new here and very scared to post

[always_hope]

Hello everyone

I'm new here ,first day,and very shy to post...I have bipolar over half my life diagnosed ,BPD,ocd,severe PTSD..I'm here to give support to all and perhaps receive some support in return

Happiness and inner peace to all

[always_hope]

Hi Lynda 🙂

I can tell all ready that you are a beautiful person inside and out .

My confidence never had a chance to grow.

My abusuive mother told me every day how ugly I was ..

And my father stole from me any chance I had of liking myself .

My loving husband of 24/ years tells me every day how much he loves me... And how beautiful I am ...but Lynda ...I always push him away,in so many different ways .

I'm so very sorry to hear my darling ,that your marriage ended...but I am very glad you have found a loving and supportive man now.

I'm a strong believer that everything happens for a reason ...and every event brings us to where we need to be in out life's journey.

I will definitely post a picture of something that makes me feel happy ..thank you for understanding and supporting me in that...I think I will post s cute yummy cupcake .

More about me ....I'm 43 married ...a son 19 and a daughter 15 and my real name is Lilly

I don't work at the moment due to the fibromyalgia and having a severe mental breakdown in April this year that lead me to be in hospital one month...time spent there

Saved my life ...I learnt so much about myself and how to bury bits of my childhood

I wish I was strong like you and could forgive my parents ...but I just hold do much anger ..hurt...

My mother murdered my younger brother when he was only two years old ...in her mental state ...she was sent to jail for 7 years only due to mental illness ...I will never forgive her for that ...or for spending the rest of my life treating me that I would end up the same way ...

I am so pleased I have met you and I hope we can talk lots more

Please stay happy ,well and love yourself everyday ...I value you as a sufferer of this awful disease and as a person

Hugs to you my friend

[pipsy]

Hi Lilly. Lovely to here back from you. Letting go of the anger you have won't be easy, you have carried it for so long, it's part of your makeup. I was so like you when I first came here. I had bottled my anger and resentment and letting go was a battle in itself. However, through the man in my life and these forums, I realized I was hurting me more than those I resented. One thing I learned was to look at why I was angry, was it because of what had been done to me, or was it because I couldn't prevent what happened. When I realized the anger was because I couldn't prevent it, I started realizing that what had happened made me a better person, because I knew I could never hurt someone as I had been hurt. My toxic in-laws also made me angry because I allowed them to. If you allow someone to hurt you by being in their company, it will continue. Distancing yourself from people who hurt you, stops the pain because what they say behind your back is their jealousy of you. My depression had a field day because of the anger. Once I let go of the anger, the depression had to go too, as there was nothing to 'feed' it. I'm sorry your mother caused your brothers death, I'm also sorry you feel you can't forgive her. If she was unstable at the time, she possibly did not mean to kill him. She's had to live with so much pain for hurting you and what she did to your brother. I realize you will never forget your brother. It's possible your mother will never forgive herself. Depression can cause incredible cruelty and it's merciless in it's destruction. I'm 65 and it's only in the last couple of years, I've learnt to forgive and let go of the anger and resentment. Letting go meant I live happier and stronger. Holding on to anger and resentment weakens you because it's destructive. I actually pity those who hurt me, I'm better than them.

Lynda

[Kazzl]

Hi Lilly, hope it's OK to join in here. I really want to just send you a big virutal hug and say how glad I am that you have joined us.

You've had some good support from a number of people, especially the wonderful Pipsy. And that's what we do - it's a great place to get stuff out of our heads and into the open so we can see things clearly and try to heal.

I have bipolar too, so I truly feel for you hun. They say bipolar is genetic in about 80 per cent of cases, so you're probably right about your mother and grandmother.

I'm so sad to read of everything you've been through and it's no wonder your health - mental and physical - isn't good. But you are a survivor hun. You are here. And you're among friends.

Very best to you

Kaz

[always_hope]

I'm so very thankful to the both of you for replying back to me .

It means so much to me to know that you care .

