Introduction. How I got to where I am today…

[AnotherSadDad]

Hi, I’m at such a loss… I am becoming more and more uneasy, sad and just regretful about what my life is turning out to be.

I have a great job and without sounding obnoxious I imagine lots of people would take my position in a heart beat.

Everything started going down hill with the birth of my son in Jan 2020. From the get go I struggled adapting to life as a dad. First it was all the lack of sleep which seemed never ending but I knew would resolve itself in time. Then my son was diagnosed as Autistic. He is now 2.5 years old and is still non-verbal. He is a gorgeous little boy but he is so frustrated and miserable. I can’t help but think what the future holds for him and my wife and I and it scares me… I don’t want this for my life. I hate to say it but sometimes I feel like I should just leave, but I don’t think I can bring myself to do that… I feel so trapped and don’t know what to do.

sorry this is probably a ramble of sorts. I just don’t know what to do. Im so miserable now… I hate that I feel like this but don’t know what to do…

[That Other Guy]

Hi there.  Sounds like you have a lot going on.  I imagine having a child with a disability i confronting.  My kids are autistic, but so am I, so it's been fine, for us.  Autism is a wide spectrum, so the ways in which I function are not proof of outcomes for your son.  I am certainly non non verbal 🙂  It seems to me like you're trying to adjust to a life that's different to what you envisaged.  My kids, like me, are misfits, we don't fit easily into this world.  We find out tribe all the same and live happy lives.  No matter what challenges your son will face, I feel it's likely you're projecting your feelings onto him and he's a 2 year old without much concept of life beyond if he's being hugged or fed.  I am sure his life will only be better from your love and support.  

have you talked to your wife? How is she dealing with things? Is it affecting the marriage? It seems to me that you need to work on being together with your wife, and just help your son live the best life he can.  

[Sophie_M]

Dear AnotherSadDad,

We would like to welcome you to our forums, and thank you for finding the strength and courage to post about your concerns and confusion around your son. We are a very supportive community.

We understand that you have a good job. You were also happy in your marriage, and with your family.

Unfortunately, your son was diagnosed with Autism, and he remains nonverbal. You are now feeling trapped because life isn't going in the direction you were working so hard for, and you now don't know what to do.

We know that when major things go differently than what we expected, this can create lots of stress and confusion. So, we would like to encourage you to call the BeyondBlue Support Service on 1300 22 4636. The mental health specialists are available 24/7, every day of the year, and are available to talk with you confidentially. You might also call Lifeline on 13 1114, which is also 24/7.

Again, thank you for joining our helpful and supportive community. We look forward to hearing more from you whenever you wish to say more.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.
 

[Petal22]

Hi AnotherSadDad,

Wellcome to our forums.

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

I understand that being a new parent can be hard to adjust to sometimes, I suffered with postnatal anxiety and parental OCD when my children where quite young, I recovered from these conditions after I received professional help.

Mothers and Fathers can experience this and also postnatal depression, sometimes we don't understand what is wrong with us and why we feel the way we do but there is sometimes an underlying cause and once this has been addressed life really can be so so much better for us. 

Have you thought about having a chat to your gp about the way you are currently feeling?

Your son sounds gorgeous I understand he has autism but Im sure that yourself and your wife will love him and support him and give him the best life you can. I believe that all children just want love and to feel accepted and Im sure yourself and your wife will do this.

Sometimes life doesn't go to plan and that s ok, sometimes when it doesn't go to plan it can be the best thing for us because it creates challenges and with life challenges we can obtain personal growth.