Dear Minni
Hello and welcome to the forum. This is a good place to talk about depression and pick up some tips. It's also good you have started to see a psychologist.
Depression does not last forever. It sounds as though the the reality of starting a family has come as a shock and you feel overwhelmed and shocked. It means a huge change in lifestyle and priorities, almost like a wall cutting you off from your previous way of life. And that can be scary.
I have known many moms-to-be and no one is completely prepared for their first baby. I know I was quite unprepared for the reality of caring for a tiny scrap of humanity. Then I had a second baby a year later. It is hard work but the rewards are great.
When you become depressed it does seem like it will never end, that this is how you will spend the rest of your life. I don't know that trying to have good days works anymore than if you tried to have a bad day. It's more important and beneficial to take each day as it happens. Trying to feel happy when all you want to do is cry is basically impossible.
Instead, write a list of thing you enjoy doing and put it on the fridge door. When you feel hopeless and the world hates you, look at this list and choose one activity and do it. Don't spend ages choosing, just do the one that catches your eye. Absorb yourself in it because it's meant to be pleasurable.
I know it will be hard to write a list as you will feel nothing interests you anymore. This is where you need some determination. Do one of those listed activities however you decide you hate it. Focus on it, look at it from different angles, think about the pleasure it will bring when you have completed this activity. These are the sorts of activities that give you a reason to keep on going.
Write in again.
Mary
