New to Beyond Blue

[TravelBug2021]

Hello,

New to these forums. Only jointed today, 26th September. I've tried googling online therapy sessions, however, not quite sure if they are same or scams. I've heard of Beyond Blue which is Australian

Anyway, what brings me here is that I'm hoping to get some friendly advice/help as I'm feeling quite depressed at present. I was in a 4year relationship with a man who was a narcissist. After 4 years, his packed up and left and I am struggling to cope and trying to be strong and not contact him.

I've watched so many youtube video's on what not to do when a relationship with a narcissist ends, however, hard carry out the advice that is recommended. I was wondering if there is anyone out there who has had any experience with a narcissist person in their lives?

Alicia

[Sophia16]

Hi TravelBug,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums 🙂

Beyond Blue has a live chat (https://online.beyondblue.org.au/#/chat/start) and 24/7 phone service that you can contact (1300 22 4636) .

I have never had any experience with a narcissistic person but i know that it is going to take a long time for you to get over a 4-year relationship, so please do not expect it to happen quickly. I know it is hard but you will get through it.

Here are a few tips to get over a breakup:

- Keep busy with things that you enjoy

- Work everything through a psychologist

- Write everything about your feelings

Please stay safe and i am here to chat if you need.

[Mark Z.]

Hi TravelBug2021,

Welcome!

I'm sorry for what you have experienced. I myself don't have experience with a narcissist. However, I understand a relationship is all about loving, supporting and talking care of each other. Thus maybe it's not a bad thing to end this?

You need to take this opportunity to start talking care of yourself this time. I fully agree with Sophia16, find your purpose and go for it, keep busy with things that you enjoy, spend precious time on yourself to take care of your physical and mental wellbeing. You'll be shining brightly.

Warmly,

Mark

[Mk2692]

Hi TravelBug2021,

I'm sorry that you went through that, it must have been tough. I personally don't have experience with your situation, but i've been through my share of break ups. Healing takes time, so give yourself the time you need to grieve and remember there is no specific timeline. It is harder at the start to take the first step to healing from something that has affected you but once you take the first step, your future self will thank you. If you are not sure where to start then I would recommend seeing a psychologist or counsellor. Talking to someone can help you with the emotions you are going through but also answer maybe some questions you have. This is the time to focus on yourself and your growth. I personally started doing yoga and reading more, after my recent breakup. Also, you might find it useful to reach out to a friend or family member and talk through it. Hope that helps.

[CarolineHannah]

Hi there, yes I have had experience with being in a long term relationship with a narcissist if by which you mean someone who didn't want to meet your needs, somehow felt every problem was your fault and you did everything you could to make them happy with you, but they never were. All I can say to you is you need time to heal, everything wasn't your fault, and you need to seek out people who are kind to you and also be kind to yourself. It will get better. Don't seek him out, nothing will change.

[geoff]

Hello Alicia, and a warm welcome to the forums and thanks for your comment.

Sometimes when a narcissist decides to leave is because they never apologise and feel as though they may have lost the fight when you decide not to argue back with them as well as losing the chance to dominate the relationship with you because that's where they gain their power from and never believe they are wrong.

If you contact him, then all you are doing is feeding him with the strength he wants, so if he does want to come back, you'll be worse off than your previous situation with him, and anything you do want will be left for him to decide and may probably won't be to your liking.

Since he has gone then he may not want to reply back, he has had 4 years with you and will move on to someone else, don't waste your energy and try to find another person, one that will happily share your ideas with his.

Geoff.