Hi

[StgCrw]

Hi.
I wrote several long posts for other parts of the forum and deleted them nearly immediately, so I thought I’d start by just introducing myself.

I’ll try not to focus too much on what I’m struggling with at the moment and just tell you a bit about myself.

Tasmanian. Roadie. 30ish.
Don’t let the roadie bit put you off, it’s not like the 70’s anymore. Gone are the days of sex drugs and rock’n’ roll - mostly anyway.

These days it’s all about professionalism, technical knowledge and the ability to multitask under pressure.

Unfortunately some things haven’t changed. The ridiculously long hours, months away from home, diet of truck stop pies and complete lack of anything resembling a social life put most people off pretty fast. I’ve been a fairly quiet, introverted fellow for as long as I can remember, many would call me a loner. Lately it’s taking a toll on even me though. Or maybe it’s just fatigue. Probably both.

I try and do landscape photography in my spare time. being based in Tasmania means there is no end of possibilities when I want to go and look for something new. Sadly lately my car is knackered which is cramping my style and I’m struggling to drum up the motivation to get out there.

I try hard to not just photograph the same tired instagram locations and do my own thing. There’s no artistic merit and no satisfaction to be had in taking the same shot that’s been done a thousand times before.
Sadly a lot of these places that I hold so dear are directly threatened by climate change - the thought of watching them inevitably deteriorate over the coming decades is heartbreaking.

so, that’s me in a nut(case)shell.

Hope you all are doing OK and whatever brings you here is not taking too much of a toll.

[StgCrw]

Thanks again.
I’m heading off to a gig in the middle of nowhere early tomorrow morning, but I will try and check in if I can. Failing that I will definitely check in when I get back in a few days.

[Hanna3]

Hi StgCrw, yes do that people come and go here, sometimes it's quiet for a bit then it gets really busy. I can see why you are tired it sounds like your work is very demanding. No wonder you're feeling down. Do come back on and keep in touch with us all here. Take care.

[Sophie_M]

Hey StgCrw, This is Sophie from the moderation team, it’s nice to meet you.

Its sounds like your work load is causing you a lot of stress at the moment, not to mention affecting your sleep and diet. You said your next break is in February but is there any possibility of taking a break before then?

Hanna3 is asking some great questions there! I’d also like to ask if there’s anything that would help your situation? Is there a manager you can speak to about reducing your workload?

It might be helpful to speak to a GP, if you haven’t already done so. They’d be able to offer some insight into your situation and refer you to appropriate support services.

I think you’ve done an amazing job to come onto the forums, share your story and accept help here. I’m so glad to hear that it’s been helpful and I hope it continues to be so!

I’d like to recommend these articles for you to read.They might be helpful in your current situation.
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/staying-well/reducing-stress https://www.headsup.org.au/your-mental-health/taking-care-of-yourself-and-staying-well/at-work
https://www.headsup.org.au/your-mental-health/deciding-to-tell-others

If you feel up to it, we’d encourage you to reach out to our Support Service. We’re available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our professional mental health counsellors at our Support Service will give you support and point you in the right direction for help in your area.

Lifeline is also another great option for support, which you can access by calling 13 11 14 or visit: https://www.lifeline.org.au/about-lifeline/contact-us

You can also contact headspace between 9am and 1am by calling 1800 650 890 or visit https://www.eheadspace.org.au for online chat.

If you feel unable to keep yourself from acting on your thoughts about suicide or self-harm then this is an emergency and you need to call 000.

The best of luck with your gig tomorrow StgCrw. Please let us know how it went and we look forward to your reply.

- Sophie

[therising]

Hi StgCrw

If there are 2 skills in life that should be taught to us as kids but are typically not:

• How to be wonderful - how to use the state of wonder so as to fuel the imagination into productive action. Being full of wonder leads us to hunt for answers or satisfaction of some kind

and

• How to productively rise through challenge

I believe you to be naturally wonderful seeing you mention you have to know how things work mechanically. I knew someone years ago who was also mechanically minded, who took wonder to the next level. He'd often take things apart and challenge himself to put them back together. Being a photographer also makes you wonderful...wondering about the next shot, wondering about the many aspects that come with this craft and how you can master them in new and natural ways.

I regard myself as naturally wonderful too. I wonder about new possibilities in the way of epigenetics right through to how I can raise a smile in someone who needs to experience one. From the complex to the simplistic, I'm always wondering. At 49, I have rediscovered the curiosity of a child.

Wondering can present many great challenges too. I have been wondering about my marriage. Whilst my husband is complacent and happy with sameness, a lack of adventure and little in common between us, I wonder (after all my effort to help improve things) whether we are meant to be together. Am I to leave him in peace? This would challenge me to create massive changes as a individual and as a mum. So, wondering is not necessarily a painless task, wondering can push us to consider a form of evolution so outside our comfort zone it can be disturbing to every cell in our body.

