new here

[TOMA]

Hi I new here used to post on sane forum but got lost in myself and moved trying to start life again but you cant hide from yourself.

Basic info oct 12 2012 5.30pm my previous life stopped and scorpion came to be. we spent 3mths in rehab hospital kicked out as they needed beds so a few of us where unseromonusly discharged in to the world unfit unready. We have been diagnosed with suvere depression PSTD anxiety issues occasional suicidal thoughts hate crowds and traffic. So quit longstanding well paid job sold house for a loss and move to a small country town and not a traffic light for 400klm. But no this didn't really help less triggers but still struggling cant do what I loved for 40 years, most of my old friends no longed contact me or reply if I contact them.

So we come to today woke up feeling strange like it wasn't me and the world wasn't really mine took a sleep pill went back to sleep still feel like im watching someone else living my life sort of like a dream cant wake from. just need to get this out of me if I say this to my doc he just wants to put me in care and just don't want that.

anyway looking forward to reading how other people are coping hoping to learn form others.

Scorpion

[Croix]

Dear Scorpion~

I regret the time it has taken for you to receive a reply, it is the system not working as we wish, not you, or the subject of your post. Quite the opposite, your need is great and all that time without contact would have been at the very least discouraging.

Then again I regret the eight or so years you have been coping with the illness. You are like me it with PTSD plus bouts of depression and anxiety.

I have the feeling that the usual words one says will have already have been said by you to others, and you already know the forms PTSD (and physical recovery too) takes. Plus of course people's reactions, both so far off track as to be painful, and those who really do understand.

Time for the me too's, except my causes were different, my occupation being the problem.

"im watching someone else living my life sort of like a dream cant wake from"

Exactly. For me like a pane of glass between me and myself on the other side wiht the world. Watching with little understanding of my self, why I did what I did, unable to fathom if I could love, or most things realy. Plenty of self-hate, guilt, hopelessness. No I did not like me either.

Depression and anxiety had isolated me, and narrowed down my thoughts, cutting out the bigger world, to a few hopeless and unfix-able thngs, seemingly all my fault. Familiar?

That ended with me in hospital, suicidal and not even caring I was there. Unpleasant but did me a lot of good-which surprised me at the time. Being away from the world, isolated and without pressure helped. As did a kindness in there.

The therapy ended up after a very long time as talk therapy, and suits me. Gives me comfort and perspective.

I guess you feel you do not want hospital and cannot tell your doc as a result. Can you tell anyone else, anyone close? Talking to a real person, particularly if the care - they do not even have to understand - can be a help.

How to cope? Well all are different, mine featured fortnightly visits to my psychiatrist, they continue. Medication, tried so many felt like a guinea pig, but finally landed on one that works quite qwell, the last few years I've not dreaded going to bed.

I studied after a long period of hanging round , a source of negativity and ire. My wife strongly suggested study. I found something I liked by pure chance, did slowly but well. Ended up teaching.

Completely unexpected. I thought my life over.

Won't fit in one post. You could talk more next time if you liked

Croix

[TOMA]

Hi Corix

Thanks for your reply was beginning to think I we where really alone. A lot of what you said rings true I would love to sit down and talk freely with a non judgmental friend but in the last few years my closest mates have died of cancer or complications to treatment there of. Another one has become a consperosy believer and now has extreme beliefs of his own so we no longer talk.

The past week has been a huge burden as several medical issues have coincided at once and have caused me to have extreme dark thoughts I suppose I just want peace in my head . I am in a way confused about myself right at this moment I am having trouble thinking as I seem to have a million of them at once so I will go to my shed and make a table I promised someone and just focus on that .

Again thanks for your reply.

Regards Scorpion

[Croix]

Dear Scorpion~

No you are not alone, there enough of us with PTSD and all the rest to have our own section. Here at least you will be understood. You might find browsing around the section is interesting. That's how I started posting, someone was going through a stage I'd been facing and was frightened as to what might happen. I was able to tell them it would work out.

As we reach a certain age many people we know pass away, friends, family, even TV/movie personalities. It all changes and the resources we used to have become less available.

I do like your idea of going to the workshop and making that table. I think it as good a way of dealing with things as you could find. Provided you have a few basic skills wood does what you want, and you end up with the item you pictured in your mind, and have had to concentrate on something real to get there.

I used to be able to do that, unfortunately not in a condition to do so now. Instead I put on CDs of old BBC comedians and do a bit more catalogueing of my movie and TV collection (I have mainly 50's -70's stuff.) The comedy still raises a quiet laugh and the indexing mind-numbing to drive away just about all thoughts.

Hope the table woks out OK, getting everything level can be tricky.

Croix