Marriage with withdrawing husband

[Sam23]

It’s nearly 4am l have my heart pounding and can’t stop this feeling of dread .My husband has be full of sarcasm and nit picking .All day on a long drive finally got to the destination and l thought it would stop no . It got to much and l couldn’t park our very large car in a different spot in an underground car park something that doesn’t normally faze me.I feel like no matter what l do it’s not right .He got out in an angry way parked the car. Took a photo and said he was going to post it on FB mocking me Ask if l should go get supplies (food) get told get beer , Called him to ask should, l make dinner or are we going to go out ,his reply is whatever has the least arguments I don’t care .yep l got the wrong beer and dinner supplies.

I think he is angry with me because l wouldn’t agree to sell our family home &mortgage the farm to get greater in debt to buy the neighbouring property ,because the last time we did that he decided that the family could use the land .He bring up this argument, that l stop him from buying farms he can’t do anything ,yet the bank say we would have to sell everything just to get a lone . We have 2 children to support all l could think about, was my son is about to go to uni and not being able to because we bought another farm for what ,so he spend even more time at work 4:45am until late lunch and then back again until dark mostly 7 days a week.He says that if we didn’t live in town he would see more of us (it’s a 5 minute drive) reality is he would still be on the land and not in the home .

l know that l am painting a grim pictures he can be happy and bouncing talking to others but for me it’s put down in the vale of humour.l am looking for advice to turn this pattern around we have been married for over 2 decades but the last few years has been a pattern l would rather have never seen.

and buy another farm

[geoff]

Hello Sam, and a warm welcome to the site.

I'm deeply sorry for the circumstances you are in, where any agreements between you and your husband are short-coming and differences between what each of you wants to do can not be agreed upon and makes your situation as an outsider easier to comment on, but this depends on how you feel for him, whether or not you love him or whether you're staying together for the kid's sake.

He maybe a happy person every now and then, but it's those dark times that are sincerely difficult to cope with and causing this problem.

I can't tell you what to do, but if this situation happened with me, all I'd want to be is on my own, sell the property and split it up or whether he wants to buy your share out.

I haven't been much help but hope you can get back to us.

My best.

Geoff.

[Brisso]

Hey Sam,

A lot going on there.

If your hubby is working so hard he may believe he is doing the right thing. Sounds like he is looking too far into the future to make a good future for you and he is a bit misguided.

You sound like a strong person and I think you have the courage to ask him for a quiet chat and tell him how you feel and ask him if he is alright. He probably thinks he is doing the right thing and getting frustrated you can't see his vison (he probably isnt giving you a clear picture of it all). If he is willing to accept some change in his behaviour then that 20 year relationship is worth fighting for.