Members new and old, introduce yourselves here

[Chris_B]

Hi everyone,

This is (what will hopefully become) a mega-thread for members, new and old, to introduce themselves.  I'll kick off:

My name is Chris Banks and I’m the online communities manager at beyondblue. Basically, I’m here to help out, contribute to discussions, and answer any questions you may have about beyondblue. I work with a team of moderators behind-the-scenes who keep the forums running 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

I’m 37, originally from New Zealand, and have worked as a filmmaker, journalist, and musician.  I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in the mental health sector too. I have lived experience of bipolar disorder, depression and anxiety, and have been living in Melbourne for nearly two years. In my spare time I enjoy movies, music, hanging out with mates, and I barrack for Hawthorn, much to the disgust of some of our regular members!

I’m not a psychologist or counsellor (although I have seen a fair few of them), so I can’t give medical advice. Like everyone else here, I can provide peer support only.
I really enjoy being part of the community and virtually meeting the many different people of all ages who come through everyday, even if they're not feeling the best when they arrive on the doorstep. Hopefully in your time here you'll feel less alone, and pick up some tips and encouragement for the journey.  

(passes on the talking stick)

PLEASE NOTE: This thread is for introductions only, if you have an issue you would like to discuss ongoing with the community, please start a new thread with your topic in the appropriate section.

[Leia]

Hi everyone,

Here's my run down of who I am, what I'm doing and what I want.

I'm twenty, living at home and studying health sciences (paramedic stream). In the last year I have had several self-realisations, which led me to seeking help and receiving the diagnosis of generalized anxiety, depression and (more recently) bulimia nervosa. Diagnosis was a long-winded, exhausting process. Moving out of home, I reached my most confused, lowest-functioning point. I questioned my sanity and 'what's wrong with me' for a long time. I was an intelligent person, doing all the right things; eating well, regularly exercising, socializing and keeping my mind active. But I couldn't shake this feeling of dissatisfaction, as though I was walking on a thin ice no one else could see. It's been 12 months and I currently visit a psychologist fortnightly and take SSRI's as prescribed by my GP.

I feel like I've come a long way in understanding myself. Previously, I was unable to work and struggling to perform simple activities. What I want for me now is to keep working at myself. I don't want to self-loathe, I want to make peace and be friends with me. I want to increase my functioning and continue to perform activities that enrich my life. I want to meet others in the same boat and forms connections that remind me I'm not alone when despair strikes. I want to find a way to 'take the wheel' of my mental health and take this opportunity to become more emotionally intelligent and support anyone through any struggle.

I am a strong believer in mental health. preaching is not within my nature, but I believe enhancing societies understanding of mental health would do wonders. I love life - and I think I could help a lot of people once I learn to help myself - but sometimes the line between what I love and what is easy can become blurry. I want to be a part of these forums; if I can help someone even for a moment, then it would be a reminder that I am who I am for a reason.

Mental illness is such an important, yet potentially debilitating thing. You can run a marathon in your mind before anyone notices a single step. I'm not over anything, and recovery is a tiny speck on the horizon on a good day, but now, I steer the wheel to where I go next, and although I can't see or feel an 'end' in the night's darkness, I have to remind myself it's there.

Kind regards,

Leia.

[Technogurl]

Hi

I'm new here, I too have struggled with depression and anxiety and have only just found this forum so looking into it as part of my healing journey and it's great to see so there are others on the same journey.

[marjay]

This feels a bit scary but here goes. I will introduce myself as Marjay, a woman in her early 60's who has lived with depression/anxiety forever (who knows at what point it began!). I have no hesitation in telling people that this is a part of my life and that I am medicated for the condition, nor am I reluctant to outline the consequences of it for me and others. So why am I so nervous about exposing myself to all on BB - so much so that I am having great difficulty typing ( then again, I also have brand new finger nails which I really love - but they do get in the way!).

I tried to rid the world of my angry, irrational  and so often cruel self 3 times ... close but no prize. After the third failure I decided to accept that it just wasn't meant to be and instead I would have to look at ways to make life more bearable. I HAD tried before but I wanted a very quick fix, and it wasn't until I accepted that there was no such thing that I could seriously do some work on myself.

I read a lot of books relating to the problem, and some of them gave me skills (why did I not realise that "to change your world, you only have to change the way you think". How simple is that? Not at all, of course. And it never ends; I have to examine  and challenge my thoughts nearly every day and it is so very tiring. If I get lazy about it - which happens often, because I am inclined towards laziness in all ways - the downward slide can occur so insidiously that I am asking that lethal question "What's the point?" before I can recognise the depth and the darkness of the pit. And so I yet again have to climb up and out so that I can once more not just see the sunrise/sunset but feel it.

