Hi, I'm new :)

[MelbourneKevin]

Hi everyone, I just joined the forum. Would love to chat with you all and make new friends here.

[geoff]

hi Kevin, pleased you have decided to join the site, and all the people who you have contact with have been through their own type of depression, some have recovered while some are still struggling, but have given their time to help other people who are also finding it tough work.
We know what this illness does to each and everyone of us, and we know that's it's not easy to overcome depression, because there is a chance of it coming back to annoy you.
Come back anytime you wish so we can start up a conversation. Geoff.

[MelbourneKevin]

Hello Geoff, how do you do? Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I highly appreciate your kind message.

I have been feeling sad and lonely for some time. I am gay and I'm in a relationship. We've been together for 5 and a half years. I am in the relationship because I do not have the strength or willpower to leave him. My partner is a good, caring man but I'm not happy with our relationship. I don't have friends and if I leave him I will be lonely and all by myself.

I am a migrant in Melbourne. I have only lived here for less than 10 years and unfortunately haven't made any real friendships. This is the main reason why I'm in the relationship with my partner for this many years. If things were different in my life I would have left him years ago.

I used to be a very health and body conscious person before this relationship but now I am overweight and do not care about eating healthy or leading a healthy life. It is sad. I've had enough of it.

I am unhappy and have no motivation to do anything. I graduated from university two years ago and have no interest in finding a job. I just stay at home, watch tv or some videos on youtube and binge eat all day and night long.

This behaviour needs to stop! I need my old self back ASAP! What should I do?

If I had my family with me in Australia I would move back with them. Now I don't have my own money, I don't have a job and I cannot afford to leave my partner due to financial reasons. I have been feeling the need to leave him for years now but haven't had the strength or motivation to find a job to earn my own money in order to be able to do that.

Having said all this I am still very positive and hopeful.

[blondguy]

Hi Kevin

Paul here and welcome to the forums and for having the courage to post too!

You are an intelligent proactive person Kevin..that stands out.

Congratulations in graduating from Uni. Well done to you.

The lack of motivation and interest in your life is a bad place to be in as I can hear that you want your life back.

First step would be to see your doc and have a chat. The GP's have much better training on depression like symptoms than they used to. They see many people with various levels of depression.

You have so much to gain and nothing to lose by making a double appointment and having a really good vent.

Ive had depression which is being treated by a GP for a while now and when we are stuck in this dark place its crucial that we reach out to a doc and lay everything on the table start on the road to recovery.

I do hope you can post back and let us know your thoughts

please be gentle to yourself Kevin

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

[MelbourneKevin]

Hello Paul, how are you?

Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I appreciate your kind words and advice.

I have thought of speaking to my GP numerous times but I'm concerned about my medical records. What if my GP prescribes some sort of medicine for depression? I don't want to be someone who takes medicine for depression. I was such a healthy person. If the GP prescribes medicine will it affect my future life choices such as seeking work? Will employers and agencies ask for these records?

I'm happy to speak to my GP. Will it only be chats?

Paul, I feel so lonely in Australia. I have no friends. The only people I know are my partners friends. They are not very kind to me. So now I prefer to spend my time alone at home during the day on weekdays and weekends.

When my partner comes home from work we either watch TV or he'll do his work on his computer.

I really have no one to talk to. I can't talk to my parents about my feelings as they don't know that I'm gay and even if I don't talk about my sexuality or relationship I can't express how I feel to them as they will start to worry. They have enough issues in their personal lives.

Before I met my partner I did have issues but not this many. Now I am not confident as I'm overweight and have bad skin.

Even if I leave my partner will someone love me one day? The gay community is very different to straight relationships. Everyone's seeking a male model looks alikes to be their boyfriends. I remember before I met my partner I used to go clubbing. Not many guys used to talk to me as I'm not white or I never had the looks they were looking for. Now I'm fat and have bad skin. Even worse. I'm so confused.

Sometimes i start crying alone out of the blue. I just can't control my emotions anymore. My partner doesn't know how I feel as I haven't told him. He has his own issues at work and I happily listen to him whenever he wants to vent. He gets stressed over small things so I don't share a lot of my emotions with him.

I have been feeling sad and unhappy for a significant period but today I decided to take an online assessment and it said severe depression. I am still shocked! I knew it even before I took the test.

Most of the time I feel like moving to a new place and starting from scratch. Maybe that will help. I don't know.

Take care Paul. Thank you for your kind thoughts.

[ro63]

Hi Kevin and welcome , Im sorry to hear you are having a rough time of it ,I know what it is like to be stuck in a relationship which is toxic ,it is very unhealthy ,Paul has some good advice and I agree that a chat with your Gp is a great idea there are a lot of good ones out there and they can give you other options.I know it is hard to leave a relationship,but please don't worry that people only go by looks ,and if some people do are they really the type of person that you want ,remember that diamonds take a long time to form but they are definatley worth the wait.I worked for a lady once who was always looking for a partner for her son ,it was an uphill battle ,he was a bit of a handfull,.anyway she used to say I know someone is out there for him because, in life there is always a lid for every pot! So you will find somone worthy of you ,just find happiness first ,check back in and let us know how you are going .all the best ,Ross.

