New and trying to make sense of things that don't

[zoezoe]

Hi, I'm Zoe, and I guess I'm new here.

Well, I guess I don't really guess. I'm just having some troubles at the moment and somehow found these forums while venting some questions into google. So I'm here now.

Anywho, so I'm 17 and nearly at the end of school. I've literally got 5 weeks to go until I finish. I've finished all my QCS, I've finished pretty much all my major exams, and now all I've got is some small school tasks to tide me over until graduation. I've got my formal on Friday, and I've got everything sorted for next year. So it really doesn't make any sense now that I'm struggling so much with school.

We came back from holidays at the beginning of last week, and then on the first day I bit my lip so much my entire face swelled up (I'm not a regular lip biter, so this was quite out of character). That allowed me to avoid school on Tuesday as I had to go see my GP (the swelling freaked Mum out a little), and then I was back on Wednesday where I had several panic attacks and my anxiety levels are through the roof.

I'm not even getting into assignments here. Just being here is freaking me out to the point where I'm not sure I can make it through the day. I missed Thursday and Friday last week (Thursday due to an event, but Friday due to mostly avoidance), and today I've been hiding in the bathrooms for as long as I can because I'm really not coping and I hate people seeing me cry at school.

I've literally got to put up with this place for 5 more weeks, and it's terrifying to think that I might not finish over something this stupid. I've had my ups and downs with mental health over the years (Saw a psych for 2 years through headspace although haven't seen them since the beginning of the year, been on and off medication), but this level of anxiety in a spot where I should be having none is freaking me out.

Does anyone have any advice?

Zoe

[baet123]

Hey Zoe,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thanks for sharing your situation with us. You will find these forums as a safe, loving, caring and non-judgmental platform where you can be yourself and share as much or as little as you want. We will always be here to listen and assist you 🙂

Sorry to hear your doing it tough at the moment and have been struggling for a while. I can absolutely relate to much of what your experiencing and have experienced. Is it possible that your extremely anxious about leaving school and what the future holds? I know from my own experiences at school, to an extent, I was quite uncertain about what awaited me post-high school and this can and can be a daunting idea/thought to process.

Do you mind telling us why you stopped seeing the psychiatrist and stopped medication? Would you consider consulting your GP about your current emotions and situations? Often with anxiety and depression, we can feel great for so long then out of no where we start to feel "like we used to" and we need to be careful of this. Early intervention is crucial so if you feel that is impacting your well-being and quality of life, please see your GP again!

It may also be a good idea to see your school counsellor or principal and explain your situation to them. I am absolutely sure that they will understand given where you are at in your life and it is super important that they know what your going through so they can make the necessary adjustments so the setbacks your experiencing don't escalate and get worse.

Consider seeing your GP, your year adviser at school or your principal. They would all love to hear from you and providing them an insight as to how your feeling will provide you with some comfort and reassurance.

Please keep us posted and enjoy these last few weeks of school as much as possible!

All the best,

Nick.

[smallwolf]

Zoe,

Hi and welcome to beyond blue.

You are so close to the end. And I wonder if that might be causing you anxiety?

You said that you had been seeing a psych through headspace. Do you have any distraction or coping tools, or exercises you can do to help reduce your anxiety? For example, meditations, apps on your phone for relaxation? My psych told me that even when we (think we) are better we should put into practice these things to keep our mind healthy. Does that make sense?

Do you know what your triggers are? Or, are they the same as when you were talking a psych? And if you can identify them, and then recognise when they occur, could you try some grounding exercises? Even something as "simple" as taking 3 deep breaths? And if that does not work for you, then maybe something like a fidget spinner? Something to stop your from wandering and thinking the worst and bring you back to the present moment.

Remember, you are not alone. And you will find other users on the forum here who understand what you are going through and will support you at this time.

I hope that you will come back and share some more of your story. You will get through this period. Just have take it a day at a time? Can you do that for me?

Talk to you soon,

Tim

[zoezoe]

Hey Nick!

Thank you for responding <3.

As for leaving school, it's not really a huge stress for me. I've been quite eager to get out of my school for a long time (It's a very academic school and has quite a toxic culture in relation to schoolwork and competitiveness), and considering the course that I want to do only needs an OP9, and I'm estimated to get at least an OP6, it's really not a stress on my radar. I submitted my application forms and all towards the end of September, and that includes backup courses as well if everything goes south and I don't get the OP I need. I've always been passionate about starting my career, so if anything it's a light at the end of the tunnel, really.

I went to see my GP about a month ago when my hand tremors returned, and I'm back on my meds now. As for seeing the psychologist, I finished my mental health plan through the GP in 2017, and as I was doing a lot better I didn't really see the need to continue seeing her. The headspace at which I was attending at the time did also have quite a long waiting list to see the psychologists that they had, so I didn't really feel it was right of me to keep seeing her when there were others that might be more in need of the help. They never said anything about that to me, or asked me to stop, but considering that I had to be on the waiting list myself for almost 6 months, I drew my own conclusions.

