Members new and old, introduce yourselves here

[Chris_B]

Hi everyone,

This is (what will hopefully become) a mega-thread for members, new and old, to introduce themselves.  I'll kick off:

My name is Chris Banks and I’m the online communities manager at beyondblue. Basically, I’m here to help out, contribute to discussions, and answer any questions you may have about beyondblue. I work with a team of moderators behind-the-scenes who keep the forums running 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

I’m 37, originally from New Zealand, and have worked as a filmmaker, journalist, and musician.  I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in the mental health sector too. I have lived experience of bipolar disorder, depression and anxiety, and have been living in Melbourne for nearly two years. In my spare time I enjoy movies, music, hanging out with mates, and I barrack for Hawthorn, much to the disgust of some of our regular members!

I’m not a psychologist or counsellor (although I have seen a fair few of them), so I can’t give medical advice. Like everyone else here, I can provide peer support only.
I really enjoy being part of the community and virtually meeting the many different people of all ages who come through everyday, even if they're not feeling the best when they arrive on the doorstep. Hopefully in your time here you'll feel less alone, and pick up some tips and encouragement for the journey.  

(passes on the talking stick)

PLEASE NOTE: This thread is for introductions only, if you have an issue you would like to discuss ongoing with the community, please start a new thread with your topic in the appropriate section.

[Ghengis]

Hey team. I'm male, 44 years of age with a beautiful wife, three fantastic kids a great job and everything going for me. The problem is in the last 6 weeks I have been irritable, doubting myself, ignoring people, having to walk away from discussions for fear of bursting into tears etc etc. The last week has been the worst with all of these symptoms seemingly doubling to the point where I am looking over my shoulder every minute for something that isnt there. I have spoken to my boss/mate and he has been great. The company I work for has basically made me book an appointment to see someone and is fully supportive of me and have told me to take the time I need but get better. While this is all good it doesn't alleviate the fact I am scared out of my wits. I havent even told my wife yet and am not looking forward to it. I've always been the shoulder to lean on, not the other way around. I honestly don't know what Im looking for here but anything is better than nothing. 

[White_Rose]

Dear Ghengis

Hello and thank you for telling us about yourself. A warm welcome to Beyond Blue.

I'm not sure if this will please you, but your story is quite common. I hope it makes you feel less strange or different. You sound as though the Black Dog, AKA depression, has bitten you. And it's not nice. It's really good that your company is so supportive because is what you need. It would be good to talk to your wife because if you are depressed it will not go overnight. Now that's enough to make anyone depressed.

First up I would like to point you to some resources I think you will find very helpful. Beyond Blue has a great deal of information available to you. At the top of the page are a number of blue tabs. Click on The Facts and Resources. These are drop down lists of different types of information, including information for family and friends. These fact sheets and booklets can be downloaded or you can request BB to send you copies.

On the home page under the picture of the brain is an icon labelled Davo's Man Therapy. If you click on this it will take you various links including a quick quiz. Explore the site, I think you will find it interesting.

So much for information. But I do believe the more you know the better choices you can make.

I see your company has arranged for you to see someone. Is this a psychologist? If so that's a great start. You could also visit your GP and have a chat. GPs are a fount of knowledge and understanding, and are more easily accessible than a psych so I suggest you make this your next port of call.

One of the difficulties men have with depression is the thought that they are not allowed to be unwell. The family relies too much on them. I have no idea of your family arrangements, but I am sure your wife is quite capable of taking over for a while. This is not a sign of weakness in you, merely an acknowledgement that you are unwell and need to reduce some of the pressure. Depression is an illness, not a sign you are going crazy.

One more suggestion for you. You have posted on the introductory thread, which is where most people start. If you would like to continue talking to other members of BB I suggest you start a thread on another forum such as Depression, or Anxiety etc. This way all your posts and the replies will be kept together and will be easier to access. Talking on this thread means all the posts and answers get mixed up in other introductions. Also read posts from other people. Some of the guys will be along soon.

Mary

[Ghengis]

Thanks Mary. I have been doing quite a bit of study on this site and it is refreshing to know I'm not alone, scared but not alone. I have just finished pouring my heart out to my lovely lady and surprise surprise she still loves me whatever and will be my rock for a change. My company has helped me organise support through a professional so this is good. I am booked into my gp tomorrow in the meantime. All is happening but as I've said still scary. Thanks once again. 

