Members new and old, introduce yourselves here

Chris_B · ‎01-07-2014

Hi everyone,

This is (what will hopefully become) a mega-thread for members, new and old, to introduce themselves. I'll kick off:

My name is Chris Banks and I’m the online communities manager at beyondblue. Basically, I’m here to help out, contribute to discussions, and answer any questions you may have about beyondblue. I work with a team of moderators behind-the-scenes who keep the forums running 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

I’m 37, originally from New Zealand, and have worked as a filmmaker, journalist, and musician. I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in the mental health sector too. I have lived experience of bipolar disorder, depression and anxiety, and have been living in Melbourne for nearly two years. In my spare time I enjoy movies, music, hanging out with mates, and I barrack for Hawthorn, much to the disgust of some of our regular members!

I’m not a psychologist or counsellor (although I have seen a fair few of them), so I can’t give medical advice. Like everyone else here, I can provide peer support only.
I really enjoy being part of the community and virtually meeting the many different people of all ages who come through everyday, even if they're not feeling the best when they arrive on the doorstep. Hopefully in your time here you'll feel less alone, and pick up some tips and encouragement for the journey.

(passes on the talking stick)

PLEASE NOTE: This thread is for introductions only, if you have an issue you would like to discuss ongoing with the community, please start a new thread with your topic in the appropriate section.

Sawyer · ‎27-06-2015

Hi Jazzykazzy,

I understand where you are coming from. I know all to well that feeling of rushing thoughts, where your mind jumps between irrational thought patterns faster than you can address them. When this happens, you should try occupying yourself with something, I mentioned above how much motor skills tasks helped me when I was struggling. Something that is difficult, requires concentration, and that you enjoy. For me that was, playing the piano, painting, meditation. Find something that works for you in regards to your problematic thought patterns.

The problem with anti depressants is that they generally don't cure the problem. They are a very effective safety net. For example if we were riding a bike with a helmet on, if we fall off, the helmet will protect us, but that does not necessarily mean that if we weren't to wear our helmet that we wouldn't fall off and get hurt. I went off my anti depressants a few times when I thought that I was going better and then went back on them again when it started getting bad. They are a great safety net and they can provide you with windows of clarity with which you can start addressing the root cause of the problem. Why are you upset? what is this weight that you are carrying? why are you anxious?. These are all things you can talk about with me, a trusted friend or a professional psychologist.

A good mental exercise you can do when you start feeling anxious, the thoughts start to speed up and you feel like you are losing control, is one that worked for me. Try to find a quiet place and imagine an object in your head that you are familiar with and that isn't a trigger for you. For me this was often a soccer ball, but theoretically you could use anything. Try to focus on that object, start with the overall shape, draw it in your mind, and then slowly add detail to it. Whenever you feel problematic thoughts creeping back in, refocus on the object, relax and breathe. Then you can begin spinning the object in your mind. Try to make it spin faster and slower. See if you can stop it. This is a very difficult thing to do because of the way our brains are wired, and will require practice. You may find that you have difficulty focussing, but that is the whole point! the exercise is about putting you back in the drivers seat of your mind. Let me know if this works for you.

Hope you are well,

Sawyer

Mal32 · ‎27-06-2015

Hi all my first time here...I dont know what im doing, I am in a second marriage and love my wife more then life itself...after 12 years she is not sure we have a future..she suffers depression and is on meds for it...this hard time in my life has caused severe anxiety for me, im on some medication atm but doesnt seem to work..i dont understand why she would think this or do our friends, she says im a beautiful man, great husband and father, im so confused...
I think about having to start again as i turn 50 next month and that worries me so much..i want this to work...i cant go thru the pain of another seperation..everyone says im doing the right thing and not to blame myself, i cant help it..on top of it all i still have to work to pay for mortage bills etc...put a smile on my face but dying inside...
Now what makes it worst is my wife tried to harm herself yesterday and that has sent me off, im here with kids and no one to talk too...im shaking and sick, I just dont understand its not fair im a good person...i cant see the light....

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

pipsy · ‎27-06-2015

Dear Mal32. I'm hoping your wife is okay after attempting suicide. So sorry to hear that. Have you tried getting her to a counsellor. Perhaps she is frustrated but feels she can't tell you why. I don't think she meant to hurt you, perhaps she just wanted 'time out' from whatever she's going through. When a person attempts suicide it doesn't always mean they want to die, sometimes, as I said, they just want 'time out'. While she is recovering, she will have to see someone to discuss why she did it. If she is willing to discuss it with a counsellor, ask her if you could sit in with her. If she says 'no', unfortunately, you'll have to accept it. Once she talks to a counsellor, discuss with him/her possibly next step treatment. Maybe she is menopausal, this can cause untold problems with women. Do you have family you could stay with? You need someone to help you through this dark time. I can see you are a good, caring person, until you find out why she did it, I know it's hard, but, please, let her know you love her and are always there for her. You are both on on meds for depression, although obviously it's more than just depression alone in her case. If it is menopause, she will get through it, try and see she is not alone. Are there any menopausal symptoms that you're aware of. Hot and cold sweats, mood swings (obvious). Don't ask her, she won't tell you because of the embarrassment. Just quietly observe her. It sounds as though she feels unloved, I know this is not the case, but again, menopause can really play horrible tricks on females. It's the worst time for us. Does she have headaches, I mean migraine types?

