Hey Beau,
Sorry to hear of the situation you're in mate. I'm going through something very similar - my wife and I with 3 kids, communication has broken down, she doesn't trust me as over our 20 year relationship I have had episodes in strip clubs and the like, she thinks there is more, I've been spending time at Mums. Let's help each other mate. I need help to regain her trust and you need help trusting your wife again. Her decision in this is hers so you need to respect that and focus on yourself feeling good. Talk to as many people as you can and you will find how many people are going through the exact same thing as you and your family. Try breathing exercises and meditation - it helps calm the anxiety. Trust me as a non-believer, it works.
First thing, your wife is not a bad person, she is human and made a mistake, maybe a few mistakes. Marriage is tough and includes the tough stuff. If she is looking to change and stop texting the man and work with you then I believe that is a start. If she wants to start the communicating and working towards something better then maybe you should consider letting her back in, doing your best to leave the past behind and listen to her and ask her to listen to you. My indiscretions have stemmed from a self destructive behaviour pattern from a difficult child hood. I love my wife with everything I have yet I kept going to these places and not knowing why. I literally couldn't stop myself - maybe your wife is in a similar situation?
If you read up on self help material, do the work, communicate, it will get easier everyday.
