Members new and old, introduce yourselves here

[Chris_B]

Hi everyone,

This is (what will hopefully become) a mega-thread for members, new and old, to introduce themselves.  I'll kick off:

My name is Chris Banks and I’m the online communities manager at beyondblue. Basically, I’m here to help out, contribute to discussions, and answer any questions you may have about beyondblue. I work with a team of moderators behind-the-scenes who keep the forums running 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

I’m 37, originally from New Zealand, and have worked as a filmmaker, journalist, and musician.  I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in the mental health sector too. I have lived experience of bipolar disorder, depression and anxiety, and have been living in Melbourne for nearly two years. In my spare time I enjoy movies, music, hanging out with mates, and I barrack for Hawthorn, much to the disgust of some of our regular members!

I’m not a psychologist or counsellor (although I have seen a fair few of them), so I can’t give medical advice. Like everyone else here, I can provide peer support only.
I really enjoy being part of the community and virtually meeting the many different people of all ages who come through everyday, even if they're not feeling the best when they arrive on the doorstep. Hopefully in your time here you'll feel less alone, and pick up some tips and encouragement for the journey.  

(passes on the talking stick)

PLEASE NOTE: This thread is for introductions only, if you have an issue you would like to discuss ongoing with the community, please start a new thread with your topic in the appropriate section.

[Scarlet88]

I have just joined this forum as it was suggested to me by my psychologist as a way of accepting and dealing with my anxiety and depression. I have been reading a lot of other posts and am finding it hard to write my feelings in an understandable way.I accept that this is my life, but I am struggling to accept that I have the right to be this way. There are so many people that have had such hard, unimaginable events in their lives that have contributed to their mental health. I have had, and still have, a blessed life. My Mum died when I was young, and yes this is a factor in my anxiety and depression, but it is incomparable to the situations so many of you have faced. I'm hoping that at the least writing in the forums will give me a way to put my thoughts and feelings in to words and learn ways of coping.

[jusrob10]

Hi guys,

I'm Justin, a 23 year old Aussie who is currently living in New Zealand. After struggling through high school and university with undiagnosed depression and anxiety problems, I finally snapped when in an accident at football I was left with spinal injuries.

After over a year of not really successful doctor visits, medication and a hospital stay, I moved to New Zealand with my girlfriend to escape the disappointment and disenchantment I was feeling in my life. I did not feel the support I was getting was helping or sufficient, especially from family.

As a result, I'm in a foreign country with very little, and I am having difficulties coping without a support base. I have constant feelings of loneliness and longing for something, but can't quite put my finger on it.

It is becoming both mentally and physically draining to try and keep it at bay, so I'm hoping that these forums may be able to offer some advice or help in which I can use to help get me back on track.

Cheers guys,
Justin

[OliveM]

Cameron, it worked, I can see your two posts.  How are you feeling today? I guess you didn't join a team as a recovery process but have you made time for a professional to seek help?

I am new to this board, I believe that letting off steam behind a keyboard helps in the moment.

I hope some of your moments since your first post have been OK for you.  FIFO is heavy work man.

Lets know if you have found a balance.

OM

[mortsy68]

Hello

I have recently been diagnosed with PSTD .I probably suffered in silence for well  over 40 years not realizing what my anxiety was until recently.Growing up in an abusive,alcoholic parent and a co-dependent mother .Feeling alone and isolated I finally reached out for help.It is very scary seeing changes daily ,emotionally finding this very overwhelming but refusing to take medication.Most of my life have struggled and lived in survival mode.Im just wondering if things feelings will ease    

[Snow_White]

Introductions are something I've always found difficult...Having lived my life in an extremely compartmentalised manner, many versions of me evolved; mother, sister, daughter, colleague, friend, lover, team mate...I could have best been described as a high functioning chameleon, programmed from an extremely early age to know that we didn't talk about our problems, that even those closest to me couldn't be relied upon to provide support, advice, or even a listening ear...our unspoken family mantra? Act like everything's ok, & so long as others believe it, everything IS ok!

I moved out of home at 15, gave birth to my now 17 year old son a month before my 18th, then spent my gap year enjoying motherhood & vowing to live by a new mantra: Failing your son is not an option! I completed a 4yr uni degree. secured permanent employment upon graduating, & from the outside, life probably looked great...

Within months, my 9yr relationship ended as I battled intimacy issues, then the abuse I suffered at the hands of my schizophrenic brother & the prevalence of mental illness in my family was used against me in a terrible custody battle...citing 'cultural reasons', the court refused to consider week-about care & gave primary custody to his father...

I'm 34 years old, & despite always feeling 'not quite right', up until recently I continued to live a functional existence, battling against the odds to ensure I was the best mum I could be & that I wasn't failing my son...but somewhere along the way I stumbled & fell, spilling every broken piece of my existence for all to see...my depression, my anxiety, 34yrs of unprocessed 'stuff' that can no longer be ignored!

I will find my way again, I must, for when I look at my beautiful son I see me, & I cannot ignore the heartbreaking reality that he too has a broken spirit that needs healing...

I can't help but feel I'm to blame for the darkness that plagues my boy, genetics don't lie...I hate the guilt I feel, but I won't give up...

Failing my son is not an option!

[Big_Blue]

Hi everyone,

My name is Ryan, I'm 38yrs old and married with two children near Melbourne, Vic.