[Chilly]

Hi everyone, I'm 46 years old & have wasted most of my life not getting the help I needed. Then when I finally did, was wrongly diagnosed with Bipolar. I'm still not exactly sure what is actually my problem, although I'm fairly positive I suffer from depression & anxiety. For the last year I have struggled a great deal as my husband decided he'd had enough of my mood swings, didn't want to get relationship counselling & left. We have 4 children. My ex started living with another woman in January & Let the kids know that they were in a relationship in March/April. I don't seem to be able to do anything right. I feel like the Ex has won & that the kids would be better off with him & his new woman, which is breaking my heart. I am typing this through tears as at approx 2:45 am it will officially be a year that my Ex husband, broke my heart 😞

[White_Rose]

Dear Ghengis

So pleased things are moving along. Great stuff!

Even more impressed that you have confided in your wife and what a fantastic reply. Congratulations! I expected this would be the response. If you love someone you do not throw up your hands in horror and run away because your partner is unwell.

Being scared is also normal. I imagine you would be at least a bit apprehensive if you were told you needed surgery for something. It's fear of the unknown and how we are going to manage this.

Think about starting your own thread and also consider joining other conversations. I find it helps me as well as others to share my experiences and tips for getting well.

Mary

[Ghengis]

Hey Chilli, mine is a different story but like you I have only just hit found this web site and gained the courage to post. I suppose that is a step in the right direction for us so the only support I can offer is to keep posting and to keep finding others to communicate with. I have my first appointments with doctors etc today so I'm just starting this journey and am scared out of my wits. Take care and keep reading the stuff on this site. Ghengis.

[Kcblue]

Hi there,

I'm a 30yr old wife and mother of 3 amazing children. I have suffered with mental health issues since I was 13 however I was always told there was nothing wrong with me.

After my breakdown in 2009 it was pretty obvious I needed help. I have moved too many times to escape demons and have gone to so many different doctors that no one knows what to do with me.

I got a full time job which helped for a while but workplace bullying is something I'm not used to and i suffered due to lack of confidence to stand up for myself.

My children are now starting to see their mum fall apart at the seams and they don't know why, I don't know why. Their Mum and dad are arguing all the time and that is not something I ever wanted them to see. I wanted to give them a better childhood than I had. I don't want them to be affected by me and my issues, I couldn't forgive myself I love them so much. 

Sometimes I want to introduce my husband to a woman who would treat him the way he deserves to be, have a happy family life where they actually enjoy each others company and go out and do things as a family, things we don't do because of me. I love them so much I just want them to be happy. I would live alone just so they can have a happy loving family life, its what they deserve.

Thank you for your time

Kc

[unicorncass]

Hi, I'm new here, I hope this shows up but I've uhm been really bad lately and I need help. I don't like asking for help it, makes me feel weak but I am weak now and I, just need help.

[Miami]

Hi JP, 

I'm Mum of an 8 y.o daughter who has been separated for some time now. I know that it's not always easy. Be kind to yourself. Being a Mum is an exhaustive job. 

[Family_Guy]

Hi everyone

My name is Andrew. I'm 40 years old and live in regional Queensland. I'm married and have 2 wonderful daughters 7 and 10.

I guess I've always had some sort of depression since I was a kid. I was the fat kid at school and was routinely bullied because of it. My parents were no help as my family refuses to talk about anything personal. Their best solution would've probably been to pray it away. So I've lived with this condition ever since and felt I needed to battle along alone.

About 12 years ago I got a job in a remote indigenous community and moved there with my wife. The job was extremely demanding, I had a terrible boss and this, mixed with the challenges of living in such an area forced me to get help before I hurt myself or someone else. That was the first time I was diagnosed. I resigned from the job and my wife and I moved ourselves back (at enormous expense to us) to where we had our home rented out. I got a similar job and was laid off 6 months later; just before my wife was about to go on UNPAID maternity leave. Shortly after I got a government job and everything was going swimingly. I had a great job, a baby on the way and things were looking up. Shortly after the baby was born, my wife and I started having relationship issues. 

We have had relationship issues on and off ever since and this always seems to send me on a downward spiral where the thought of living without her and the children is too much to bear and I begin to have thoughts of self harm again. I'm here now because we are having another rough patch and I was in that dark place once again last week.

I went to my doctor today and was prescribed an antidepressant. I hope this forum will help me in some way, as I'm determined to get on top of this for the sake of my family.

Thanks for reading and I wish you all the best.

A

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.