Hi, never joined a forum before, feeling hopeful

[Clear_Calm]

Hi,

I am in my mid 50s and have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and generalised stress disorder. Looking back now I think I have been living with depression of some sort or another my whole life. In the past I have had bouts of depression but they have gone away in a reasonable time and only once before have I needed medication (after a relationship breakdown over ten years ago).

This time it is different, I have not been to work for 2 months, I can not imagine facing up for work as a teacher and having to pretend I am ok when I am not. I feel like someone or something has taken over my mind and body and have all the general symptoms of depression. I have had 4 sessions with a psychologist and feel like there has been some improvement but no great gains. I am taking medication which as of today has been increased, it seemed to start working but now I feel like it isn't really working. No one seems to really get the feeling of depression and how it becomes so pervasive in your life. I feel stuck, I feel like there must be some major emotional block or something that is stopping me get better. I am hoping to find some support here and maybe some help with what to do because I feel lost and unable to make decisions. I feel like there is some block that is stopping me live my life. Hoping to find some clarity here. Regards

[MsPurple]

Hi Clear Calm and welcome to the forums 🙂

I myself have GAD and depression and I know how it feels to struggle with these internal demons and to feel like no one understands you and pressures you in the wrong way which makes it worse. Can I suggest a video to show/share with friends who do not understand the feelings of depression. Its by WHO and its called 'the black dog' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc

I am really glad you are still seeing your psychologist. It does take time to build up a relationship and to get into the nitty gritty of your depression and how to help you grasp the strategies to help reduce it. You get 6 sessions under the mental health plan however you can go back to your GP who refered you and let them know you think you need additional sessions, they can then extend the amount you get by giving you an additional 4 (so 10 in total in a year). I did that myself with my last therapist and it helped me a lot. I probably got more out of the sessions after 5 because I was more comfortable being honest with my feelings with her.

We all think that if we have dealt with depression/anxiety/stress/etc. in the past we will be able to deal with it in the same way in the future and we can get over it in the same amount of time. Unfortunately this isn't aways the case. Sometimes it takes longer (or shorter) but it does get better. I have been going through a rough patch and I have used strategies from my last bouts and they still help, so previous lessons do help in future, but it doesn't mean you don't need active support.

We are all here to support you and each other. I hope you feel welcome to the forums and have a look around at other threads 🙂

[BballJ]

Hi Clear Calm,

Well done for posting your story, you will find these forums very welcoming and they are a safe non judgemental environment, most if not all of us are mental health sufferers in some capacity so we are just one big support group really. I personally suffer from anxiety, OCD and mild depression.

Depression is a beast when it takes over your life.... I have said this quote I heard a few times on these forums and it is this - depression is not being sad when things are going wrong in your life, depression is being sad when things are going right. People don't fully understand how depression can take over your well being and general day to day living. I understand where you are coming from and the feeling of stuck. I know you are on medication but are you currently seeing a psychologist to speak through everything and try to make sense of all the depression symptoms? The key is learning how to live with the depression without allowing it to take over your life.

Please remember you can post here as much as you like, we are always happy to talk and give support where we can.

My best for you,

Jay

[Julz01]

Hi Clear Calm

i fully understand feeling stuck in the midst of depression & anxiety & pretending things are okay when they're not.

i hope the increase in meds help & although it may feel like small gains with your psychologist, it may mean more time for the relationship to grow & you can open up more.

i hope you find the support you need here

Julz

[geoff]

hello Clear Calm, there comes a time when we can't keep pretending that all is fine, simply because it's too exhausting, and there's always a concern that people who are taking any medication, maybe AD's, stop taking them as soon as they begin to feel better, the reason they are better is because of the medication and should continue taking them, although I'm not qualified to say, we have seen this happen time after time.
If you have been able to overcome depression before it doesn't stop you from having a relapse, I know when I have one I know it lasts about 2 weeks, whereas for you it's longer, but after it comes and goes you have learnt something new, maybe something that triggers this, so then you know what you need to avoid.
You can tackle this trigger if you want with your psychologist, talk about the best way so it doesn't happen again, because there has been something to make you feel this way.
If you can't move forward as it's blocked, then go back to where you started and take another direction, contact your psychologist and if the upgrade of medication isn't working go back to your doctor and don't discount any other physical illness that may have caused this.
When you see your psychologist nothing happens straight away, although that's what we expect, but the sessions go along and you feel nothing is working, until one day something is said that hits the jackpot, that's when you realise it's been worthwhile. Geoff.