I am not sure what I am feeling

[deefunkysoul]

Hi, this is my first time to post on this forum. I’m 38 yo female. I’m actually not sure why I’m feeling really down lately, I feel really hopeless. I noticed that I just wanted to be on my own. I feel it is such an effort to appear ok to people. People have noticed as well that I’m distant. I wanted to be alone but at the same time I want someone 🤷🏽‍♀️ my thoughts are my enemy

[Croix]

Dear Deefunkysoul~

As a first time poster let me give you a warm welcome to the Forum. It was a pretty good move on your part as it gives you the chance to see how others have coped in similar situations, you are not alone.

Actually you remind me a lot of how I used to be when depression had become very bad. I too felt life was hopeless and my mind was filled wiht that . In fact depression took up so much of my thoughts I'd nothing left to cope with other people, so I tended to drive them away just to be on my own.

Of course I used a mask, so I'd tell everyone all was fine. It stopped them asking questions and seemed the  easiest thing to do. Looking back I got to see that just isolated me more, and at the same time I had the  feeling if I had to hide me from others then what did that say about me?

Have you considered going to your GP or otter professional  and in an extended consultation say how you have been feeling? It may be a start on feelng better. I found there was no way I could improve by myself, and in fact left things far too long before seeking professional assistance, making my treatment that much harder.

Even so now, while I'm still visiting my psych, I'm good and have a pretty reasonable life.

There is a temptation to think help is for other people -that's not true, at times everyone needs a hand about something. Also that in a face to face consultation it might just be too hard, my answer to that was to take a few days to write very thing down in point form and hand the paper over. That suited both me and the  doctor and it made things a lot easier.

The sooner thoughts stop being your enemy the better and less hopeless life will seem, and the more chance of accepting support from a friend or family member if one is available.

I hope you come back and we can talk some more

Croix

[Mark Z.]

Hi deefunkysoul,

Sorry for your challenge. You feeling of hopelessness and wanting to isolate yourself from the crowd might be a sign of mental issue. However mental illness can not be self diagnosed and you need to seek help from a professional (as Croix mentioned).

It is possible that you want to isolate yourself from most of the people but also feel need someone really understands you. It is reasonable. 

Please do not hesitate to go to your GP for help, at the same time you can feel free to ring Beyondblue hotline to chat with a professional. Hope everything will be better.

Mark

[geoff]

Hello deefunkysoul,sometimes when depression of any kind swamps us, we aren't sure why this happens, even if everything we have seems to going great, so we keep asking ourselves questions which can never be answered by us.

Pretending to be OK is actually hard work, because every now and then we drop our guard and then people notice and then ask questions which we have no answer to and their continual desire to know can be very annoying, instead all we want is for someone to come up to us and put their arm around us and don't ask any question.

Please know that many of us have been in exactly the same position as you and certainly appreciate talking with those who have been in this situation.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Teagan195]

Hi, I'm a first time poster.  A warning sign that my mental health is not good is that I withdrawal from contact with people (and I stop listening to music)  As human beings we need social contact and on days I am alone, I try and just have a coffee out somewhere.  It's a challenge though.

[Croix]

Dear Teagan195~

Well then let me give you a warm welcome too. It sounds as if my experiences may have struck a chord - I hope so, mainly as you can use me as an example of how things can improve -a lot.

Actually stopping listening ot music is something else I do, ta for reminding me. One again my guess is my brain is so preoccupied there is no capacity left to deal with people -or music. Sadly I got angry wiht even the kindest approach and became surly and resentful.

Amazing I had a partner that understood and stood by me, though I'd not have blamed her in the slightest if she had left.

Do you have anyone to support you? Even when right down it made a difference ot me.

I think you are very wise to get out of your normal surroundings and go out for a coffee. I found that change from rooms that kept on reinforcing how I felt, plus the physical exercise involved in going out all helped.

When you are feeling OK what sort of music do you like? I am pretty keen on 60's rock, from Stones & Aretha to Animals.

I hope we too can talk some more

Croix

[Teagan195]

Hello Croix,

I have a supportive partner, mostly, but he is not very ‘present’ or present either.   

I am a quirky animal with music.  I do love Aretha, Beatles and Rolling Stones, but then Neil Diamond, Phil Collins, Johnny Cash, Bee Gees, Queen, Seattle Grunge bands, Linkin’ Park, Radiohead,  Nightwish and classical music.  

😀

[Croix]

Dear Teagan195

I like most of the music you listed, though there are a couple I'm not familiar wiht . Have you tried any Tom Waits?

I'm a bit perplexed at your reference to your partner who you said was supportive but not present. Does that mean away or not understanding what you are going though? My partner had to have my symptoms and behaviour explained in order to try to help. It did work, though it was hard for her as I was not always consistent, sometimes responding OK, other times angrily.

Croix

[jaz28]

Hi there,

Welcome to the forums and I am sorry you have been going through a tough time lately, that must be hard for you. Withdrawing from life is a common coping mechanism and you are probably doing it because it feels easier than facing the world. However, you are only human at the same time and crave social support. Do you have a partner or a good friend you could talk to? Or would you be receptive to seeing a mental health professional? This can be really effective in helping you out of this dark patch. Thoughts are definitely amazing but sometimes intrusive or disrupted due to chemical changes or imbalances in your brain - and it is important to get help from a doctor sometimes to correct these, just like changes in our bodily cells can cause physical illness.

I hope things improve soon,

Jaz xx