Members new and old, introduce yourselves here

Chris_B · ‎01-07-2014

Hi everyone,

This is (what will hopefully become) a mega-thread for members, new and old, to introduce themselves. I'll kick off:

My name is Chris Banks and I’m the online communities manager at beyondblue. Basically, I’m here to help out, contribute to discussions, and answer any questions you may have about beyondblue. I work with a team of moderators behind-the-scenes who keep the forums running 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

I’m 37, originally from New Zealand, and have worked as a filmmaker, journalist, and musician. I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in the mental health sector too. I have lived experience of bipolar disorder, depression and anxiety, and have been living in Melbourne for nearly two years. In my spare time I enjoy movies, music, hanging out with mates, and I barrack for Hawthorn, much to the disgust of some of our regular members!

I’m not a psychologist or counsellor (although I have seen a fair few of them), so I can’t give medical advice. Like everyone else here, I can provide peer support only.
I really enjoy being part of the community and virtually meeting the many different people of all ages who come through everyday, even if they're not feeling the best when they arrive on the doorstep. Hopefully in your time here you'll feel less alone, and pick up some tips and encouragement for the journey.

(passes on the talking stick)

PLEASE NOTE: This thread is for introductions only, if you have an issue you would like to discuss ongoing with the community, please start a new thread with your topic in the appropriate section.

GuvsDodge · ‎11-07-2014

Hi, I’m 47, male, separated and have two sons, 18 & 16.

I don’t see myself as depressed, just sad, though at 47 I view my life as on the downhill slide. I'm a "glass half empty" person..

Until Jan 13th this year I was alcohol dependant. I have not had a drink since then.

My “sadness” is related to my failed marriage; partially due to my drinking; my anger management issues; my relationship with my eldest Aspergers diagnosed son; letting my kids down.

My “sadness” is due to missed opportunity choosing to spend my boys’ formative years getting drunk in the shed with my mates.

My “sadness” is due to my unfulfilling work in a career path that I regret taking.

I live in rural Vic. and have no other work opportunity that pays me what I am paid. I need this income to meet my debts as a result of separation and child support. I have no assets of my own not even furnishings & I live in a furnished flat courtesy of my best mate and several years to go before I can even begin to get my head above water.

I don’t see my boys very often & I don’t know how to interact with them. Our contact is mostly limited to brief phone calls. They are my only family in Australia as I migrated here in ’88. I can’t bring myself to move away from them, to a new city or state and being totally alone, even if it meant I could find meaningful work and satisfaction.

I have low self-esteem and low self-confidence in my own abilities, despite what others tell me.

I left my recent gf of 15 month for fear of committing myself. I wasn’t truly happy in that relationship and tried to end it several times before but perhaps no one is 100% happy in a relationship and I should accept it for what is is. Our dreams for the future were the same but I didn’t want this to cloud my judgment so I said that I could not see a future together, but she says that I will see things more clearly once my head is in order and she will not let go and unknowingly adding to my anxiety and confusion.

I don’t even feel that my story is “worthy” of being posted here in comparison with some of the ordeals others have endured but it helps to write it down.

My head feels like it is a balloon being filled with water - constant internal pressure and constant negative self-talk, constant doubt and confusion. I’m just treading water and not very well and one day it will be too late and my life will have been one of remorse and regret.

Thanks for the opportunity to introduce myself.

BraveBelinda · ‎11-07-2014

Greetings,

You know, what struck me as I was reading through the threads was how articulate everyone is. It goes to show that mental illness and intelligence are some what related. Sad, but true.

I had a great childhood, and no accounts of any bad stuff happening. I am grateful. And to this day still am. I have amazing parents and siblings.

My problems started when I was about 16. I was diagnosed with MRKH syndrome (google it if bored), but basically a condition where I've been born without a uterus. At the time, I swept it under the carpet, as I didn't want to deal with it...but about a year later, cracks started appearing. I thought it was due to a big work load at school. I worked hard. I did 'well'.

At just 18 and completing year 12, I had NO idea what I wanted to do. I will not go into my whole life story here, but from that moment on, it was 'try this-get bored-get anxious-get depressed-don't like anything-try-something-else-anxiety-depression-failure thoughts-get-healthy-try-something-else-bugger-I've-failed-again-****-I'm-a fruit-loop'...and that's been the pattern my whole life. Anxiety, depression...and thinking I might possibly have bipolar.

At 28 I also came out as gay, so another spanner in the works. Another thing to deal with. Geez. Yes, between 18 and 30, I was as stable as a giraffe on a tight rope. On and off medication.

At 30, I met my now ex partner...and last year, it ended. Badly. At first, I turned myself into super woman...but the adrenaline has worn off and I'm left feeling mentally exhausted, very anxious and have no career goals or direction (story of my life). Going to see a psychiatrist at the end of the month to get a possibly 'formal' diagnosis...but I think it's an anxiety / depression related case.

At the moment, I'm 35, living semi alone, earning just enough money to pay my rent, have a slight alcohol dependence, and just have NO idea where to go in this world. One thing that's kept me semi stable is my exercise. I run. A little out of shape now. But I run. It doesn't fix everything...but it's my thing.