I have seen many psyches and counsellors in the past, but got so irritated (oh really?) with their need to categorise and label ... okay, understanding of the inherent condition is needed or the incorrect meds can be prescribed, but I never felt these professionals saw me as a person, just another statistic for their preferred mental illness. So I could be bi-polar, or have aspberger's or a personality disorder or my personal favourite (arrived at by myself) arrested development. I am meant to be all grown-up but inside I feel like a 6 year-old child who has to behave and perform as an adult in a world I don't understand (and which keeps changing, dammit!)

I am living with a wonderful person who is my friend in the truest sense and that helps. It is time to reach out to others though so here I am.

[Pixie15]

Hi marjay,

Welcome to the bb forums. I have been contributing here for just over 2 years. I was very tentative about writing my first post too. You do not need to share more than your comfortable with. However it sounds like you have a wealth of experience and by contributing here you can be helping others as well as yourself.

thanks,

Pixie.

[Bryan11]

Hi all

I new and don't know what to say here really. Im 48yrs old divorced and have two teenage kids.get on ok with ex wife but my son really hates me at the moment. I sit up all night watching tv. I don't phone friends or anyone. had some counselling but got to expensive and not working at the moment. Trying to study at TAFE soon.cant quite work out what the point of life is underlay need to for my kids.

[marjay]

Hi Pixie

Thank you for your welcome to the forums and BB - it was nerve-settling to be accepted so warmly. I have been hopping from post to post, reading others stories and thoughts, and it feels soooooooo good to know that I am not alone. A funny thing to say, because I've known for a long time that I was not the lone-ranger with mental health problems. I was afraid that joining in would make me dwell too much on the sadness of it all, but I think now that it will instead help me connect with others in a positive way.

Blessings on BB and all who sail within its comfort! And may everyone find a moment to treasure for today ... Marjay.

[Chris_B]

Hi Bryan, welcome to the forums. Sounds like you could do with having some people to talk to at the moment. Please feel free to start a new thread in the Depression or Mens forum about what's going on for you and our other members will come back to you.

[SpongCake]

Hi, I haven't been around for so long I forgot I had membership here! I have been reasonably well for nearly 2 years in a lifetime of recurrent depression. Over the past two years I've been coping with a difficult person who was new in my life and Ive just reached the end of 12 months where they refused to speak to me. During that time I have coped well enough not to cry when reminded of them, Ive taken my medication regularly and tried to practise mindfulness exercises, I've socialised as much as I could, kept physically fit, eaten well, but have not been able to settle to any creative or learning activities. This past 3 weeks Ive been sad, feeling isolative, gone to bed for whole days and sometimes forgotten to eat a meal. I've tried to organise with friends to meet for coffee or lunch but no one has been willing or available so I can't get any social distraction happening. No one has contacted me either and I really need other humans to talk to, although I dont feel lonely. I would just go back to bed and do something mindless like a crossword all day but I know that is bad for me and I want to feel better. Looking to just chat with people who know what chronic depression is like and those who are optimistic about feeling OK again.

[SpongCake]

Hi Jastamika! You must be feeling quite alone there. Did you know that social anxiety can be quite easy to overcome? I used to suffer from social anxiety and panic attacks when I had to mix with people I did not know or to talk in front of people. Once I decided that the feelings I had could not kill me and that looking nervous or silly in front of others did not really hurt my life in the long term, I started practising what scared me. After approaching groups of strangers and starting conversations a few times I became quite good at it although I felt awful at first and my heart beat at 100 kms an hour! After daring myself to try this every day it really did become easier and finally I found I did not have much anxiety at all. These days my friends and relatives wonder how I find it so easy to ask strangers for directions or to strike up conversations at parties. You can do it in time too! Have a try. Maybe do it with a friend at first, then on your own. All the best.

[Jessicat]

Hi bicciesmurf,

I understand your feelings about wishing your depression is back. I'm 23 and my anxiety ruined my 3 year relationship. I couldn't control the panic attacks and the constant need to talk or say what was on my mind during times of anxiety, which caused a great deal of arguing which I feel began the end of my relationship.

My anxiety has always controlled my life and I struggle to get close to other people too because I worry the second I get anxious, I will push them away. I'm also more prone to self harm during a panic attack. Depression seems to be a lot easier to cope with... feeling low with no powerful emotions controlling me, no desire to talk or do anything,  it's a far safer head space to be in for me. Unfortunately lately my anxiety has been ruling my head and I'm struggling with finding ways to cope with my thoughts and learn when it is ok to simply let go and not let these thoughts spiral out of control to an overwhelming pace.
 

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.