I don’t always like myself.

[Athenry]

Half of the time I think I’m a fairly smart, happy, lucky person. I have joy in life and feel like I have a lot to look forward to. The other half I feel anxious, depressed, incapable of doing anything useful and like no one likes me.

I have friends, but if their reply is short, I worry that they don’t actually like me. If my boss is abrupt, I assume I’ve done something wrong. Some days I want to curl into a ball, it’s so frustrating.

who has tips on how to stop judging myself all the time? It saps my energy and makes me feel so low.

[HappyHelper88]

Hello Thank you for sharing

I have also felt like this before can be difficult and I'm sorry your going through this

My best tip is to try and practice gratitude and look at the positives in life

Easier said then done

All the best

[Summer Rose]

Hi Athenry

I appreciate that you asked for tips to help you resist judging yourself but I’d like to offer an alternative way to look at the situation.

Anxiety is the king of doubt and it can very much make a person second-guess themselves. In these situations, when dealing with most often irrational thoughts. I find it helps to look at the evidence. It’s really hard to argue with fact.

So if a friend’s message is brief, I will remind myself of the good time we had when last together, the length of our relationship, the pressures they may be under, etc. More often than the evidence will put my mind at ease.

I don’t know if this resonates with you but I do find it helpful.

Kind thoughts to you

[geoff]

Hello Athenry, thanks for your comment and appreciate what you are saying, but there could be one concern and that's that we don't know how our friends and/or boss are actually feeling themselves, they may be having a terrible day and only want to keep any conversation as short as they possibly can, so it may not be everything to do with you and keeping their problems close to their own heart so no one else knows about.

I wouldn't take it personally, just presume they are concerned about something else that's on their own mind.

This will always happen throughout life and may not be about you.

Geoff.

[therising]

Hi Athenry

I believe one of the greatest challenges in life comes down to figuring our self out. Can definitely be a massive challenge at times. I'm a 51yo gal and I'm still working on figuring myself out. As long as we're here, there's always something new to learn about our self.

Read a brilliant book called 'Insanely Gifted' by Jamie Catto. I found it to be brilliant based on it having shed light on the 'Why do I keep changing my mind about who I am?' factor. In a nutshell, he speaks about how different parts of us come to life at different times. For example, the insecure sense of self may come to life when we're a kid, when it's triggered by someone who leads us to feel insecure. The party goer in us may come to life when we connect with party goers in our youth who trigger that aspect in us. The 'story teller' sense of self may come to life when triggered by a parent, for example, who may teach us to imagine everything that may go wrong. In other words, we get into the habit of telling our self the story of 'If this goes wrong, that's going to happen' when, in fact, the outcome may turn out to be nothing like that. So, the questions may be 'Who or what part of myself am I channeling at any given time?' and 'Who or what has triggered or re-triggered that part of me?'.

I think if we've got loads of energy and we're looking for something exciting to do, we're perhaps channeling the hyperactive optimistic adventurer in us (the kid). If we've got next to no energy with nothing to look forward to, it's easy to channel the hopeless depressing pessimist who dictates 'Life is sh*t. People couldn't care less about me' and so on.

It appears you're channeling the wonderer in you, the questioner. I've found, this part of me is always looking for answers, always looking to evolve in some way, beyond who I believe myself to be. To channel the wonderer in you can be enlightening at times. I've found it helps with not jumping to the wrong conclusion. For example, if my boss is snappy with me, I don't automatically reach what could be the wrong conclusion. The wonderer in me may sound like 'I wonder if there's anything challenging going on in their life that leads them to be so snappy. I wonder if they're getting sick of this job. I wonder why they're unable to manage their emotions, when usually they're pretty good under pressure. I wonder if being kind to them may come as some relief for them'.

Of course, this is just one way to look at why we chop and change 🙂