i dont understand anything anymore

[jinx1167]

first time using this and asking someone for help but here we go

so ive really been struggling with my gender identity lately and i figured i would like to use they/he pronouns but my girlfriend is a lesbian. im really scared to tell her because I don’t want her to dump me and I love her. i know im young but i don’t want to be alone again. any tips or ideas for this?
also how do i stop thinking about intrusive suicidal thoughts, its really scary and i don’t want to act on them

sorry if this is a lot

[Sophie_M]

Hi Jinx1167,
 
We wish you warm welcome to the forums and we want to thank you for reaching out tonight. We are sorry to hear that you are struggling with intrusive thoughts, and it sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment with working out who you are within your relationship.
 
It can be useful to unpack these feelings and to talk to someone directly about ways to approach our identity, our relationships and our thoughts. As you mention that you are young, the best first stop for someone to speak to, would be our friends at Kids Help Line on 1800 55 1800.
 
If you feel like you are no longer safe or that you may act on these thoughts, this would be an emergency and we would encourage you to call 000.
 
Please keep us updated as to how you are going and welcome again.
 
 

[smallwolf]

hi jinx1167 and welcome to the forums.

this might sound like a dumb question ... what happened for you to get to this point of wanting to use he pronouns? I assume your GF was with your during this time as well.

Being vulnerable with your partner can be really hard especially if you have learnt not to show your feelings. On the other side, after I have had these conversations myself, I have found it to be a way of getting something off my chest, feeling better afterwards by removing the weight of those thoughts etc. You have also shown a lot of courage and strength in posting here. Sometimes I have given something to my wife or psychologist to read because I found it easier to write down than to say it.

I am curious to hear more about your story and hope you will come back to share a little more of it.

Listening to you, Tim

[Helpmeeeee]

Hey, just wanted to let you know that pronouns don't always equal gender. Meaning that someone could identify as a particular gender and choose whatever pronouns that suits them regardless of whether its accepted as normal or not. I know some people who have even made their own pronouns because that's what they want others to use. I use he/they pronouns too so you're definitely not alone in this.

As for the suicidal thoughts, I've found that certain meditations like 'leaves on a stream' and grounding activities can be helpful in managing them. The important thing is to accept these thoughts, and let them go. It can be very scary, but knowing that you wont act on them can help ease the anxiety.