New forum member

[Charlie123]

Hi

This is my first experience with online forums for mental health. I'm currently battling a severe depressive episode which has lasted 7 months, triggered by the end of my 21 year marriage. I have Bipolar Disorder, anxiety disorder and PTSD. I've been unable to return to work this year in spite of making a few attempts. I have a psychiatrist and psychologist, but I'm still stuck in my grief. I feel like I've lost my whole identity-wife, mum, teacher. My adult children are living with their father and I hardly see them, which is devastating. We had to sell the family home and the only communication I have with my ex is through divorce lawyers.

i welcome any words of wisdom from other forum members.

Charlie123

[Guest_9809]

Hi Charlie123, and a warm welcome to you here at the beyondblue forums.

It can be pretty daunting posting to an online forum for the first time cant it? But I'm glad you did, as you will find many other members here who will very happily provide advice and support to you. We have a number of members with Bipolar, many more with anxiety disorders, including PTSD. I personally live with PTSD and OCD, both of which come under the anxiety umbrella. So I am happy to interact with you should you choose to.

An end to a long term relationship is one of the most common triggers for any depressive illness, so it is not surprising that you are currently battling a major depressive episode. And you are correct in referring to the way you feel about the end of your marriage, as grief. Because you are grieving the loss of probably the most important relationship any of us ever have in our lives.

I'm sorry that you also appear to have lost touch (to some extent) with your adult children as a result of the breakup. That must be incredibly disappointing for you. Is there any way you can reconnect with your children and spend some time with them outside of your ex's home? To be able to spend time with them on neutral ground would seem to be the best option. Especially since it appears that your divorce has been somewhat acrimonious.

I'm pleased to hear that you have sought help with a psychiatrist and a psychologist. Is it possible to have some 'grief counselling' through your psychologist, or have you already been down that path? Are you currently on any AD medication? It could be worth consulting with your psyciatrist about adjusting your dosage or changing your meds to something different.

Do you have any hobbies at all, things you enjoy? I would urge you to try to do something you enjoy each day - whether that is reading a book, having a soak in the bath, taking part in a sport or hobby, attending a gym class for something like yoga or tai chi, listening to music, going for a walk. Its important to do something just for you - to distract you from all that you have lost, and to make you realise that there is still so much enjoyment left in your life.

Do you have any close personal friends, workmates, or other family nearby? Spend time with them, reclaim your own life. Never easy I know, after sharing a life with a partner for so long - shared friends and all that, they take sides. You will need to reassess.

Happy to talk further, but out of space.

Taurus

[Just Sara]

Hi and welcome Charlie;

Having the courage to reach out on BeyondBlue forum's a great leap forward. Well done!

Your situation sounds extremely painful and difficult. So I'm really happy you have support from psych's. (And medication?) Please feel free to vent pent up emotions/frustration/confusion on here ok?

I'd like to be able to give more support, but I'm having my own stuff to deal with today. I did want to greet you with some warmth and kindness though before I left the site.

Our community's full of caring and insightful fellow travellers on the Mental Health path to recovery. I'm sure if you cruise the sections/threads you'll find likable and even loveable people to chat with or share your pain; maybe even help someone else in need. (We all get something wonderful out of that on here)

There's info below in links too if you feel up to reading.

Again; welcome. Have a nice day hun ok...

Hugs...

Sara

[Charlie123]

Thanks so much for your thoughtful reply, Taurus. I look forward to chatting with you more through this forum. I also left out another significant life event-my father passed away a month ago, so I'm grieving that as well. My psychiatrist has made some medication changes but to no avail.

[Guest_9809]

Hi Charlie and thanks for responding.

Oh no ... you poor thing - I am so terribly sorry. So much in such a short period of time. Life just seems so unfair sometimes.

How long since the psych changed your medication? No doubt you know it can take a while to kick in, so it pays to be patient for a while.

You didnt say whether you had received any grief counselling, for both the loss of your Dad plus your marriage. Do you think it could be worthwhile?

I reiterate my advice from before, that you need to try and build a new life for yourself. So much has changed for you, its a major diversion in your life. You've lost your Dad, you marriage, to some extent your kids. And it sounds as though you have had to take a break from work as well. Is your Mum still around? If so, I expect she will be needing some support from you right now as well, thus depleting your energy levels even further. I hope the pair of you are able to support each other.

You mentioned teacher ... are you a teacher Charlie? Making several attempts to get back to work appears to have been unsuccessful so far, but that doesnt mean it will remain so at the next attempt. Did you work full time before? Can you maybe go back part time, starting with a day or two a week? That may help you to ease back into it at a gentler pace. Probably right now its fairly important that you have something constructive to do with your days. If returning to work is not possible, would you be interested in doing some form of volunteer work? What are your hobbies or interests? Are you okay financially whilst you are not working? Sorry about all the questions - please only answer what you are comfortable in answering.

Do you have any pets? I have a little dog, whom is a fabulous little companion. I'd be totally lost without her. I expect you may be a little lonely too right now, so a pet could be a good option for you, if you are that way inclined.

Well its now 11.30pm and past my bedtime. I will check back in with you tomorrow.

Taurus

[geoff]

hello Charlie, thanks for coming to the site and pleased that you'd replies from Taurus as well as Sarah.
I'm deeply sorry for the loss of your father, because this would only compound what you are going through.
Do you know why your children won't contact you, but perhaps if I explain my circumstances, we were married for 25 years, but my wife divorced me as she couldn't help me any longer with my depression, plus she didn't like the fact that I was self medicating with alcohol.
Once all of this happened my two sons, who were adults, didn't want to talk with me, so I had to try and contact with them, it wasn't easy because at first they never answered the phone and when they did it was a very brief conversation, but that didn't stop me, I still kept on calling them until eventually I went to where they were staying, meeting them face to face was much better than talking on the phone.
Finally the connection was made and now we speak on the phone every week (as they live 2.5 & 9 hours away) and they often want to ask for my opinion before they do something.
If they don't come to you then you go to them. Geoff.