Hopefully you'll see a counsellor who can give you some guidelines.

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Sawyer · ‎27-06-2015

Hi Mal

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but welcome to the forums. I was reading another persons story similar to yours just the other day. It was posted in the "Supporting family and friends thread". If you go there you should find the one I mean. And you may find solace in the fact that you are not alone in this or appreciate being able to talk about your situation with someone who can empathise. The thread is labelled "My partner has depression, wont get help and blames me". Much of the advice I and others have offered to Jason, will be the same for you.

Try talking to her openly about how she is feeling? why she is feeling this way? and if she says she does not want to continue with your marriage, ask her when she first started feeling that way.

What is it you refer to when you say "I don't understand why she would think this or do our friends, she says i'm a beautiful man... etc"? what is it that she's doing that conflicts with this.

In terms of your anxiety, I have posted a few strategies for dealing with they way you are feeling in the "Treatments" thread and again in the post just above the one you have posted. Let me know if these work for you. I understand it can be hard to focus when you have so many problems to deal with, but if you are anxious and in a bad place yourself you should focus on dealing with that, so that you can then apply yourself to other things in your life. I understand that these external factors are the cause of your anxiety, but if you are worked up and anxious, it will be hard to think of ways to combat the other things you are going through.

I hope your wife is doing okay after what you said happened recently, and I hope this message finds you. I know you don't deserve this, and you didn't ask for it, but life is rarely fair or just. It is not your fault. If you feel you are at immediate risk please contact Lifeline or other support services.

Just remember, the night is always darkest before the dawn. You might not be able to see the light. But it is there, as long as you are moving in the right direction.

Sawyer

Pixie15 · ‎27-06-2015

Hi Mal32,

Welcome to the bb forums. I see by your post that you are getting some support from the moderators. If you want to start your own thread maybe either in the Supporting Family and Friends, Depression or Anxiety depending on what you want to talk about. There are many who participate here who would want to offer their support.

cheers,

Pixie.

Mal32 · ‎27-06-2015

Thanks Pixie15
Im new to all this not sure what im doing...my wife is staying at a close friends place i feel very comfortable she is there...she will help her....she was in hospital to early hours but they wouldnt put her in, basically said she should but turned her away..very poor.. im just struggling myself, trying best with kids but anxieties there all the time..its tough...want to cry, want to sleep, im all over the place...hope doctor can help me more monday?

JodieB · ‎27-06-2015

Dear Sawyer, thank you so much for your reply and helpful suggestions. I do feel so much better just to share. Funnily enough I've been thinking about learning to play the piano again. Forums like this are such a blessing. Cheers and thanks again, Jodie. Xx

Kaza · ‎27-06-2015

Hello all,

well I hardly know where to begin , I guess like all we find ourselves here reaching out for some kind of help,

I am 48 years old and have just come out of a 15 year Marriage to a Psychopath so as one could imagine I am an emotional wreck!

The smart part of me knows this is the best thing for me in the long run, but for now I find myself alone, empty and questioning where do I go from here?

I am on a huge Roller Coaster of emotions, one minute im up the next im down and crying like a baby at times feel as if to not be here just so I would not have to feel...:(

I keep holding onto the memories of any good times and cant imagine my life without ever seeing my husband or him being part of it, although I know this is the harsh reality.

I have a great support network of family and friends who really help to keep me lifted at times but I really need the help and support of people whom can relate to where I am and what I am going through.

Just feeling so lost and depressed and to top it off major anxiety hitting me, just want it all to go away.:(:(

I would be ever so grateful for advice,:)

Thanks

K

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

D_Maree · ‎28-06-2015

Hi, new to this. Reason for reaching out is had a bad anxiety attack which in turn lead to severe depression recently. Still feeling the effects. Felt like this one was the worst it's ever been . Family and my husband try their best but it's difficult for them to understand and I have quite a lot of very selfish friends who don't want to know about my drama. So here I am! Hoping to meet people that have dealt with the same thing so I can stop feeling so alone.

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Pottsie · ‎28-06-2015

Hi. I'm new. I have been suffering from depression most of my life (am now 47) but did not acknowledge it till about 6 years ago. My partner at the time told me I should see someone. My depression then got worse and I was drinking every night. I was having trouble with my partner and it was an ever devolving cycle. Eventually we split and I met a most wonderful woman. We are now married and for along time I have been happier. Recently though I can feel the same dark feelings clouding over me and am worried it will start affecting this relationship as it has my previous ones. I have always been a loner and have issues that go way back to my childhood and being neglected and left on my own as a child and adolescent.