I would love to get myself established in a job that I can cope with and is going to give me enough money to live and save a bit, but my past history of job hopping has rendered me so anxious...that I have no idea what to do.

I'm creative, hard working, have a good work ethic...but I really can't handle getting into trouble.

That's me, right now.

Belinda

Daffodil · ‎11-07-2014

Hi, don't ever feel that your post is "not worth posting". Everyone has their own different personal issues/problems they are dealing with no matter how small they seem to you, they are still there so don't undermine yourself. It is just a matter of hanging in there & taking one day at a time & to hang on to the fact that things will improve with time, even though it seems to take forever !!!! I have suffered Depression most of my life & it's a constant battle for me. It's all about surrounding yourself with the right, positive people & to seek the professional help too. Hope this helps you, take care. Cheers Carolyn

--Danny-- · ‎11-07-2014

Hey Guvsdodge, everything Carolyn said is exactly right..that advice is something you should really absorb in & read it when your feeling down..it definately made a big impact on me, If you take Carolyns advice you will be on your way to beating this sadness :-)...just hang in there in there mate, ..maybe organise a weekend away with your sons? Camping, fishing, just chillin out with them..best of luck buddy.

Danny

GuvsDodge · ‎12-07-2014

Hi Carolyn, thanks for your reply. "Not worth posting" is my way of saying that my problems are nowhere near as bad as those that others are facing and "undermining" is what I do - constantly. Always negative, no belief in my own abilities, no confidence to take the next step that might lead to a ladder to climb out of the hole I see myself in. I hope you're right and that things will improve in time.

My friends are old school. I can't talk to them about depression. They are the "snap out of it" type. Despite this they are still great mates and we have shared alot of good and bad together.

I saw my GP yesterday and he is setting up a mental health plan so that I can see a psychologist. I've seen this psychologist before and she was great, so here's hoping that this is a turning point for me.

Thanks for your support. Take care of you too.

Cheers Guv.

GuvsDodge · ‎12-07-2014

Gday Danny. Thanks to you too for your help. I'd like to organise a w/e with my boys but I don't see it as a success. Several weeks back I suggested that we make Sunday night catchup night. The first was good. The second I sent the eldest home due to his attitude, it did not help any.I hope to make tomorrow third time lucky!! I struggle to have a conversation with them. The two of them are very different in interests. It might be better to plan two w/e's one for each but I'm worried the outcome might make things worse rather than better.

Now that I've introduced myself, I should take my issues from original post to the other forums?

Cheers mate, Guv.

Daffodil · ‎12-07-2014

Thanks for your kind words Danny. I am also volunteering to become a Speaker for Beyond Blue, which I am really excited about !!! Hoping I can help some other people cope with their depression & pass on some of my ideas & strategies that have helped me in the past. I think it will be a really rewarding experience. Cheers Carolyn

--Danny-- · ‎12-07-2014

Hi Carolyn, yes your post was everything that is required to overcome the mental battles we all have. It was a very positive & caring post..I really liked it...wow! Becoming part of BB as a speaker sounds fantastic! Helping people, caring for people, this would bring massive positives to you..seeing someone kick on & succeed after depression/anxiety would be a good thing to be part of 🙂 I say go for it !!

Take care,

Danny

Nathan_431 · ‎13-07-2014

Hello everyone,

My name is Nathan, 34, long been single, just discovered that this forum existed by a post on the beyond blue FB page. I guess I had depression from my late 20's, life not going to plan, thoughts of suicide, feeling lost and hopeless. The biggest step was to talk to my GP after a couple of years keeping everything inside, definitely the best move I made. I'm grateful that I have a great team to help me get well regular visits to my GP, psychologist, recovery worker and employment agency. A lot of trial and error with medication. Getting involved in groups like the Heart Foundation Walking group helped me a lot to be around people. Trying to keep some hope to get back on track, it's hard.

Take care.

Kali · ‎13-07-2014

Hi, I registered just now under the pseudonym Kali. She is the goddess of destruction and known for her temper. 😄 My given name is Philippa though, and I decided to join here on a whim tonight, as it's a cold winter evening, and I've been feeling terribly fragile and tender recently.

I've battled Melancholia for as long as I can remember...I think I was born a little pensive. You could see it in my baby photos. It manifested for me in my late teens though, after a series of traumatic incidences, and it got worse as I got older. I don't know how I survived as long as I have...without meds as well for the first 15 years. I was that stubborn.

I did take them for a time, but managed to wean off for the second time a few years ago and haven't looked back. I also have a diagnosis for CPTSD due to a number of traumatic events in the last 20 years, which accumulated to mean basically I've been struggling for over 20 years to work out what the hell happened to me?

I'm also estranged from my family, as they were not much help to me and actually made things much worse. I have since found a solid support network of friends online, and have one or two real friends off line, whom I don't see that often, due to them studying and having kids...but, I have my lovely cat, and he gives me all the cuddles and emotional support a gal could ask for.

I'm an artist, self taught and that is all I ever really wanted to be and so that was the path I chose...much to my parents dismay. That's enough for now...just looking for some support I guess, through this fragile time and hopefully meet some kind people.