Need advise and to just talk...

[Blacksheep88]

Hi,

I feel like my life is one big mess.

I have 2 kids and a partner. But I don't feel happy. My life revolves around being a mum, working, taking the kids to appointments (the oldest has autism and the youngest is in programs to see if he has it too) and trying to keep myself together long enough not to have another depressive/anxiety breakdown. About 4 months ago I stopped taking my anti depressives and anxiety tablets. My relationship is not the best, we don't communicate, all we do is argue when we do talk to each other, we have no intimacy (it's been almost a whole year). I love my partner but he drinks to much and I don't like it. He's promised for years he'd slow down but hasn't. Every time I've tried to leave him he's threatened to kill himself and I'd find him dead the next day so don't bring the kids back with me to get my stuff or has called/messaged me that he has taken a lot of pills. He also says that I just want to take him for his money ( even though he has none) and I'd keep his son from him (my oldest son isn't his).

All of this is having a negative impact on me mentally. Everyone I know tells me to stick it out for the kids but with all the arguing I think its worse for them. After having our son in 2017 I got postnatal depression and never sort help and it got worse. Over the years I've learnt to handle it but it does get the better of me sometimes.

I don't know what I'm looking for by posting here, but I just need something/anything.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Blacksheep88,

Welcome to our forums and thank you for sharing your situation with us. It's not easy to do that and we're so glad that you did. Your situation with your partner sounds really hard. You are raising two young children which is challenging enough on its own so we can really hear how stuck and helpless you are feeling.

Given what you've shared about your partner's reaction to you wanting to leave the relationship, we strongly encourage you to call 1800 Respect. They are available by phone (1800 737 732) or they have a really good webchat (https://chat.1800respect.org.au/#/welcome). Both are available any time of night or day. The counsellors are experienced in dealing with relationship problems including all forms of abuse, and will work with you on a safety plan.

If you ever feel unsafe, this is an emergency and you should call 000. We are all here to support you, so please do keep on sharing with us here.

Please remember that you can call Beyond Blue at any time you need to talk things through on 1300 22 4636, or for webchat or email options go to https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support

We really hope you can find support, understanding and advice from our wonderful community members.

[Mrs_PTSD]

Hi, I've never posted on here before and I probably don't have any worthwhile advice for you but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

Your situation sounds like you feel helpless to do anything to fix it. That's not true.

You're carrying a huge emotional load and your relationship sounds toxic. You're busy helping everyone but yourself at the moment.

Maybe next time you want to collapse in front of the tv at the end of the day, ask yourself what you could do right then to help yourself. A long bath? Meditate for 5 minutes? Do some yoga stretches? Every time you help yourself even just a little bit you'll strengthen that part of the brain and hopefully feel stronger and empowered as you should!!

What you're going through is incredibly hard. Have you though about maybe going back onto the anti depressants? Were they helping? Have you tried some CBT via a mental health plan with your GP?

I don't know if the above was helpful but know you're not alone.

[Petal22]

Hi Blacksheep88,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

I understand being a mum can be very exhausting, have you thought about trying to give yourself some self care?

Maybe even just going for a walk with out the kids so you can have some time to yourself?

Do feel as things have gotten harder after stopping your medication?

Im sorry you got post natal depression I understand that can be a difficult condition, it’s not too late for you, you can still seek help for it.

Have you thought about seeing your gp and discussing the way you are feeling? I think it could help you…

I understand that there are post natal clinics available a clinical psychologist and psychiatrist sometimes run out of these practices and understand these conditions.

Im also sorry to hear of your husbands drinking, has he ever tried to seek help for it?

You aren’t alone

[Bradybunch]

Hello,

I feel for you and what you are going through. I left my drinking, mentally abusive husband with my 4 children after a very long time of trying to stay together for the kids.
At some point you will find the will and strength you need to decide what is best FOR YOU! Children adapt especially when mum and dad are happier separately. Think of what you want them to look for in their relationships and futures.

Don’t you deserve to be happy? I think when you decide this your lost pieces will slowly come together and you will find yourself again as I did. We lose us being mother’s. Maybe it’s time to make some time for you! Be a little selfish mummy you will feel better for it! Xx

[geoff]

Hello Blacksheep, I'm sorry for the situation you're in but there are times kids are better in 2 happy homes rather than 1 unhappy home and if your husband has a drinking problem and if communication is difficult as you don't agree and argue, then you can't be responsible for the threats he makes just to keep you there with him, you need to look after yourself.

If you are still suffering from PND then perhaps you need to go back to your doctor, although I can't tell you what to do, it's just a suggestion.

Your life is what you and your kids want, it's not about being manipulated into having to do what he wants.

The commitments you are presently doing is a fulltime job but you're unable to fulfil them because you're locked in with your husband who spends his time drinking alcohol, remember you don't need to tell him that you're leaving and we can talk about this if you have time to reply.

Best wishes.

Geoff.