I want to breakup with my boyfriend because of depression and anxiety

[niloofar]

I’m 19 years old and turning twenty this year and I have been suffering from depression and anxiety since I was 17. I had to quit year 12 in high school because of it. I just didn’t want to do anything.

I decided to do a hospitality course which I quit because of the bad influence. After that I started working and that’s when I met my boyfriend. I was feeling a lot better when I started dating him and I decided to repeat year 12 but it was too much pressure so I quit.

After that I decided to do a bridging course in university and that was when my boyfriend and I moved in together. When I was halfway through the course I got all anxious and I started smoking cigarettes a lot to manage my anxiety but I quit the course again. I felt like a failure to my parents and boyfriend. My boyfriend tries to push me because in his opinion pushing people can wake them up but I am too sensitive. I was hurting myself and at the end of the year I considered suicide. I was taking an antidepressant back then which wasn’t working for me. And after that I stopped seeing my psychologist because it wasn’t helping me at all.

I’m okay now and I don’t have any suicidal thoughts. What my boyfriend thinks is that the days that I don’t do my daily tasks is because I’m making depression an excuse but it’s not an excuse.

I went to my GP and changed my antidepressant so that my sleeps get deep and I wake up fresh. It was working fine and I had my motivation back so I got a job and decided to go back to uni.

I have done half of the course and I am feeling the pressure from the assignments. I want to do them but I get anxious and can’t put in the work. When I’m stressed I sleep too much or try to distract myself.

I can’t do anything again. The house is a mess, I’m behind for my assignments and I get irritated fast so I argue with my boyfriend.

I want to break up with him because he doesn’t deserve this pressure and stress I put him under and I want to be alone so I hurt no one else.

Can someone please help me on what I should do?

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Re: "My boyfriend tries to push me because in his opinion pushing people can wake them up but I am too sensitive." I don't agree with that. He isn't dealing with a person without a mental health issue otherwise yes, motivation can work much more effectively if he was- but with yourself you need much patience and general kind quiet and calm support.

Out of 100 students doing year 12 or a uni course do you think 100 should pass? I don't think so. Many cannot for a variety of reasons like inability, learning deficiencies, mental illness and the endurance required. Gee, we cannot all be rocket scientists nor cleaners....we must find our own niche in life in a natural way without pressure.

If you are after my advice as a person with a working history that included 90 jobs and 15 professions over 41 years then I'd say leave all schooling and seek out a part time job. Then over time if you feel ok to work more find a second part time job. Part time work is better for those with mental disorders as they mix up the workplaces so you get to leave one for the other which is better for us not to remain in one job 8 hours a day.

As for your boyfriend you need to sit down and chat about your relationship. Tell him that you cannot take the pressure others are placing upon you like uni or other things that others class as achievement when it is putting so much pressure on you that it is damaging your mental health. Tell them that your mental health is a huge deal and you need their help by support not expectations you cannot fulfill.

Show him and if so your family this post if it helps.

Google

Beyondblue topic they just wont understand-why?

Beyondblue topic the timing of motivation

Beyondblue topic who cares for the carer?

The last one involves basic obligations even for the depressed like yourself. That if you consider your boyfriend enough you'll also care for him- it isn't a one way relationship.

I hope that works. It isn't unusual for those without mental illness to not understand and try different things to help but often it isn't the way to go and can place undue pressure on us which backfires.

TonyWK

[niloofar]

I do have a job and I enjoy doing it. Well I still do fee tired but coffee helps. I just feel like I have been stock in depression for so long and I want to change but it’s hard. My boyfriend had depression 3 years ago and one of his friends pushed him so he thinks I could do it as well.

Some nights I can’t sleep because of how disappointed I am in myself and I Want to make the change but my mind doesn’t let me.

I have gained weight because of my antidepressant and my boyfriend and I are not as sexually active as we used to be. I just don’t know what is going on and I am lost.

[white knight]

Ok, good that you are working.

Sometimes its better to allow the medical professionals to work out our mind issues than suffer.

A few consultations can work wonders

TonyWK