Rising to the challenges that wonder brings can occasionally require 'not thinking', something we are way too used to doing. Whilst thinking or calculating is relevant at times, at other times it tends to get in the way. The 3 festivals you mentioned: I imagine at some stage the idea popped into your head that the task was too massive to handle alone. Did you think your way out of that? Did you convince yourself you had to do it alone? Was the real challenge to follow your instinct, from the beginning? Sleep deprivation and working alone in regard to a massively draining task is torture on mind, body and soul. This is why I only had 2 kids. I couldn't handle raising a baby in a depression a 3rd time. I believe it would have destroyed me.

Do you ever wonder what positive change would look like for you?

🙂

[therising]

By the way, in that 2nd last paragraph about not thinking, what I meant to write was that we are way to used to thinking everything through.

[Hanna3]

Hi StgCrw, how did the gig go/or is it still going?

I think the idea of a holiday from work is a good one - could you go away somewhere and enjoy your photography for a while?

Some time out enjoying a break might help you think about how you might be able to change or improve things? You might be able to think more clearly when you're not feeling tired and stressed?

Anyway I hope things are going OK for you, do let us know. Cheers.

[StgCrw]

Hi, yeah, just got back. Gig went well for the most part. I ended up operating the sound at the last minute for the headline act (Pete Murray) because the crew who usually travel with him had their flight delayed due to bad weather. That had me feeling pretty out of my depth, but I think I got away with it. The band didn’t seem angry about anything anyway, and that’s usually the best you can hope for. Pete seems like a very nice bloke as well.

one of my workmates managed to electrocute himself when a power plug fell apart while he was handling it. He’s fine though.

I totally understand that a bit of a break would probably be just the thing, but I would be making it that much harder for the other people i work with, most of whom have much the same workload as I do. I will book some leave in for after this busy season though, so I’ll have that to look forward to. There’s a couple of bush walks I’ve been wanting to do, but fitness is becoming a bit of a concern. We’ll see.

@Sophie_M

Thank you, I will have a browse of those links later, and I will consider giving those phone services a try if you think they will be helpful. I was under the impression they were more for crisis situations.

I have been to see a GP about all this, it was some months ago now mind you. I struggled to effectively communicate the issues in a face-to-face setting though and it was a largely unhelpful and nerve wracking experience.

It’s odd that on the job I can communicate very well, explain complex ideas to people, co-ordinate teams of labourers to get something done, but as soon as I’m in a social setting I become withdrawn, very much “the quiet type”

Case in point I just spent 4 hours driving a truck, with a passenger / workmate who Has a degree in psychology. I had every intention of raising some of these issues, so at least someone at my work had an idea that I was having a hard time with it, but I never managed 😞

@ therising
Im beginning to wonder whether the way forward for me is a change of career. It’s going to take a bit of bravery on my part though since I’ve been doing this work since I was 16 and it’s all I really know.

As for how I got myself into that sort of situation with those festivals, I just didn’t say no. My employer rostered me into it and I really ought to have put my foot down, but I needed the money.

Thanks all for checking in, it means a lot 🙂

[Hanna3]

Hi StgCrw, good to hear back from you. I think it's good that you'll book some leave at the end of the busy season so you will know you have some time to relax ahead of you eventually!

Re finding you couldn't talk to your psychology trained mate/passenger - often it's actually easier to talk to a stranger than a friend/mate about things. Having said that, a lot of GPs are rubbish at dealing with mental health/emotional/psychological issues (I speak as someone who used to work at a hospital helping to train medical students in this kind of thing). I'm having trouble finding a decent GP in the big town I've moved to - so far they've been pretty hopeless.

It might pay to shop around for a good GP, or find a counsellor/social worker. Sometimes these are provided free of charge or at a low cost by GP practices, or a local neighbourhood centre or Vinnies/Salvos etc might know of one.

It seems you did pretty well managing the sound equipment! And you can phone Lifeline without it being an emergency - sometimes callers just need someone to listen to them. I've rung when it wasn't a dire emergency but I really needed someone to talk to at that particular time.

Best wishes!

[Hanna3]

Hi again Stg,

I noticed you were around the BB site last night. The BB Café is a good place to get to know "regulars". It varies from nobody around to busy and there's no rhyme or reason to when it's quiet and when it's busy, you just have to check in occasionally and see who's around. I do the silly games like movie names/five letter words. You can just chat about stuff in the Café and quite quickly you get to know a few people. Just tell people you're new. Hope you stick around on BB. Cheers for now.

[StgCrw]

Ha ha yeah funny you mention that, I was checking out the movie name thread, but it was up to “Q” and I had nothing lol