a list of the issues I know I need to work through and the outcomes I'd ike from it all. And yet I am still cycling through paralysing anxiety that steals all my focus as random thoughts pop back into my head.

I also rang an additional service later that day to speak with and mentioned the interaction above with my friend. They challenged an idea I'd always had that your friends and family should be the people you reach out to when you're struggling. I always took that to mean tell them about the issue, talk it through etc, but she emphasised that they're not mental health professionals and they have their own lives and issues. She said reaching out to them when you're down is fine but if the reaction is like the one above you can rely on services like the call lines and keep those friendships in a more superficial place if needed that still gives connection.

Problem with me is when I'm like this in tend to become fixated, and frequently need contact to dissect the issue or ally the anxious feelings.

So I've decided to join up here, and hopefully I can post when the overwhelm hits and restrict the negative impact to friends and family until I can get myself into face to face help.

I'm sorry for the overly long explanation filled post, it's pretty typical of me though. Thanks in advance to anyone who steps up in the coming days to offer support or thoughts as well.

[Just Sara]

Hi and welcome FS! 🙋‍♀️

Your story is totally understandable, that's why online spaces like this exist. Members support each other and in some cases become really good friends.

Please don't worry about posting long posts either, especially because you use paragraph breaks. It can be difficult for people suffering MH symptoms to focus on long drawn out posts with little to no punctuation. So you're doing fine 😀

I'm glad the BB helpline was useful; great advice btw. Just wondering if that appt you have is with your GP as they're the ones who create the MH plans. If you see a psychologist first you'll have to pay the full cost without a Medicare rebate.

You have so much going for you; self-awareness, are open to support and taking steps to help yourself...proud of you!

So have a look-see at threads and sections to familiarise yourself with navigating the site and getting to know people ok.

Lovely to meet you btw.

Kind thoughts;

Sez

[Aphador]

Hey Failsafe! 🙂

Welcome to the forums! Well done on identifying that you need help and taking the subsequent steps to seek it. Often it is the most challenging step. Also great idea on creating a list! Especially for first-time meetings, there can be so much going through our heads that we forget what we want to talk about.

I find that having the support of my friends and family when I am going through difficult times is important. I am sure that you have already considered this, but perhaps you should discuss the 'ethics' of this with your counsellor.

If you feel you are unable to talk to your friends, I do sincerely hope you find these forums a useful place to discuss issues 🙂

Also, I'd just like to echo's Sara's sentiment: I have made the mistake of making an appointment directly with a Psychologist rather than first with a GP to create a plan.

[Failsafe]

You know how I know I'm not doing great, the kindness of your post had me tearing up.

Thank you Sara, I think this is going to be a very helpful place to be.

In answer to the MH plan question, I plan to do the first session full fee to see how I click with the person.

I would prefer to use my MH plan once I find the right fit, I seem to recall when I used one many years ago that having seen a full fee previously didn't negate the ability to get the plan after so I hope that's still the case. I'll do some research.

Again, I really appreciate the kindness and the friendly welcome 😊

[Just Sara]

Many thanks FS; you're so very welcome 🤍

I'm glad my post was helpful. I like your approach to finding a compatible therapist too; makes perfect sense.

And as for the tears? (Hugs) Sometimes kindness can hit an unworthy place in our hearts. I remember crying, you know...the ugly type, many times after joining all those years ago.

Holding onto pain while trying to mask feelings in front of others builds over time. Having a safe and anonymous space to voice and express that pain can sometimes be better than therapy; speaking (writing) your truth without fear is such a relief.

And, reading it back a couple of days later has the capacity to bring valuable enlightenment. So please take care of yourself on this journey of self discovery ok. I'll be looking out for you and pop in when I can.

Warm thoughts;

Sez