I plan to try and see my school Councillor soon, but the support services at my school aren't very big and I'm pretty sure that she only comes in 2 days a week. I also don't know how to make an appointment to see her, so I'll have to ask at school tomorrow if I can manage to make it. I'm really hoping they have some sort of workaround that might help, because I can't focus in class, and considering I had pretty much 4 panic attacks today, being on campus is terrifying and I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to hold out for the next 5 weeks.

It's hard when your biggest anxiety trigger is a place that you're legally required to attend for 7 hours a day. I need to go to school in order to finish year 12 and get out of this nightmare, but it's near impossible when it's as hard as this. Everyone around me that I've tried to talk to is telling me to just swallow it and hold on for the next 5 weeks, but I really don't know how and nobody is taking me seriously when I don't have any 'real' stress on my plate.

Thank you for taking the time to respond to me, it means a lot 🙂

-Zoe

[zoezoe]

Hi Tim,

I've been using the 'breathe' app on my apple watch to help with some breathing exercises. It works well when I need to calm down, but I think remembering to use it daily might be one of my biggest problems.

I guess my problem at the moment is that being on the school campus is a new, and very big, trigger for my anxiety. I'll get heart palpitations and chest pain from the moment I walk in in the morning, and it's also very bad in particular lessons. I haven't made it through a single maths class so far this term, which is quite an issue as it's my lowest subject and the one that I really need to spend time on. Normally, once a lesson gets started and I get into my work, it eases off, but considering that my school has 8 lessons a day and every change brings another round of physical symptoms, it's really, really hard. Break times are especially hard, and today I even forewent eating anything because I couldn't make myself walk through the crowds to get to my bag. It's never been that bad before.

Some grounding exercises are a great help though! I don't have a fidget spinner, but I do have a little squishy seal thing that my little cousin left at my house a while back, so I'll take that in my pocket tomorrow and see how I go.

Thank you so much for responding,

Zoe

[MsPurple]

HI Zoe and welcome to the forums.

I know school can be tough. I had issues with my anxiety reaching toxic levels when I was in my final year of uni. I know how terrible it can be. I also went to headspace and found it helpful. The person I saw suggested trying meditation. Now I wasn't sold on deep breathing, so I thought meditation wouldn't work for me. He told me to do it everyday for a week before saying it doesn't work. I found it really helpful for myself. I only did it 10mins once a day. I found I used the techniques from meditation for when my anxiety levels were high in regular life. I used the free part of the smartphone app 'calm'. I have heard others have used the app 'headspace' and 'smiling minds' and thought it was awesome.

Now I know you need to finish school before you start uni. BUt I thought I should mention disability services at uni. They help students out with a range of disabilities including mental illness. I found it helpful in my last year of uni. They allowed me to go to appointments during placement. THey can help with so extensions etc. Now the course coordinators don't know why you are with disability services, you could have diabetes for all the know. Just something to keep in mind.

[smallwolf]

Zoe,

Hi again. You said that you have problems remembering to use it daily. While I say don't worry about that, it is because I have a same problem as you. And yet, I can generally write a journal entry each day. Perhaps setting a reminder each day?

I also understand what you say about the school or a class acting as a trigger. My work does that for me. For me, and perhaps you, thinking of the worst before it happens? My psychologist refers to it as future telling. There are strategies to overcome that. And I am still learning.

If I can just respond to a couple of comments you made to Nick... I did not get the score I wanted to get into the course at Uni, so I did a TAFE course instead. And found an alternative I liked more? And I came out with a Masters degree. Once you are in you are pretty safe. But not the end of the world otherwise.

You can always get a new mental health plan if needed. And good luck with the school counsellor otherwise.

And lastly, well two things... one is the befriend the feeling you have, to make space for them. For example, if I have a knot on my stomach, in your mind, go down and explore it, imagine your stomach getting bigger or the knot getting smaller, say hello to the knot. And either the feeling of the knot can disappear, or just less painful. A similar concept is talked about in a book called "the happiness trap". It was recommended to me by my psych. Think you can read a few chapters of it online via google books.

Hope you have a better day today,

Tim

[baet123]

Hi Zoe,

It is super encouraging to hear that you are driven and focused and that you have an idea about the industry you would like to work in. I remember when I was 17, I wish I was as sure as you are about your career aspirations.

Like Tim mentioned above, it may even be worth getting a new MHCP and starting to see a psychologist again. I have no doubt that things will get better and I wish you all the best with the rest of your schooling. Please keep us posted on how your progressing along.

All the best,

Nick.