New and anxious about privacy

[TheLonelyGuy]

Hey guys, just created my account. I’ve been reading these forums for months now, and I’ve always wanted to start “venting”about my depression and social anxiety but my psychologist is discouraging me from doing so because she reckons I’m going to keep my negative thoughts “in front of my face” if I read and post on these forums. The other thing is I’m really scared about privacy. What if I get identified by either the authorities or anyone? It would ruin my reputation. I’m even scared of signing off with my first name at the end of my post ;/

[mmMekitty]

Thank you for your explanation. I think a lot of people have this sort of difficulty, to a greater or lessor extent.

For myself, it takes me a long time to feel comfortable with people. When I first meet someone, I don't know what to say, how to act, feeling afraid I'll say something wrong, silly & feeling unable to 'read' people, as usual, wanting to shrink down, or back off until I have observed more before taking any risk. If I'm with someone, & (often), they seem much more confident, I tend to allow them to speak, just so I don't have to fret over what to say.

It's okay if the meeting is casual, like asking for an egg & lettuce sandwich at the local bakery. Times like when I have something specific to say or ask for, of shop staff, bank staff, etc.

It's the meeting someone who I can expect to meet again, who may become regular people I have to interact with, when it gets difficult.

I had discovered it was easier when I was meeting people for a specific purpose. We would know what we were there for. A little small talk was expected, & I'm not sure what it is for except to give me a base line of how their voices sound. & sort of 'feeling each other out'. I think I'd rather get on with the business, & not feel even the slightest personal connection.

I joined a writers' group, knowing we would meet to write & talk about what was written & about aspects of writing. I was unable to read my own writing, (even when I could see enough); I felt too awkward, not good at doing it, & unable to raise my voice loud enough. I gradually became more confident commenting on other's work, then critiquing too. & it seemed, gradually, I did become more comfortable just talking, having a coffee after, talking of other things, meeting up sometimes, rather like having friends. Some people I had come to feel much fondness for.

One member of that group had felt more uncomfortable than I had when he first joined. & it took him a long time, too, to begin to interact more casually.

It does take effort & practise. Beginning small & working up to more socially complex situations later. This is something a therapist can help people to feel less anxious about.

mmMekitty

[TheLonelyGuy]

Great post mmMekitty. I totally relate to what you said about getting anxious in social gatherings because like you said, apart from eating/drinking etc, you’re not there to do something really specific. Unfortunately for me, I even feel anxious when going to order something in a venue. This is why my anxiety really builds up when I enter a venue because I’m scared I’m gonna do/say something stupid, especially if it’s somewhere I’ve never been to before. What really makes my heart race is when I enter a food venue and I’m straight away confused about the menu, or even just when I think to myself “how does this place work, where exactly is the queue, hopefully I’m not accidentally in front of someone who was waiting before me”.
For example - SubWay. Oh man, I remember the first few times I went to subway. I almost had panic attacks.
Now I know exactly how subway works, you say the bread size, the type of meat you want, then you just go along with the extra addons - easy.

My social anxiety has slightly reduced in the last few weeks thanks to my SSRIs, my therapist, and Ecouch. I’m doing a bit of exposure therapy.

[Guest_1643]

Hi the lonely guy

Happy to read Ur giving exposure therapy ago, working through safety behaviours etc

Sounds helpful

[mmMekitty]

Hello The_Lonelyguy,

Yeah, I agree that sounds like a good way to work through your anxiety. & you won't be thrown in the dep end. It starts where you are at.

There may be some mental strategies as well. For example, you could walk near a place you would like to, look in, check it out first, watch what other people do, & then go in. Or perhaps ask if they have a menu you could take with you. Many places have websites, which also have menus to see online. & photos, too.

When I was working on this. it was before I had a computer. I had some places I liked, but owners might change, things like that. I felt uncomfortable thinking how messily I would eat, feeling clumsy & as if I had no clue how to eat in public. My eyesight was getting bad. That was the real problem. So, I was messy, I couldn't see what was on my plate clearly, & made mistakes trying to cut it & to get a bite size portion on my fork.

One day, I got really annoyed. I wanted to eat what I'd bought, & decided, then & there, that since I bought it I would eat it as I liked. No matter how people thought & maybe looked at me. I could no longer see much of their facial expressions, anyway. So there!

I still would prefer to order food which is not covered in gravy, or has bones, but it is now much easier to eat in public. 😺 I don't need to prove anything to people around me, when I just want to have lunch. Now I can even ask to have my food cut up for me, no worries, no embarrassment

So, challenging some of your thinking can help, too.

mmMekitty

[TheLonelyGuy]

I really resonate with your third paragraph! I feel so stupid when I’m eating something. It feels like I need a uni degree on how to eat a burger, or tacos, or anything with that requires a lot of cutting around bones and stuff. I’ve eaten a subway on a bench in public a few times and every time I felt like my sandwich started falling apart my heart would just sink.

Oh also, whenever I’m in a restaurant I’m not familiar with, going to the toilet TERRORISES ME. If I get up from my chair, I instantly get so anxious because I don’t know where the toilet is. Sometimes I start walking in the wrong direction and I realise I’m heading nowhere near the bathroom, so I just want to press a button and become invisible.