[MelbourneKevin]

Hi Ross,

Thank you for taking the time to write to me and for your generous advice.

I somehow need to find the courage to end this relationship which I have been wanting to do for the last few years.

I will also take Paul's and your advice to speak to my GP.

I do understand that it's better to be patient rather than rush in to relationships. My biggest fear is being alone and feeling lonely. If I had friends to talk to or spend time with it would have been much easier to end this relationship. Since I don't have any friends it's not easy to leave my partner even though I'm unhappy.

Thank you again.

[Gruffudd]

Hi Kevin,

Welcome, Happy you have found us here. If you want a bit of an informal chat there is the community space which even has a rainbow cafe space.

I find myself with lots of questions. You don't have to answer them, just the ones you want to.

Where did you move from before Melbourne? And what was it like in that place? Did you have friends there? Me, I moved from a place called Caerphilly in the UK. I have also spent time in Hong Kong, and in Cabanatuan in the Phillipines. The attitudes towards me in all those places were different, and making friends has been a bit of a challenge everywhere. I have a friend who recommends the meet up app on the phone. I find I have more luck by getting out there and doing things and being me, people like me when I do that, but I need plenty of time for myself to recharge.

How young are you? The GMHC (gmhc.org) has a club house program that would be a great support and meeting place for young people, they have health and psychological support for all ages though. What other things are you interested in? connecting up with community there will help too.

I think being happy on your own can be a really good thing to learn, it helps with relationships too. It was hard for me at first but then I realised how connected I am.

Look forward to seeing you all over the forums as you get to know the place.

Rob.

[MelbourneKevin]

Hello Rob,

How do you do? Thank you for taking the time to write to me. Thank you for your invaluable advice and suggestions. I appreciate how welcomed and wanted I have felt by everyone including you who has written to me with so much care.

Thank you for taking interest to ask me questions to get to know me better. I like that.

I am from Sri Lanka. I lived with my parents before moving to Australia. I have only lived in Melbourne as I came here as a student to complete my higher studies at a university in Melbourne. I have had a happy, content and healthy lifestyle in Sri Lanka. My parents are very health conscious and they have taught me to lead a healthy life since I was a child.

I am gay. It was never easy for me to be openly gay in Sri Lanka as someone's sexuality is a taboo topic to discuss with family and "friends". Being gay is even worse. One can be disowned, bullied, ignored, cornered, harassed, assaulted or raped for being gay by their family, "friends", work colleagues or even strangers. Luckily I knew how to keep a secret and never told anyone about my sexual orientation. Every single gay person faces this problem in Sri Lanka.

Yes, I had very few good friends in Sri Lanka. I believe in quality over quantity. So I had a handful of good friends but I still didn't open up to them about my sexual orientation. We spoke about other things. I was scared to be honest with them. Maybe they will accept me for who I am. Maybe they will never talk to me again.

Another reason I do not have many friends is because I am a very shy person. I like to be quiet and listen to others but I do speak if I have to. I do not speak to draw attention to myself. Sometimes people think I'm proud. But I'm really friendly if we click.

I love to spend lots of quality time by myself. Maybe because I'm used to it. That makes me feel good. I also like to have a few good friends who I know will always be there for me whenever I want to cry my heart out or share my happiness. Unfortunately, I do not have that luxury in Australia. Yes, I met people at University, former workplaces etc. but they were all acquaintances not friends.

[MelbourneKevin]

Maybe that is why I rushed into this relationship as I was feeling lonely and unsafe all by myself in a foreign country. The start of this relationship was very very tough. Lots of heartbreaks and lots of tears but I still tolerated everything I had to face because I was scared to be alone. How silly of me! I should have left him years ago. Now we live together.

My partner is from a different country and his parents are the extreme opposite of mine. They have no sense of healthy eating or leading a healthy lifestyle. They eat extremely unhealthy food and it did not take long for me to get used to this unhealthy lifestyle. Now I am overweight. Never in my life have I ever been fat. I have always exercised and eaten only healthy food that is good for my body and soul. But now I binge eat like there's no tomorrow. Awful! I can't seem to stop it for some reason.

In a nutshell, even though my partner is a caring and loving man I am extremely unhappy in this relationship. This unhappiness also affects my eating habits and lifestyle. I do not exercise or leave the house for anything. I am always at home and do not want to catch up with people. My partner has friends and sometimes they want to go out but I sometimes say no as I am not in the mood for anything. My partner is 11 years older than me. That age difference also affects the way we think, speak and behave. His friends are of similar age. Some of them have kids.

I am 29 years old. I will have a look at the GMHC website. I would love to meet people and have informal chats with them. That's all I need. I need to go out there and have my old life back.

Thank you so much for giving such great advice. Take care, Rob.