Introducing Myself

[RampantRnr]

Good morning everyone,

My name is Phil, I'm 32 and live in Sydney with a beautiful wife and young son. My son was born 9 weeks ago and he is the most beautiful little boy, and my wife and I are both so in love with him and just want to give him the best of everything.

I'm here, because I am currently suffering from cripping anxiety and depression. My wife and I have discussed it, and she is extremely supportive. We think it has always been there since adolescence, however it's only in the last few months it has reared its head to the surface.

I'm physically breaking down. My wife is getting fed up with having the same conversations and trying to talk through the same things, and wants me to take aggressive action. I used some medication  for the first time last night because I also suffer from crippling insomnia and needed relief. My wife is getting exhausted, as my son is also not sleeping so she has her hands full looking after him. I am severely worried she will leave me if I don't sort this problem.

I just don't know where to start - this does seem like I'm making excuses, but I also believe I have ADD as well as OCD (checking). It seems like my mind is going a million miles a minute which makes it incredibly hard to focus on anything.

I'm here to say hello, but to also seek support. I have been to psychologists and life coaches, but never been able to follow through with their instructions, but now I feel I am at my wits end and will do what it takes.

Can anyone share with me, what has been successful for you in the past in managing anxiety and depression? I exercise regularly, but we feel that my diet has contributed. I have recently finished a masters degree while working full time, and am addicted to caffeine, which I know is a trigger, but we are also going to eliminate dairy and gluten from my diet.

Can anyone else share some success tips? It would be much appreciated.

Phil

[geoff]

hi Phil, good to hear from you, but we need to take all of this slowly, because if we jump into all the whole problems that you have mentioned then you won't know what to to do, does that make sense.
At the moment your wife has her hands full although she did want to help you and thought that all would be fixed for you but it doesn't quite work like that.
You have such a lot going on and whether you maybe struggling with PND on top of everything else is an enormous burden, although I'm not qualified to diagnose you, only your doctor can do this.
You may want to sleep in another bedroom just for the moment, this will allow your wife and baby to get settled, but her work is now full on with your son, and although she loves you she doesn't have the time you need.
I have OCD so I know what you are talking about, and with everything else that is going on your OCD would be increased much more, again causing problems.
The instructions from the psych and coach which you haven't followed through with, is this because you hoped that everything will OK, but you have to remember that with OCD your mind goes so fast so you can't decide on what you can or want to do.
If you didn't like the psych then it's time to change, same with your doctor, but I won't know until you get back to me.
So I want to say hello to you Phil, you have my mind attached to your post, just as others will as well, so we want to help you, just as much as you want help, so please get back to us. Geoff.

[blondguy]

Hello Phil, Welcome to you

Geoff has brought up an important point of slowing everything down and dealing with a piece of the whole problem at a time. I also had acute anxiety in 1983 and had to change doctors a few times to find a GP that worked first.I was a mess and still remember how dreadful the symptoms were. I feel your pain Phil

Good new though!...With regular visits to a good GP and therapist the anxiety and its severity does decrease.

What worked for me: Community mental health worker (psychiatric nurse) twice/week for six months and a good GP every two weeks. This young nurse gave me my life back.

Th coffee is interesting, I was in meetings all day and had a few straight blacks before my crippling major anxiety attack in 1983. I too was addicted but had to stop. It will increase your heart rate and leave the door more open for anxiety to creep in. Of course with some people coffee doesnt have any effect.

Support is also important for you now. The frequency of having a 'vent' whether to a doc or a close friend is vital

You have a ton on your plate right now and there are many super kind people on the forums that can be here for you. Your anxiety will dissipate with the right GP/therapist and very regular ongoing management. Your wife is right, a pro-active approach will bring you some relief you deserve.

you are not alone Phil.....you are more than welcome to post back as many times as you wish:-)

My kind thoughts for you

Paul

[PatT]

Hi Phil,

Welcome, congrats on your boy and sorry to hear about your mental state at the moment, it's damned hard managing anxiety/depression let alone a 9 week old and a full time job. I think you're first step is to cut back on the caffeine. I'm much the same - drinking at least 6-8 cups a day and it's easier said than done but personally I do know it's bad for my anxiety. I'm 2/3 through my own masters at the moment and caffeine is both my worst enemy and best friend. It sounds like you're having a lot of trouble slowing your mind down, which is a hard thing to do.

Have you thought about medication? I've been on anti-depressants for years now and know that without them my anxiety skyrockets. Alternatively maybe you need to think about going back to see a psychologist if you're really down in the dumps. I know some people don't enjoy it or find it valuable but a lot of it has to do with your willingness to accept the advice. I've personally been reluctant to implement the changes my previous psychologists have proposed but when I actually do it's a discernible improvement.

[RampantRnr]

Hi All,

Thankyou so kindly for your helpful and caring posts, it is truly great to know that there are kind and supportive people out there, and I really appreciate the time it took to reply to my post.

Geoff - I think you are spot on with the OCD. I find its incredibly difficult for me to focus on any particular thing as my mind is constantly racing between OCD, ADD, Anxiety and Depression. I find that even with really helpful things I really just cant seem to get my mind into it.

Blondguy - Thankyou for your response, I was seeing a GP who referred me onto a really good psychologist who wanted to really delve into CBP, which I think is really helpful. I haven't given this the time or the attention, I've been basically been making excuses for myself...

