Introducing myself

[Ballza]

Hi there... My name is Matt...

I’ve posted a few threads on here, but I haven’t taken the time to introduce myself!!!

Im a 42 year old tradesman, Married to a beautiful woman and we have 2 beautiful little girls together... I’ve suffered from (what I didn’t know at the time) anxiety, probably from as far back as I can remember... Had my first anxiety attack when I was 19, which lead to depression (which again, I didn’t understand at the time) On turning 28, I thought enough is enough and went and visited a go, who told me I had agoraphobia...

Seeked treatment through medication, which worked wonders up until now!!!

Things have taken a bit of a turn... I feel like I’m back to those old days!!

Anyway, enough rambling, that’s my story!!!

I guess I’m just here to meet people who are going through similar things as me... And looking to share stories with!!!

I look forward to talking with you all... Its one thing I’ve learnt in the past months, is to talk about it!!!

Take care, I hope everyone is battling on and doing well!!!

Matt

[croquemadame]

Hi Matt,

You can't begin to imagine how much I can relate to what you have just said. I think maybe it's mostly been denial? A lack of understanding? Who knows.

What sort of medical treatment did you have to improve the situation? Is there anything that you think may have triggered the anxiety again?

I would love to hear more about your life - what do you do in life these days that you find truly put your mind at ease? Is it a hobby or being with certain people?

I hope you are doing well also!

[Ballza]

Hi there...

I was prescribed medication and it seemed to work wonders, seemed to make me confident and also it seemed to quell the jitters I used to get. Took away my nervousness!!!

I think after 13 years of using the meds, they have just stopped working!!

I visit a psychologist once a week now and were working on cbt...

To be honest, I’m a bit disappointed because when I was diagnosed and prescribed the meds, I was not told that you may build up tolerance to them.. It seems as though things are worse now then when I started them 👎🏽👎🏽..

Its been a horrible couple of months to be honest!!! Fingers crossed I can get through this for my family!!!

I really love the beach, and also enjoy my work. but at the moment all I feel like doing is staying home like a recluse... Its not good!!!

its nice chatting to people on here, it really helps..

How about you, you said you’ve had similar feelings???

[croquemadame]

Hey,

It's interesting to hear about the medication. Was it the same prescription for the entire 13 years? If so, that sounds pretty successful?

It's nice to hear that you have a beautiful family that are there to be your motivation. Do they know what you're going through or is this something you're battling on your own?

I am wondering though how I could approach my GP about my depression/anxiety these days? I think it used to be manageable... now it takes over my life several times a day. I am on the brink of exhaustion. I have had a very casual relationship with my GP. Almost a purely jovial one, despite me coming in for whatever reason at the time. I don't know how to approach it and it's making me feel very uncomfortable even thinking about it. I do want to take that first step, though.

When it comes to what you enjoy, the beach sounds like a perfect little escape! If you just spent the day on the sand and took a book or listened to some music, maybe that would be enough to clear your mind? Even temporarily... I don't know if you're family knows what you're experiencing, but maybe some alone time would be good for you? I know how exhausting it can be to put on a facade every day. Sometimes being alone is better for the soul.

If you really can't get out of the house, maybe start a project or a hobby? I personally like puzzles. 🙂 Or maybe there's been something around the house you've been meaning to do and never got around to it?

I've only over the last couple of years come to realise that I am susceptible of having depression/anxiety. I thought I was depressed as a teenager, but now I truly know what that feeling is. I'm carrying a heavy load on my shoulders in my life right now; my family is broken and I am expected to be the glue (a role I have naturally fallen into), my father is dealing with Dementia and I am the only person he trusts, a person who I considered my oldest and one of my closest friends has openly told me that she doesn't want to be my "counsellor" and that what I'm going through doesn't excuse the fact that I don't uphold my social relationships on a daily basis.

I'm feeling a bit lost and hopeless at the moment... To be honest, reading what other people are posting and wanting to help or even just responding... This is what is helping me get through my day... Today.

[Ballza]

Yes it was the same prescription... But in the last 3 years, I’ve upped the dose which hasn’t agreed with me, so I drop it back down after a month or so and then everything seems to go back to normal... Strange .....

I just don’t know what to do....

As for you approaching your doctor about your worries, I would just come straight out and ask him/her...

Sounds to me like you can feel that something just isn’t right.... I myself am quite open when I’m not feeling the best, mainly because it scares the hell out of me...

Latley I just keep getting these urges to cry... I really don’t understand, I let it out, then I feel much better for a while...

Hopefully one day, we can just live a peaceful life!!!

Keep on going, we are lucky we’ve got these outlets these days..

Im sure you will be fine!!! Feel free to write whenever you want...

[croquemadame]

Thank you for your kind words!

I visited my father yesterday and contrary to every other time I see him, it was actually a nice and peaceful day! It made me a feel a whole lot better. We chatted, I was teaching him how to use the computer again, we watched the sun go down and I put on a Formula 1 movie for him before I left (he loves racing). 🙂

I understand those urges - my emotions are just so unpredictable these days.

I will take your advice and see how I go - I don't know if medication is the way to go for me at the moment. I try to live pretty actively, which helps me a great deal. I've just come back from a short trip and maybe the lack of routine has put my mind in a whirl? I think I mostly just need people to talk to... I have joined a group that have monthly meet ups. I will try that out and see how I go.

All the best to you and I hope that things start looking up soon! You sound very strong with your words... and it gives me strength. Take care!

[geoff]

hi Matt, my apologies for being late in welcoming you to the site, I know you posted on my own thread 'Home Improvement', and it's great to have another tradesmen join us, never the less I'm sorry for how you have been feeling.
Medication does have a tendency to build up in own system so it does need to be reviewed by your doctor, whereas some people it doesn't affect, I suppose we're the lucky ones, but depression there are no lucky people.
I only say this because I've been on the same dosage for awhile but if I need to increase them, well I can't as I'm taking the max., but starting new medication always makes me crook. Geoff.

[Ballza]

Hi Geoff. Have you used the same med for a long time??? And how do you handle the changing of meds if you have too??

[Birdy77]

Hi Matt,

I just wanted to say thanks for your posts, reading your words and the exchange you had with croquemadame have really helped me today 😊

I'm going through the same feeling of wanting to be a recluse at the moment. I've started a veggie patch (which is very good for mental health) but now I've got so much produce growing that i hardly have to go to the shops for food - haha, win/win for hermitisation hey. I also have been having the urges to just cry. Which adds to my feeling of wanting to be a hermit. I did manage to get go bunnings yesterday for gardening materials and no tears. Yes 👍👍👍

I'm really enjoying chatting to people of these forums, i only joined a few days ago but it's helping me to feel better.

Anyway just wanted to say good on ya, you sound like a legend and your posts have really helped me today.

[geoff]

hi Matt, a change in any medication makes me nauseated for weeks.

My doctor of 20years has retired and now he is working in Melbourne 2 hours away part-time, so now I've got a new doctor, it's never the same trying to explain what's wrong with how you're feeling. Geoff.