Just feeling lonely

[daisyloo]

Hey,

I joined Beyond Blue yesterday as I guess I'm just sick of feeling so alone in this part of my life. I'm 36, so it's been many many years of suffering alone. I don't really even know what this suffering is...

I finally got the courage to see a GP a year and a half ago to get help with managing the constant stress and anxiety, worry, guilt, doubt, self-hatred. I asked to go on a mental health plan so I could speak to a psychologist. It took me about 6 months of seeing her and still putting up my 'I'm OK facade' before I just broke down in there one day saying I couldn't keep it all together anymore. From that day she recommended anti-depressants which I reluctantly agreed to. I am not suicidal and never have been. I was never actually given a diagnosis, rather I was told I was dealing with grief and trauma.

Fast forward a year later and after two different types of anti-depressants I have decided to go off them all together. Yes, I was less stressed and anxious but I actually felt depressed. I suffered side-effects for a year and somedays I couldn't see the point of getting up. The last month or so I even started becoming super agitated and began counting everything that involved movement. Just counting all day, everyday, going crazy.

So I have reached out now cos I'm at home suffering through this horrible experience of weaning off. I'm scared and sick and I guess I just need to know that this is going to go away.

Sorry, I know I haven't really gone much into my history etc.

Thanks for having me x

[blondguy]

Hey daisyloo

Thankyou heaps for posting with us. The forums are a safe and judgemental free place for you to post. Your privacy is paramount to us!

I understand your pain as I have been on AD's for a while now and they have reduced my anxiety by approx 70% which is huge.

Coming off the AD's is hard work...Can I ask if you have a good GP that is assisting you?

Just some info for you if thats okay.....The AD's are never a fix all...they are best utilised with ongoing therapy from a GP/counselor

Your post reminds me of my visits with my mental health worker. I burst into tears after he started asking about what was 'buried' in the back of my mind. I was so embarrassed to cry the way I did. I didnt even know that was part of the healing process...oops

Can I also ask why you decided to stop taking the AD's?

You have nothing to apologise for in any way daisyloo. Its great to have you as part of the forum family 🙂

If you have any questions I hope you can ask. Even though the forums dont have immediate chat there are many gentle people that can be here for you

my kind thoughts

Paul

[daisyloo]

Thanks Paul,

Yes, I have an understanding GP. I switched to her about halfway through my year on the ADs and she recommended the second type that I went on. I started seeing her basically because I moved and she was more convenient for me and I had heard good things about her. She also suggested I try EMDR therapy. I gave that a go for about 6 sessions but it wasn't for me. I will be seeing a new psychologist soon I think.

The main reason I decided to go off ADs is just the negative impact I mentioned in my first post. My GP felt that if neither of them had the desired effect it was time to stop it. The bad was outweighing the good for me. Especially when I started developing agitation and OCD-like symptoms that I had never experienced before.

I'm on day four of nothing now, the brain zaps are still very hard to cope with but I'm trying to stay as active as I can and rest also. I have an appt with my doctor tomorrow.

To be honest, when it comes to mental health, mine in particular, I'm just so confused. I always thought I had it all together but was just someone who was a bit moody and worried alot. I'd always written off the things I experienced growing up, saying 'yeah but other people had it so much worse than me' or 'I'm so lucky I had what I did, it could have been so much worse'. It's only recently through talking with these professionals and reading further that I've realised what sort of impact my experiences are having on who I am today. I still feel lucky though!

Hope you're having a good day