Just saying Hi, introduction time :-)

[Possumsugar]

Hi all whom come across this, my name is Possum I'm a 27-year-old queer disabled artist from WA

I am new to this so please be gentle and patient.

I have experienced Mental health issues my whole life, i grew up in a domestic violence home my father was a drug addict whom was very heavy handed to my mother and i saw it all, he died when i was 6 of an overdose, after that my mum whom has her own issues didn't really know how to raise me, we never properly bonded i and as i got older she sort of grew to hate me as i reminded her of my dad. She met my step dad the year my father died, once my mum started to resent me we fought everyday about everything she was violent to me until i got big enough to fight back, she ended up having two other children and putting all of her attention into them as i (had had enough attention) i became the black sheep, the fighting between us was nonstop and i often would run away but have nowhere to go as she didn't speak to any of her family and she gate kept me from my dad's family after his death, i would be threatened with boarding school or even adoption blah blah blah after high school she kicked me out, i didn't see her or my stepdad or siblings for eight years.

when covid hit i found myself in a psychosis and homeless i ran back to mummy, whom was a completely different person but i knew she was still the same, i remained there in pieces as she tried to fix me and accused me of doing drugs as MH is not real and its (all in my head) her old ways quickly came back, since then iv moved in and out multiple times because I've gone to rehab, or had to leave where i was living, she's always let me back BUT Shes a complete narcissist and will not take any ownership over her part in my childhood, she won't help me get MH help because she thinks ill fall into the system of just being on drugs (which i get but like) c'mon Mother. 

Anyways I'm trying figure out how people with struggles like live a normal life, when parents have such high expectations on us and don't understand us at all, I've been diagnosed with literally everything Pda Autism,ADHD,Dyslexia,GAD,OCD,BPD,DEPRESSION,BIPOLAR.

So, I'm keen to talk about all of that as well as addiction, self-harm, Disassociation, Gender, Sexuality, Trauma, Autism, Cost of living, how fucked the world is, Relationships, Abandonment.

open book 

pls help

😂

[quirkywords]

Possum sugar 

welcome to the forum and thanks for your honesty. You have coped with do much and I appreciate writing it down. 

You have have had  and still have many challenges in your life. 

I find it hard coping with one diagnosis bipolar let alone multiple ones as well as a parent who does not understand mental issues. 
I was wondering does your art help you express your thoughts and feelings…?
Do you have a person who is supportive or a community or group where you feel valued and understood.?
Does writing help you to express yourself. 
If you scroll through the different sections on the forum you may find topics that may help. 

By writing your post you will help others who will not feel alone as they can relate to what you have written. 

[therising]

Hi Possum

The warmest of welcomes to you. While you face so many challenges, my heart goes out to you.

There can be so many different titles for the most challenging child in the family. There can be 'The black sheep of the family', 'The difficult one', 'The challenging one', 'The most triggering one' and the list goes on. Being a mum, I've learned that this child is the one who's going to develop a parent the most. They're going to challenge or push that parent in so many ways to have to become more patient, more understanding, more open minded, more of a problem solver, more of a careful listener, more of and intuitive feeler (gaining a greater sense of or feel for how their child feels) and so on. When they were younger, while my 18yo son was the child who offered me a sense of ease or relief in being a mum, my 21yo daughter seriously raised me through a lot of the ways she challenged or pushed me. Both my kids are responsible for my self development not just as a mum but as a person. Btw, I was the most challenging of 3 kids, the problem child.

I think a lot depends on the resources a mum has for managing, such as a good partner to partner them through challenges with their child, financial means (when it comes to psychological assessments, mental health support etc), certain skill sets with which to work from and build upon, good mental health, good parents/guides themself when it comes to examples of how to parent and so on. I'd have to say that the one key thing, above all else, that helps a parent develop or evolve is an open mind. Without an open mind, no new ideas, skills, solutions etc can get in and no false or destructive beliefs can be taken out. I wish your mum had a more open mind when it comes to researching mental health challenges.

You sound like you have an open mind, full of wonder. With you being an artist, I imagine you're also a bit of a philosopher and a researcher of fascinating things. While these can be some of the traits of 'a black sheep of the family' another strong trait can often be heightened sensitivity. It's amazing how the most sensitive member of he family (aka 'the most easily triggered') can be put into the too hard basket. While I used to think 'To come to your senses' meant waking up to what's logical, these days I'm more inclined to see it as 'To fully come into or wake up to your senses'. Another way of putting that is 'How to sense or do sensitivity like a pro'. I smile when I imagine the day before we're born and the powers that be say 'Okay, you're going to be a super sensitive human being but, unfortunately, we're not going to give you an instruction manual for all the abilities sensitivity gives you. You will need to work them all out for your self as you go along. Good luck with that'. Would be nice to be warned that it's going to feel like hell on earth at times.