I was diagnosed with Depression over 10yrs ago now and have been on antidepressants ever since. Apart from one or two (failed) attempts at ceasing medication (under my Doc's supervision), I am lead to believe I will be on them for the rest of my life. I have tried most other treatments, counselling, alternate therapies, lifestyle changes etc. I have been told my particular depression is a chemical imbalance in my brain and not caused by a trauma or incident in my life. I consider myself the same as most other Fathers, loving wife, two beautiful children (daughter of 3yrs & son of 3mths), full time job that is quite demanding, mortgage, etc etc.

The biggest issue I face is the constant desire to sleep!! No matter how much sleep I get it is never enough. Getting up of a morning is extremely difficult, and is affecting my ability to be a father and husband.

I have tried a myriad of different medications, but antidepressants seems to be the 'better of all evils', but does seem to make me 'sleep happy'. My diagnosis of 'chemical imbalance' is in constant conflict with my logical mind, as I tend to think that I can find some kind of fix or cure, but every time I speak to a professional they just resort to saying, "you may just to have to concede that you will be on meds for the rest of your life!". What the..???!!

I can't remember the last time I woke up and felt 'refreshed and happy to get out of bed'? I've even had sleep tests (overnight in hospital sleep clinic) to see if I have a sleep problem, however I checked out ok, so it's not that. 

I find it really difficult to find any medical professionals out there that give me a sense of confidence (no disrespect to them all as I know how difficult it is), so I feel somewhat 'stranded' as to what to do next.

Apologies for the long intro, however I just want to be the best father and husband I can be. I should have done this long ago, as I also believe I can also be of some help to others due to my long experience with depression etc.

I look forward to being involved here with all of you, and while I am looking for help for myself, I also hope I can provide some help to others at the same time.

[Debrajo]

Hi Im Debrajo and its great to be a member.

My anxiety is a vicious, wild, cruel demonic beast that tears apart my mind from the inside out, it is insidious, tearing away at my sanity. It has hurt family, relationships and friendships, it has taken away my ability to function successfully in a world full of "normal people" and has tested my strength and my soul to the absolute limits of sanity. It has plagued me with phobias, paranoia and panic attacks and has left me unable to function in social environments, work places and team oriented tasks, dipping me into a deep dark abyss of depression that I think I will never rise from again. Anxiety is a liar, a cheat and a thief, it steals your ability to connect with others and to feel emotions as others do, it makes you believe the worst is going to happen to you even though logic tells you this isn't so , it makes you conceive of things that are going to happen but never do and takes the smallest things and turns them into a huge catastrophe of such gigantic proportions that the fear and terror you feel becomes incomprehensible to those around you.To try and explain this to those around you that you love is totally impossible, its not that they don't have empathy or compassion, they lack the understanding it takes to comprehend such a thing happening to someone they love. Unless you have this problem it is difficult to understand what goes on in the sufferers mind. It may be the smallest of problems or a simple remark that can awaken the beast and set it off on its cruel meanderings in my psyche and sits there brooding in its dark place. Sometimes I have the strength to hold it off for hours, days, weeks and even months but inevitably it will gradually eat away at my psyche and tear at my soul until it has left me without the strength  needed to fight either mentally, physically or emotionally. At this point I become it or it becomes me I have never been truly sure which is which, it vomits fortha  torrent of anger and frustration, everything that has backed up in my mind is let loose and taken out on those around me who are closest, Im not sure still who gets hurt more, me or those closest to me who must go through this with me periodically. 

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.
 

[2015HTD]

Hi, I’ve got many reasons to be depressed and anxious, I’ve been diagnosed with both from time to time, but never been medicated. I have a lifelong problem of low self-esteem. I’ve been a stay at home mum for 18 years, trying to finish a uni course and re-enter the workforce.  I’m an older mum, so my 2 teenage kids and I all have hormone problems to deal with at the same time. Everything I try seems to go wrong. Not a good environment for the kids, but I have no money to leave my husband and no where to go anyway. No family support, few friends. I feel trapped. Seeing a psychologist, so there are so many problems to deal with, it’s hard to make progress.

[Loz21]

Hi All,

I am a 28 year old female suffering from anxiety and depression; I also recently found out from my psychologist that I might be Bipolar Type 2 (an official diagnosis is yet to be given).

I have turned to the beyound blue forums in the hopes that I can get some advise and help in relation to my boyfriend.

My biggest fear has always been that he doesn't believe I actually do suffer from anxiety and depression.

Today my fear was confirmed. We were in the middle of an argument and I mentioned my anxiety and depression; his response was "you need to stop using that as an excuse".

He is aware that I am on prescribed anti-depressants and that I have been seeing a psychologist for the past 4 months. He is also aware that my psychologist has mentioned that she would like me to see a psychiatrist.

He has witnessed me freeze up and become really quiet and withdrawn during social gatherings. He has witnessed me become very anxious when faced with stressful situations. He also witnessed my rapid weight gain over the past year (the worst symptom of all). 

How can I get him to understand that this is an actual illness, an illness that I will need to manage for the rest of my life?

How can I get him to stop thinking that I am seeking attention, and get him to understand that I need his help in coping with this?

I just want him to be my support.  I want him to take the time to read and learn about anxiety, depression, and bipolar type 2.

I have tried to show him websites and videos that could give him information, but he just doesn't seem to be interested. 

I really need him to come to terms with the fact that I have a mental illness.  

[Lars]

Hi, I empathise with you and understand what you are going through. I always tried to hide what I was going through from my wife as I didn't want to worry her or my kids. However, she knew anyway - she can read me like a book - and didn't understand why I wouldn't share my feelings with her. These days, I let her know and the support and love I get from her is just indescribable and makes a huge difference to my life. Our loved ones want to help - let her know how you are feeling.

 All the best.