PatT - Thankyou mate, thanks for your nice words. Regarding the medications, to be honest a lot of me really wants to try them. I was prescribed something by my GP for which I still have the script. My wife wants me to exhaust every single option before going on them, due to the long term effects they have (which I agree with). I also want to try different options (diet, meditiation, journalling) however part of me thinks, well perhaps I just need the medication to actually make that shift..

[Kazzl]

Hi Phil - congratulations on your baby! How wonderful!

I just want to pick up on the point about medication. Sometimes medication is what we need to just get us out of the slump or the cycle we're in. It might be only for a short time. Medication need not be forever and there need not be any long term effects.

I respect your efforts to try and get well without it, but the reality is that you have a new baby, which means less sleep even under the best of circumstances, it also means an exhausted wife, a whole new routine to your life, new concerns, new experiences and very little time to yourselves.

While having a new baby in the house is the most joyous experience, it's also incredibly stressful for both parents. I'd suggest talking with your doctor about whether it's worth considering medication just to get you through this very early stage of parenthood.

Cheers

Kaz

[White_Rose]

Dear Rampant

Hello and welcome to BB. Your life sounds full of lovely things such as the birth of your son. Congratulations. It's also full of problems which impinge on each other.

I agree with Kaz about medication. I refused to antidepressants initially but I have found I can function much better with them. Not sure what long term effects you are talking about. Perhaps you could talk about this. I know people are afraid they will become dependent on them, but this does take time. Discussing this with your doctor is the best way. Your doctor can explain how the medication works and how long you need to take.

Taking antidepressants is not always a bad thing. It is only a medication and not to be compared with illicit drugs. I have been taking a mild pain killer for many years because I have some arthritis. I live pain free and can continue with my activities instead of feeling hopeless because of the pain. Antidepressants (AD) work in this way. It can help your mind to slow down and give you time to make good decisions and not feel overwhelmed by it all.

Please reconsider using meds, at least in the short term, until you have your life back under control. There really is a lot to be said for it.

Before you go out on limb with dietary concerns I suggest you also discuss this with your doctor. I have stopped eating bread which I find does all sorts thing to me. I am not gluten intolerant and have been tested for this. Just not eating bread has made an amazing difference to me. This may or may be a part of your problem. If it is then it's an easier solution than eating gluten free food, cheaper and far less hassle. If you are going to try removing various items from your diet I suggest you try one at a time in order to find the culprit. And it really is important to discuss this with your doctor and possible have a simple blood test to determine your 'gluten status'.

One last comment, this one about psychologists. People often believe a psych is there to tell you what to do and how to get well. In reality a psych is there to help you find out what the problem and then help to manage it. You are the who does the work while the psych is there for support and advice. Not entirely certain of the role of a life coach, but they are not mental health experts so perhaps you can save that money and see a good psychologist instead.

I hope you will continue to write in.

Mary

[RampantRnr]

Hello again Team,

Once again thankyou so much for your very kind words. I am really enjoying being here and will look to contribute to the forum as much as I can.

I am having an incredibly tough day today. My wife and I agreed that I would eliminate caffeine, and it is certainly taking its toll on me. Unsure if it is the depression, anxiety or just the withdrawls, but I have zero energy, fatigued, dizzy and am finding this work day very tough.

Regarding the medications, thankyou for your comments however I do want to exhaust each option before I do consider them. I am not averse to them by any means, however I do believe that a lot of my issues are caused by food and my overall gut health, so this is an area I want to prioritise.

Mary - Thankyou for your kind words. In your message about psychologists, did you mean to say that I should see a psychologist or psychiatrist? If psychologist, then I am already seeing one .

[Moonstruck]

Hi Rampant - the others have given some valuable insights into certain areas they know much more about than I do - so just wanted to add that I noticed you mentioned Meditation and Journalling among your possible things to try. Those I am familiar with.....journalling is incredibly healing to me and I admit writing comes easily to me and may not do so to others....never mind, you are safe in the knowledge that no-one else is going to read the entries anyway.....sometimes only a few pars...sometimes a couple of foolscap pages.....whatever my needs are.

This time around I've been doing it for about 10 years and it's SO revealing to read over what I was thinking, feeling, doing, back then.....patterns emerge....all sorts of insights are gained about oneself...I also have a go at meditation when I have time (I should make more time). only 15 minutes a day is beneficial...there are heaps of great relaxing CDs around to have in the background.....breathe in.....breathe out.......

Lastly....congrats on your baby son.....how wonderful. Stay in touch and very best wishes and kind thoughts going out to you..........take care now.......

[White_Rose]

Yes I realised you were seeing a psychologist. I shorten both words once it is established which one we are talking about. My comment was in response to one of yours, "I have been to psychologists and life coaches, but never been able to follow through with their instructions," However I see in a later post you mention what a great psych you have. It seemed that you wanted the psychologist to do the work for you, and of course this is not going to happen. Only you can carry out the work, although there are many good people out there who can help you.

I agree with Moonstruck about journalling. Looking over some of my writing from a ten year distance is quite surprising and worthwhile. Give it a try some time. Computer or exercise book, it doesn't matter.

Take care of yourself.

Mary