Christies

[Socs]

Hi, I have had for about 4years. My older brother went missing in 2001 and they unfortunately found his remains in 2018. At least we have closure and he's resting in peace. The first 2years we're very difficult for me but I find talking about things that most men don't. I also am a full time carer for my mum and I still can't imagine how she feels burying her 1st son. The last 2years have been a little bit better because I'm on medication for my PTSD which helps. I also am involved with a support group for Carers, I joined just over a year ago. We are all Carers and it's all about us Carers which means we can all relate to each other. Exactly 

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

thank you for sharing your story. How each of us react to the passing of a loved one is unique. I noticed the length of time between going missing and finding his remains and what feelings or thoughts that might have triggered. And perhaps being part of the support group has enabled you to move forward?  If you want to chat about what is going on for you, the people here are both supportive and non-judgmental and will take this journey with you while you are here.

[Socs]

Thanks for listening to some of my story, it's much appreciated. It's been a difficult journey and I don't know what was worse, not knowing where my brother was all of that time or finding him. I think the trauma and shock was when he was found deceased. Everybody deals with grief differently, having met people who are on the same page helps me.

[Captain Australia]

I'm sorry for your tremendous loss, and the grief, sorrow and helplessness you've had to endure.  I hope you find light, peace and some measure of happiness in your future.  I hope your brother is in a better place, and I hope that things also get better for you, Socs.

[Socs]

I usually keep to myself and I speak with my GP every 1-2 months. He has been very supportive which is great. I understand things take time and I have my good days and bad days. My personal experience with meeting a psychiatrist for the first time was that I was open and honest with him. This is why I believe I was prescribed the correct medication the first time for my PTSD. This all occurred at the beginning of 2021 when I was admitted into a Mental Health Facility for 2 weeks. When I was discharged I was told by the doctors not to feel ashamed if I have a relapse. So far with the support services I have reached out to, I haven't returned. I'm proud of myself because things aren't perfect but I'm trying my best.

[smallwolf]

Yes. I cannot imagine what that would have been like for both of you. I am speaking for myself .... there is that sense of finality when the body is found and old memories come back?

What i am about to say is only somewhat related,... an elderly lady I know lost her partner more than 10 years ago and still misses him. 

I guess this is something that will live with you and your mum for a long time yet.  I know from your initial post you look after her. How do you think your mum is coping these day?

[Socs]

1. My mum is coping okay, I know my mum doesn't like talking much about my brother. It took some time for me to adjust because I needed to talk. I let Mum deal with it her way and then there's less frustration between us. I do have a support worker every 2 weeks for mum so we can have a break. Most other times I take care of my mum. It was an adjustment my mum had to make because she didn't want any support worker until I was admitted to hospital in early 2021. That's how I got involved with this carers group which concentrates for us carers, to look after ourselves and our wellbeing.