As I gain more confidence here I will share more of my story ,and I really want to help others also.

Christmas is a very hard time for me ,as my toxic in laws who chose to push my husband. Children and myself out if their lives five years ago

I feel so guilty.

That if my husband had of married someone normal he would still have a family .

My husband says he's parents are wrong to treat me the way they did ...lots if verbal abuse..

He says if they can't accept me as he's wife after twenty years ,then it's time to go separate ways .

But it breaks my heart

I carry all the blame

I feel like it's all my fault

I have a lit more to write but my fibromyalgia is playing up today ...so i will post more soon...lots of smiles and hugs to you both ​

[pipsy]

Hi always hope. Your in-laws behaviour pushing your hubby away is very typical of control. They have to call the shots as far as their son is concerned. Your hubby chose you because you were who he wanted. You and him have a 'normal' life as far as he is concerned. If he had married someone else, he might have walked away because he chose wrong. I congratulate him for being strong enough to stand with you instead of against you. My ex couldn't make the choice because he was weak. You are not to blame for them. Taking responsibility for other people's actions is something I did for years. I took responsibility for being abused, it was not my doing. Make Christmas about you, hubby and family. Your family consists of who makes you feel special and loved. My daughter and son-in-law are spending the day with me, their choice. Your hubby has chosen to build a life with you, his parents choice was to go against his choice. They lost him, they made the choice, they have to live with it. Everyone makes choices in their lives, some choices are good, some not so good. Whatever we choose in our life is our responsibility, blaming someone else for making the wrong choice means we haven't learnt to take responsibility. My ex will never be able to commit to anyone as long as his parents are alive, because, if they don't like his choice, they will sabotage. He is not strong enough to stand against them. I actually feel sorry for him and his family. The man in my life has taught me so much about me. I am important to him- yes, I am also important to me. I have friends, I also enjoy being with 'me'.

Lynda

[always_hope]

Hello my beautiful friends

I have not been on the beyond blue forums for three months ,as I have been very down in my bipolar.

The doctors keep changing my medications around .

I don't know who or what I am any more .

My kids are ...Rapid cycling out of control.

I try so hard to be a ...normal...Person ,but I'm far from that .

I'm so lost in this world ,so confused alone

I feel like I have lost the will and energy to fight anymore

Every time I have a glimmer of happiness in my life ,a major problem comes along

My fibromyalgia is at its worst ,they put me on a medication called lyrica to help control the pain ...However it interferes with my bipolar meds so I went into a deep depression.

The pain I experience every day in my joints and muscles is getting me down ..I am struggling to keep up with daily chores ...Which leads me to feeling ... Lazy...worthless..

My anxiety is at a all time high

My 15year old daughter is getting severe bullying from s girl at school who she was once friends with in primary school ..This mean bully girl has tried so many ways to ruin my daughter's life , happiness,by breaking up her friendships,trying to copy her s hook work,name calling,braking into her school locker,internet harrassment ...And my daughter is not even on any form of social media ...I've told the teachers time again ...But this girl and her group of friends all seem to get away with it by denying it constantly..

It breaks my heart for my beautiful daughter ,who truly is innocent and quite shy loving girl .

And my son age 19went to a 18th bday party last month

Hes drink was ...spiked...And my son collapsed ..Hut head on ground ..Became unconcious ..When the ambos arrived , , they started to perform c p r ...I was in total horror I thought my son was going to die ...He was having seziurs and fitting .. Due to what ever was in the drink

Im back here in the forum full time because I need friends and supporters and I want to help others

Peace and love to you all

[ToeBeans]

Hi.

I was just reading over this post and wanted to ask if you're OK since this post. I don't want to be nosey but things looked like they were getting worse for you.. & your children. Are you seeing a therapist of any kind? Sometimes just medicine alone cannot control a disease. I learnt that the hard way. Unfortunately mental illness with a physical disease (especially a painful one) is like a merry go round... The pain inflates the psychological issues that then effects the physical pain.

I hope you're OK.