I think I need help for anxiety but I’m not sure

[Lola98]

Hi everyone,

I have debated with myself about joining and making a post because I’m not sure whether I’m just being a wuss or genuinely have some issues that I need help with. So I guess I’ll tell you a bit about myself..

I’m 22 and for as long as I can remember I’ve always been a perfectionist but I think it’s gotten worse in recent years. I went to uni straight out of high school because I didn’t want to ‘waste time’ not getting into a career that I would probably end up in anyway despite the fact I’m fairly certain now that ive graduated and am working that it won’t be a life long one. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job but Also think that I’m not going to be able to sustain it for some of the reasons I’m about to list.

I HATE HATE HATE making mistakes and will beat myself up for it for days no matter how small and always worry about what others think of my mistakes or knowledge deficits. I expect myself to know how to do things that I haven’t learned yet but would never have the same expectation of someone else of my same level of experience and education and would think it ridiculous if they criticised themselves for the same thing. When I get stressed (particularly at work) i could be experiencing anything from chest tightness, fast breathing, hot flushes, sweats, brain fog and very often get dizzy spells. I once had to be sent to the emergency department during work for almost fainting. I had a blood pressure 170/110 and a heart rate in the 120s. The doctor put it down to stress, sent me home and I was back the next day. I went to my manager about it who said I was ‘too much of perfectionist’ and I once I sorted that I’d be fine.

ive never been in a relationship (Which I’m embarrassed about) because I don’t believe I’m smart, attractive or good enough but yearn for a partner to live life with. I struggle with a lot of friendships and don’t believe that they are genuine, rather that people feel sorry for me. I don’t like going out in public and avoid shopping and the beach at all costs because of my weight.

I could list more but the thing is, I wouldnt judge anyone for these issues and would be completely supportive of anyone who needed help, but still struggle to justify why I myself should need help and can’t just power on. I’ve considered seeking help in the past but always believed others needed it more than me and I was wasting resources.

This is as open as I have ever been. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated xx

[Sophie_M]

Hi Lola98,

Welcome to the forums and it's great to see you reaching out for some support, it's never an easy thing to do and the fact that you were able to take the first step in this takes strength.

I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling for so long, and the thought that things aren't 'bad' enough for us to ask for help, despite all the difficultes we've been facing, can be a really hard issue to deal with. I'm sure that our lovely community will have a lot to add to this discussion, but I just want to say that everyone deserves to get help for their mental health and there is support out there for everyone. In fact, the best time to ask for help is when we're feeling like things are bit out of control but not rock bottom yet. Taking a proactive, preventative approach is something that mental health services consider a key priority in helping people feel better, so good on you for reaching out tonight!

In addition to the support from the forums (you might find the subforum on anxiety helpful), please know that you can also call our 24/7 Support Service at 1300 22 4636, or on webchat from 3am to 12pm AEST at this link: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our professional mental health counsellors at our Support Service will give you support and point you in the right direction for help in your area.

 

[Freckles_Montgomery]

Hi Lola, I’m almost 20 years older than you and can most definitely say that like you, I spent decades ashamed of my anxiety and of myself in general. I am a high achiever and also lean towards being a perfectionist. I have found myself on this BB as I wonder for 1,769th time why I have so much self doubt, anxiety, low self esteem.

Often we beat ourselves up and don’t question why. It is so important that we seek help and also know that it’s OK to seek it how you want. Face to face talking can be painful and awkward. I have found online resources fantastic, but also only kept friends around me who are empathetic. For many years my friends grew up in normal families, and were trouble free. Eventually I made friends who understood more complex emotions. As for anxiety, I was diagnosed with PTSD as a teenager and found self-hypnosis with a hypnotherapist the most valuable tool for panic attacks. There are many hypnotherapy tools available on YouTube.

I hope you can get to a place where you can feel confident in asking for support. Daily anxiety can be managed and improved! I guarantee!