Loneliness and Rejection

[trybehappy]

Gosh where do I start. Growing up I was always told I was stupid and in the way. This manifested into being desperate for people to like me. A classic people please was what I became. After years of therapy I’m still struggling. I fear rejection and seem super sensitive to other people and never want to bother anyone. I’m struggling at the moment as my partner and I are traveling and the only contact I have is the odd person you meet while moving around, this isn’t meaningful connection. My friends at home all seem to have moved on and got on with their lives and I feel forgotten- I try to reach out but they are all so busy I don’t want to bother them. Really not sure I can continue as I feel my mental health is starting to struggle. My partner is loving it and doesn’t want to go home. Sounds like the dream lifestyle eh but it’s damn lonely and isolating for me unfortunately. 

[Doolhof]

Hello trybehappy,

Thanks for sharing your story and concerns with us all. Feeling lonely can be horrible, I often feel that way myself. Being part of this BB forum community helps me, I know we are all anonymous, but we wouldn't reach out to others if we didn't care.

Would you like to share some of your everyday life with us, what you are seeing and experiencing. I know building friendships/relationships here does not replace face to face connections, nor the feelings of being with people from your past.

I have just been on a holiday with my husband. I have never heard him talk so much! I get very little out of him at home. He was like a social butterfly while we were away! Now at home I struggle to get an answer when I ask if he wants a cup of tea or not.

When I am in town I try to have a chat or even just an "Hello" with people I see so I feel some kind of connection.

Regarding your mental health, would you consider calling the Beyond Blue Support service or Lifeline for a chat with someone. I use these services and find them very beneficial.

At present I have Covid and feel quite ill so my socialising is even more limited. I went for a 5 minute walk this morning and appreciated the countryside around me. 

Hope you have some moments to thankful for today, regards from Doolhof.

[trybehappy]

Thank you for replying, yes I’ve been thinking about the online support but haven’t got there yet. Sometimes I feel like my problems aren’t important enough to bother them. Do hope you are going okay with your COVID and recover okay. 😊

[geoff]

Hello trybehappy, I'm sorry you are feeling this way, but know that therapy doesn't necessarily suit everyone, although that's what we suggest, however, as your friends now have different lives, it can make you feel left out or lonely, so instantly you establish this feeling of being rejected and reluctantly try to make new friends.

Whether you stay where you are or come home, you may still be caught up feeling the same,but if your partner wants to stay then slowly he may build up a network of friends, so rather than start by yourself, make friends with these people and then develop your own small friendships, but take it slow.

Sometimes moving away can help people re-establish a new network, but you will need to make contact with a doctor.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Doolhof]

Hi trybehappy,

I'd like to encourage you to use either the online support services or phone supports. Of course it is your choice if you do so or not.

The services are there for everyone. All people are worthy of having their issues acknowledged and validated, no matter if you yourself feel your problems are not as important as some one else's. If an issue is a problem for you, then sharing it with someone else can be beneficial.

There have been times when I have called the Beyond Blue support line in absolute tears, I have been a blubbering mess, that is okay too, I make sure I have tissues handy! The people assisting will listen and try to assist you as best they can. Please note also, there can be a short waiting time between phoning or using the online service,  and connecting with people. Don't let that put you off. 

I'm off for a short walk later and will see how far I manage to get today with my covid symptoms, it may only be around the garden a couple of times, or 5 minutes down the road.

Wishing you well, it is lovely "chatting" with you here. All the best from Dools

[Johnny_]

Hi trybehappy,

after reading your story, the first thing I wanted to say was, “me too”. I am not in a relationship though..would like to be.

I have used various support services over time and yes, they certainly have help me a lot and I encourage anyone to give them a try. I also did something different.

I realized that I didn’t enjoy my own company very much so decided to fall in love with me again. Weird, yep. But it made sense. 

I started journaling as to reflect on what I was doing and began trying things. Anything really. Just wanted to work out would I liked. What I enjoyed. Rediscover me again. I started small and slowly built it up. You could start with food, like a mixed chocolate box and write what they each tasted like etc. Or trying drawing, coloring in etc to hikes in the bush. If you like it, learn about it and keep doing it…if not, laugh at it and move on. 

I have only been doing this a short time but I’ve noticed a change already.

your doing great! ….and even if you hit a speed bump, your still going forward.