Need to start the healing somewhere (first time poster - long time reader)
I'm not sure where to start or if I'm even eligble for help. I have been suffering since 2008 with varying degrees of the full gamit of mental health issues. I suppose tonight I am writing just to hear someone say it's going to be ok. I am in my late 30's, have 2 lovely young kids who I love more than life itself, and a very understanding/resilient wife. In 2008 at the age of 22 I was diagnosed with kidney disease which while technically not terminal (at least in the not short term), threw me for a 6 and was the beginning of my journey with depression which led to my relationship with the rest of the menatal health Issues. At the time I was diagnosed, i was transistioning from the best job i've ever had in the Victorian High Country , to one that was fairly soul destroying in the central QLD coalfields. One of the issues or coping mechanisims i have is thinking that life was so much better before my diagnosis and thus have a possible unhealthy desire to return to where i was before i was before i was diagnosed in the hope that all my pain and suffering will dissapear. I know it will not and will possibly destroy my positive cononatations of the High Country in return. This sort of sets the stage of my current thinking, just wanting to go home to make it all better, but in my rational brain i know it pobably wont work. After this I worked for a company who were conastanty changing plans as to where i would be working and living and other variouos things (i dont do change), and i developed an anxiety of telephones and people in general form this experience. At the same time i was a victim of a violent crime and although not formally dioagnosed, im sure i suffer/ed from some level of PTSD. I still have trouble walking in to some public places. Added to this, as a young child i think i may have been a victem of sexual assult over many years from a kid who was a few years older than me (not old enough to fit the sexual abuse criteria), and although i knew happened, i've kept it buried from myself and everone else until a friend of mine revealed he went though a similar thing. I got rejected from a very positive work (new career option) oppurtunity recently due to my kidney disease, and to be honest i feel horrendus, and have been on a downward spiral since... there are other t(job related - working underground) issues at too, but i feel very DONE with everything, and cannot get time off to see a Psycologist, I just need help
You are definitely eligible for help/ support. Writing here is a good start. Sounds like you have been through a lot physically and mentally since 2008. It is great that you have a supportive wife. I would suggest you make a double apt with your GP (or any GP) and tell them all this going on for you and that you would like a referral to a psychologist. On a mental health care plan you are eligible for 10 or sometimes more Medicare sessions. This means they are free of charge or a smaller cost than it would be without the plan. You would be eligible inc given the ptsd from the gun incident. Definitely seek support around that. And all you mention. Some psychologists offer telehealth if you are finding time too difficult. But i read you can't deal with telephones. I was also going to suggest calling a helpline to talk through things whilst you wait for all the admin of GP and psych apts. If you can manage the telephone some of interest would be Beyond Blue, Lifeline, 1800 RESPECT to get advice and support around sexual assult; they have counsellors you can chat with and can give you names of counsellors near you that you could try see. I am sure there are other ideas and things to help that others will offer. I hope this is a start to help you. You are worth getting help and feel free to keep sharing on here- ppl are always about to chat. Take care 🙂
My dream job once was animal ranger close to home. I'd done the job elsewhere previously. But a back injury sealed my fate. Then 2012 I broke my leg and bloods clots risked my life. My father and 2 aunties had passed away that way. In terms of PTSD same here, I was 21yo (now 66yo) when I began working in a jail. I live with those memories every day.
To an extent time is a great healer to enable us to at least continue to live life. Unfortunately there comes a time we need more, someone capable to allow us to unravel our past, the bits that are stubborn.
Acceptance is a hard word but that too allows us to live life. With damage to both lower legs I could no longer run. However I could walk and even built our own kit home last year including countless ladder climbs with swollen calves but I made it, because I was grateful of what I have, not what ability I have lost.
Those last 2 lines says a lot. This is a mental attitude that sometimes needs acknowledging- that we could be deficient in our positivity, to allow our problems to accumulate and over shadow our accomplishments.
It's great you have a resilient wife. Your own insecurities however are needed to be advanced because as individuals we have to sometimes stand up without our partner standing for us.
It's also handy to view the worse case scenario. Possible dialysis and other life changing possibilities I'm sure you've thought of. That's the trouble with responsible types like us, we know the possibles.
So what can help? I often recommend some radical ideas and the reason is simple- as a survivor of trying to take my own life, as did my sister and a brother and uncle that succeeded, I'm all for doing anything to improve my mental health over staying in a comfort zone of work and isolation.
So, change of employment, living location, attending motivation speeches, etc, all on the table.
You can google the following and just read the first post of each.
Beyondblue topic if all else fails - be radical
Beyondblue topic 30 minutes can change your life
And the one I think will help you the most
Beyondblue topic the best praise you'll ever get
Repost anytime. I'm here usually daily